Marriage Disconnection
I'm married but feeling disconnected, and I've been craving attention from two guys from my past.
one guy friends with benefits from 6 years ago and we keep talking but he takes day to week to respond. Keeps wanting me to visit in Austin in Washington state and he's just breadcrumbing me. Other guy had a class with 7 years ago and he didn't want to make effort with me because he's a virgin then in April he kept asking me for photos and got upset if I sent them. I was feeling ballsy yesterday and told him how love life is and he said bad and I said why he say no one treat me right I said I did he said fair l said I miss talking to you he says why I said because you make me smoke and safe he said awe that's sweet I said you miss talking to me he said ya I said why and he said because I miss talking and I said that made me smile he open didn't respond but saw snap story. First guy hasn't look at message in a week so I deleted it yesterday. Both guys think I'm divorced/getting a divorre llied so I can net attention.
The reason why my husband and I are disconnected is because he wants to wait to have kids. I am 27 he is 26 and we've been married for 4 years. He originally wanted kids at 30, but now he says he is willing to try in 2027. Anytime I ovulate he stays away from me like the plague because he doesn't want me to get pregnant. Him and I've had many talks about this but it never is resolved.
I know this isn't healthy and I want to understand why I'm doing this and how to stop.
@DanielleM18
I think you are upset with how your marriage is. Not connecting emotionally and on different views about marriage and kids. It is easy to feel ignored and unwanted and in plain ticked off.
The talking with others feeling listened to and flirted with and wanted is addictive. We may not think of it in the moment when we are feeling good talking to someone. How do you feel when you are chatting with someone? excited? appreciated? How do you feel after? Do you want to quit and fix your marriage or do you want to end things. Do you wish you could talk to husband and feel the fun and being listened to like you are with others?
Either way there need to be some real deep talk about how to resolve your issues and feeling your wants or opinions are being listened to. it may not be the best move to talk with others when you are feeling ignored and unheard, but you are NOT the only person doing it many people have.
Thank you so I truly appreciate what you wrote. I feel wanted and sense of appreciation/rush but I know its unhealthy.
@DanielleM18 I can understand the pain of feeling disconnected in a marriage. As someone in my mid-40s, who has been divorced and hasn't had access to my daughter for over a decade, I know how loneliness and unmet needs can push us toward seeking attention in places that don't truly fulfill us. It's human to crave connection, but sometimes the paths we take only deepen the emptiness.
What you're describing with those two men sounds more like temporary distractions than genuine care. Breadcrumbing and half‑hearted responses don't give you the respect or stability you deserve. I've learned the hard way that chasing attention outside of a broken bond doesn't heal the core issue; rather, it only delays facing it.
Your struggle with your husband over children is a fundamental and painful disconnect. Wanting a family is a deep need, and when your partner avoids it, it can feel like rejection of you as a person.
That's not easy to carry. But the healthiest way forward is to keep the focus on the marriage itself: honest communication, counseling if possible, and deciding whether your visions for the future can truly align.
You're already aware this isn't healthy, and that awareness is powerful. The next step is choosing actions that honor your worth, seeking clarity with your husband, and resisting the pull of people who only give you fragments of attention.
You deserve more than fragments; you deserve real connection, whether inside your marriage or beyond it.
