Life.

I didn’t really think I would be on here again. I mean I thought my life would finally get better again. I guess i’m gonna rant and you can read if you want. Hi my name is Alexis. For my whole life i’ve either struggled with bullying or mental health. it’s sad to know how many people don’t like me. i walk into school and people look at me like im different or im a freak. but i’m really a human just like them. i want to have fun just like them, go out with my friends every weekend, be invited to parties, etc. but that really hasn’t happened for me. my high school years have been so *** so far. i’m a sophomore and the beginning of my freshman year i was just bullied and i got leaked eventually by a boy i trusted. but after that people always started to just make fun of me in general. i get it im not the prettiest high school girl, but im normal too. i laugh, i cry, i like having fun, im normal just like them. but why do i get treated differently? why did i get brought into this life to life it like this. my best friends of 6 years (2 of them they are twins) are moving in 6 months. it will be the hardest goodbye of my life. so what’s next for me? what do i even do? how do i start over if i haven’t even started? ya sure i have 2 friends but they dont even show there care for me really. im always the one reaching out or trying to hang out. the only thing keeping me going is the thought of having children one day. i want to give them the most amazing life ever and the life i never had. my parents both have never really been that big of a part in my life. when i was younger they were. above the age of 10 i never ever remeber feeling love from them. they always fought and me and my siblings always heard. they eventually divorced 3 years ago. i hate my home life so much. my mom is kind of an alcoholic and she’s so annoying when drunk and my dad i don’t talk to him rly bc we have issues. my mom never got shown love as a kid so she doesn’t show it to us. i don’t remeber the last time my mom ever said she loved me or hugged me or even asked me to go out with her. she’s a single mom and works her a** off but also she doesn’t rly give a f abt what i do. i can literally go anywhere and she doesn’t care as long as i can get home. i like the freedom but also she never seems concerned. i just want to be loved by my parents and its so hard. we dont eat dinner together all my siblings and my mom eat separately in our rooms. i feel like i just live here bc i have to atp. my mom is bipolar so i dont like talking to her bc she snaps sometimes. i have some good nights when im with my best friends but also i wish i had a bf again. having a bf has helped me many times bc i get love and i never do from anyone else in my life. well actually all my ex bfs ended up being horrible. me and my ex broke up last week bc i found out he murdered 2 ppl. ya i know it’s crazy. i have trauma from it and i am getting him in jail for life and i heard all the details abt all it bc he confessed it to me and im so traumatized. i spent hours and days jus sitting in my bed looking for the case abt the 2 murders. i was so obsessed with bringing the family’s of the ppl killed justice. i care about people so so much way more than myself. i work in child care because i want to be a teacher so ya all i do is care abt other people and try to make others happy. if you made it to the end here thank you so much for listening to my random story lol but ya that’s basically my life on blast