Malaise and shame
This night was particularly hard on me. I feel so, so, so afraid of messing up my friendships, of not being a good enough friend, of not having ethical enough opinions, of not being good enough. I don't feel like I belong anywhere.
I am so scared of feeling safe because I am worried of having it ripped away from me suddenly. So I torment myself. And I feel lonely and scared. all the time.
So much stuff today just kinda fell on me at once. Ive been getting worse in the last month or so, and ive talked to my therapist about it. But I don't know what to do. I feel like crying, but I know I probably won't 😢
I don't know what is happening with me. I know I have depression. And anxiety. And they're both really bad right now. Like, objectively. But I don't know how to fix it. I can barely function in my classes. Its so much effort to eat, sleep, take care of myself.
I'm very perfectionistic so this hurts all the more. I can't even be "functional," let alone perfect. 😔😣
Any words of comfort or advice will help.
I feel your pain. I'm tough on myself too. I want to accomplish more but I don't always succeed in it. I've learned that I need to be kinder and gentler with myself.
Not one of us is perfect so why do I expect that from myself? Now I celebrate my flaws and makes joke about how clumsy I am or that my memory is so poor, I lose track quickly..
I commend myself for trying each day, even though it's challenging. At least I am putting in the effort.
You don't have to people please or be all things to all people. You can be a good friend and still take care of yourself, because your friends are doing that for themselves also :)
You are great just the way you are, be proud of that and all the accomplishments along the way :)
Thank you so much for taking the time to type this all out. It's comforting to read, and makes me feel less alone :')
I will try to learn from the advice you've given. Thanks again 🙏
@grappph You're welcome and you were courageous enough to open up and reach out, the least I could do was listen :)
@grappph a being functional human right now feels overwhelming, I resonate so hard with that. Paying attention in classes, at work, in the grocery store, literally anywhere is impossible. I know that there are people who are grateful that you are in their lives, and who look forward to seeing/being with you.
Know that you are not alone in any of the feelings you're having. You are doing better than you think, give yourself some grace, you got this! 💕
@grappph
I'm sorry you feel this way. Its overwhelming when it feels its coming all together at once. Friendships, work and self care. You truly sound self aware of the issue and had already acknowledged it. I commend you for that. This shows hope. You have hope in you in trying to be the better self that you want to be. It takes time. Please take your time. Try to give yourself the credit for having the words to express how you feel and what you feel about them. You are truly not alone. I have been the perfectionist who has done things imperfectly perfect. I pretended to be fine to please others and I realised they never noticed or even cared as long as its not impacting their peace. Guess whose peace got shattered?! Me, I, and Mine. You sound like a very beautiful human being and knowing beautiful people in this life are suffering is very painful. Peace comes after chaos and with self love and kindness comes joy. Please take small steps and write things out to let them out. Have walks to calm yourself down. Eat ice cream, it has always helped me :) and please don't forget we are hear to listen to you. Nothing makes sense but everything is sensed. Love you
Thank you very much 😊 your words were encouraging. I hope you have a great rest of your day