Need Support
I’m a 26-year-old male, and I’m feeling very lonely and desperate right now. I broke up a few months ago. I’ve healed a bit, but I’m still unable to attract anyone.
My job and my culture don’t really support going out and asking women out — it often comes off as creepy, even when the intention isn’t. I’ve tried dating apps, but I haven’t found anyone who feels genuine or emotionally available.
I’ve followed all the usual advice. I am working on myself — I work out every day, read books, and stay focused on my goals. Still, the loneliness doesn’t go away. I crave connection.
I do have friends, and I go out, but the connections feel shallow and superficial. Nothing feels deep or intimate.
I don’t know what to do with this constant need for connection and intimacy. I’m trying to do things the “right” way, but it feels really hard to sit with this emptiness.
@Dynamite39111
I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling to meet someone, since your breakup.
And I get what you mean re, it's difficult to just approach girls.
And online can be so shallow and seedy.
I would encourage you to find anything in your area where you can meet people in a healthy and natural way, to build up to something more.
You seem like a very nice person 💚 🤗
@Dynamite39111
I agree with Slappy... but I want ot add my point of view from what I'm going trough right now even as a female I'm craving that intimate connection so badly, even at 35 years old, men sometimes don't realize we have the same strong feelings, but sometimes those feelings are too desperate and strong that are hidding something else, something that has nothing to do with an intimate connection but with a lack of connection with our own self. I like this guy so much that I can't stop thinking about him especially on bad days but when I look at him, I realize he is happy with himself, he doesn't need anyone and if he does find someone is just by chance by doing what he loves and not by force or desperation to fufill something that is empty.
So I promised myself to work on me being single... being at peace and happy on my own before ever considering to be with anyone else. My past relationship have only been bad because I chose people out of desperation and not out of respect and compatibility.
Working on your physic and looks is good because that movement can also help you feel a bit better inside but I feel like you should consider doing something that has nothing to do with "wanting to attrack and get the out-side validation of a romantic partner", I think you should do something that can help you be more present and relate to yourself. Go out for dinners or walks but with your ownself. Enjoying your own presence and nothing else. The sooner you learn this the better.
Try some mindful physical exercises. Try to anchor yourself.
1.Acceptance 2. Embrace it untill you define it. 3. we are born with emptiness
Hi there 👋🏼, I want to tell you that don't lose hope and have faith in yourself. I know it is something everyone must be telling you as of now. But trust me, just hang in there and there will come a time when the right person comes into your life and everything will fall into place. You need to align yourself with what you really want. If you want a listening ear/virtual friend please feel free to ping me anytime!
Try adopting pets?
@Aether528
maybe start with a plant XD ... sorry for laughing but it made me think of a dating/self-improvement video saying start from a plant and only then get a pet.
@The24hrClimber Yeah, plant better. I started with trying DIYs and art therapy to overcome those times first. Or a pet rock if plant dying would make it feel worse?
XD pet rock, you beat me! That is the best... in the end the pet and plant or human to be thriving need you to be attentive, present and observent...not lost in your thoughts or images/illusion of what that situation is. I'm scared when I see a guy that is so immerse in his fantasies while looking at me and not really looking at me bc he can't even notice I'm actually dead scared at that moment of him and his empty stare of something that isn't actually me at that moment but a projection of his brain... you can turn your head or look around but that smilling "in love" stare doesn't budget as if he or she is actually looking at someone behind you that you can't see, meanwhile you are disgusted and scared of this disconnected person from reality...you feel like you could be screaming in pain and he wouldn't know, he would still think you are his happy angelic image, totally lost and in love with him at that and any moment. This is an extreme situation that unfortunately I have found myself in... but in small ways we all do this in relationship with friends, pets, plants and pet rocks...we aren't truly present and connected with them enough to see what is really happening to them and hat are their needs. Art, Gardening, Caring to create something physical is a way to anchor to reality, to learn how to observe and care. Is the smile on your pet rock still painted or has it faded? Is it the moment to get it, a plant friend to be happy or is it fine on its own? XD
@Dynamite39111
Hey Dynamite! It makes me sad that you are feeling lonely and desperate my friend..
I think I understand what you're going through.. I am a deeply
emotional person and breakups have affected me a lot in the past.
Eventually I figured out what to do And it was simply find
distractions because I realized I couldn't get rid of those feelings
so I just needed to not focus on them.. and eventually I felt better
and that would be my little suggestion to you.
What I also think is important not
to think of getting into a new relationship if you feel you are still
affected by the last one.. You need to heal first (and for that, you just need time)…
And finally and
most importantly: You might consider relaxing a little and learning
to live with yourself.. in my humble opinion we should all be able to live with
ourselves before we can be with someone else, we should enjoy our own company, watch TV shows movies
share time with friends and they don't have to be deep friendships, Just
nice people with shared interests
In summary don't rush
into a new relationship.. Most of the times they arrive by
themselves, and learn to love yourself and live with yourself and
later when you do meet someone interesting, It will feel like an added
bonus
have a hug and good luck! 😊
@WiseCaribbean
Well said 💯
@Dynamite39111
I really wish you meet really good people here.
If you think I could be of any assistance do reach out.
And it's okay, everybody feels lonely once in a while but everything will be okay in some time 🙃
Do you want to be friends
