Is this Relationship/Marriage Sabotage?
I honestly don’t know where to start. Overall, I’m just genuinely curious if constant efforts to ignore me, shade me, take passive digs, dismiss me around others, get physically and verbally abusive when behind closed doors, go out of his way to please others, but shows me not even the slightest compassion or consideration, despite my many desperate attempts to plead for what I’ve been missing my whole life. In this marriage and fears of missing in the mere future. When I’m upset/cry he completely ignores me. As if he sees or hears nothing.
When we do talk, I start/lead it and sometimes get a response. Or responses like, “I guess I have to do better.” Or “I just don’t feel as much as you do.” “I’m just not that kinda person”. Otherwise, he acts like nothing is wrong at all. In life. With us. With our babies. At work. I feel like he’s waiting for me to end things but is too passive to do so. I’ve asked do you even love me. He says yes. I’ve asked given all you know I’ve been through does that “love” not make you feel for me? Have compassion? Nothing but fluff and canned responses.
@blueHouse663
Asking over and over hoping to get a new/ better answer is not going to solve this....this is not on you but him if he has no feelings and chooses to stay just going thru the motions.
Some partners do act like this hoping you will start dissolving the relationship hoping to play the victim or abandoned party. The only thing you need to see is you deserve better... you deserve someone who really loves you and can show it.
I know I deserve better/more. But I genuinely don’t know what love is. I give what I think it is to everyone I care about. Knowing what it feels like to not belong or be seen. I literally don’t know where to start. 😔
@blueHouse663
I know it seems like uncharted territory .... make yourself happy on your own first. learning to love yourself. Learn what you want not because we think that is what is. it can be so simple we overlook it.
Love at least in my opinion feels different....... sometimes it can be butterflies as described in books/ movies but more often it is just simple feeling of being complete with a person.
love can change and left unattended or ignored it will die like a houseplant forgotten.
@blueHouse663
I hate fluff and veiled answers or promising the world but not really saying anything.
I want actions and communication and clarity and humility and shared responsibility.
There's no reason for you to put up with verbal or physical abuse of any kind, or digs, you deserve better.
Marriage isn't easy but it's about respect, that's fundamental and he needs to know what that ultimately means.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this 💕💜
Thank you! Do you think you can respect someone when the other doesn’t respect you?
@blueHouse663
I can empathize with you. My husband is eerily similar to the description in the first paragraph (including the physical and psychological abuse in an effort to control me). However, I reached my limit and moved out almost a year ago. He tells me he loves me and he misses me, and he's trying to change. He thinks I'm omly having a temper tantrum and I will go back like nothing ever happened. But I don't believe him beacuse 1. he will never admit to what he's done to us in the past (partially beacuse he doesn't remember), and 2. he's still drinking.
It honestly sounds like he doesn't love you. He is not listening to you and he abuses you.
My advice to you is don't expect him to change. You will get to a point where you lose yourself, lose who you are. Or the situation is causing trauma to your children or other family members. You will have to choose to stay or go.