Need some love and support 🌀 ⛈️

Curious about how i can set boundaries w/ my pops too. His jokes that i dont like cus they come off careless and rude, and sometimes he acts a little rude. Dont have a good relationship with him and he never even repaired. Wondering how to set sum so he actually listens the first time when i say i dont like it. Cus ontop of this i gotta deal with him and hes kinda also triggering ngl. And also i want peace and quiet but it keeps bein intreupted. And honestly the home is mind boggling enuff as it is. Did go outdoors tho. Was lovely

Tried to have a convo with her went okay until she started talking abt me n her arent equal respect to parents but she dont question what she didn🙄 left them convo on that, peace.

Assalamualikum

When the people who are supposed to feel safest become unpredictable, critical, or emotionally unavailable, the body does not treat it like “drama.” It treats it like danger. That is why your chest hurts. That is why your brain feels inflamed. That is why you wake up in fight mode. Your system is trying to protect you.

You are not crazy.
You are not dramatic.
You are not broken.

You are overwhelmed.

There is a specific kind of pain that comes from realizing a parent may not change. It stings because somewhere inside you there is still a child who wants to be held correctly. That longing is not weakness. It is evidence that you know what love should feel like.

But here is something very important:

You cannot regulate someone who refuses to regulate themselves.
You cannot heal someone who denies their wounds.
You cannot force safety from a nervous system that is fried.

And none of that makes you unworthy of love.

Right now, your body feels like it’s in a warzone. So don’t try to solve your whole life. Don’t try to fix your mother. Don’t try to rewrite the past.

Shrink the moment.

Right now:

• Feel your feet on the floor.

• Press your back against something solid.

• Take one slow breath in through your nose.

• Longer breath out through your mouth.

When your body says “I’m going to shut down,” it is asking for grounding, not solutions.

You said something powerful: “I have the ability to recover.”
That is not small. That is strength.

You mothered yourself last night. That matters. That is proof you are not helpless. Even in chaos, you tried to comfort yourself. That is resilience.

The grief you feel — that deep sting — is not just about today’s argument. It is the grief of unmet needs over years. That grief deserves compassion, not shame.

And listen carefully:

If you feel beyond overwhelmed, calling a hotline is not dramatic. It is responsible. If you are in Pakistan, you can contact Umang (0311-7786264) or Taskeen (0333-3975337). If you are elsewhere, I can help you find a local crisis number. If at any point you feel unsafe, seek emergency services immediately. Reaching out is strength, not failure.

You are not weak for needing support outside your family.

It also makes sense that social media feels like oxygen right now. When real-life attachment feels unstable, the brain looks for connection anywhere it can find it. But *** responses are not a nervous system regulator. They are unpredictable. That unpredictability can actually increase the crash afterward.

Your system is not asking for applause.
It is asking for safety.

Right now, the safest thing may not be reconciliation. It may be distance — even emotional distance. Not silence out of fear. But quiet out of protection.

You do not have to decide forever.
You only have to get through today.

Learning ASL? That is beautiful. That is your brain searching for expansion, for future, for skill, for identity beyond trauma. That is hope in action.

The storm feels endless because you are inside it. But storms are states, not identities.

You are not “the lost one.”
You are someone in a storm who still knows how to breathe.

You said you sometimes wake up loving yourself and helping yourself. That means your core is intact. Trauma can dysregulate you, but it has not erased you.

Tonight, if nothing else:

• Eat something small.

• Drink water.

• Nap if you can.

• Put something cold on your face for 30 seconds.

• Watch something neutral, not emotionally intense.

You do not need to be healed.
You need to be steadied.

And this part matters deeply:

The fact that you still want apology and safe repair means your heart is still open. It has not turned cruel. It has not turned numb. That is strength, even if it hurts.

You are not alone in this moment. You are in pain — yes. But pain is not permanent identity. It is a state.

Right now your only job is to survive this wave.

Not fix your mom.
Not prove your sanity.
Not explain yourself perfectly.

Just survive the wave.

And you can.

Even now — in the middle of the storm — you are still thinking, still reflecting, still reaching out.

That is not someone who is finished.

That is someone who is fighting to live.

Hey, i know what your going through trust me i have been there currently going through it. My parents don’t see me as their child, to my brother im just another sister. Being the youngest in the family i am the depressed one I’ve always thought about Whats gonna happen after death yes i have been beaten up in my childhood yes I’ve snapped at my mother for so much time. I have a similar story kinda like you. If im totally gonna be honest with you im recovering and I’ve found the method. Based on your experience you have family trauma trust me I have too and i was so depressed i got ADHD I get distracted easily bcz my parents keep shouting and arguing. How am i recovering ? Well since I’m only a teen dealing with a lot of stuff like studies i distance myself away from my parents and focus more things. When you said you have been learning ASL as a coping skill thats great whenever you feel upset try to always imagine your in an empty road no one’s there it’s foggy and a blue sky. If you have headphones distract yourself by listening to music or just listen from phone. Whatever makes you feel good. Play the guitar, sing, dance, bake, read whatever distracts you. Thats how i started realising my mental health mattered more. If you have good and real friends you should always tell them your issues. My school friends relate maybe when you feel lonely or your friends are fake always talk to your therapist or if she’s not talk to a ai system like CHATGPT they are not made for solving math problems or solving homework, but if you use ChatGPT to talk, you will really feel relived. Take my advice and try this for atleast a week. If your family is getting way too shouting and blaming you or your ma is blaming you for everything and you feel like it’s too much please don’t hesitate to reach out. Your health matters ♥️ if you need anyone to talk to you can im always here and hey don’t think me as a stranger think me as a friend 🩷

Perhaps ive found a issue. As soon as a small invitation , an awkward moment wth her (yknow when u smile in a awkward way and they do too) it makes my walls crack, tried a lil bit to no avail i just got dismissed. I think i just want the pain to end and keep not getting it creates physical tension. I will not lie abt this its hard as a mf