New Here- Unexpectedly Difficult Day

Hi, I hope everyone is doing well tonight. I just started using this app and my day has not been the best and I'd just like to put this down in words. Is gonna be kind of long though,l and it's not much of a story, but here goes...

I feel like I've never not struggled with mental health. I haven't been through anything notably awful. It just feel like it's the way my brain work. Like I never got calibrated right.

I'm in my thirties. I'm still single. Plenty of relationship, but never married, never engaged, never close. If the breakups weren't because they were just an obviously terrible pick it was my fault. I'm too insecure. I can't control my emotions. I lash out when I'm upset. I know how I need to act, but sometimes I just can't do it. I cry way too much. I can barely keep up with adult things.

I met someone who I felt I connected with. Like we just had the same energy. It was very intense. He was so much fun. I could talk about anything with him, and we were always laughing. I felt like he knew me better in a month than my last boyfriend ever did even after 3 years. I'm actually pretty sure he did. We both had things we were struggling with. He's had so much had luck this past year.

He ended up moving away, temporarily was the plan. We were gonna end things cause he didn't want to do long distance, but the week before he left he reached out and we agreed we'd stay in touch and work on what we need to work on and come back together.

It's only been a week and a half since he's been gone. The uncertainty was causing me so much anxiety, but I really wanted to work on myself and get better and I was trying. He didn't talk to me much the past 3 days. I asked this morning if we could talk today, I just want to catch up and maybe talk about what our expectations were with communication, cause I know he's focusing on himself and I didn't want to be too much. I guess I was though cause he just replied that this wasn't working and we're not compatible. I asked so many questions and made so many my case, but it wasn't a conversation.

It hurts so much more now. Like now that he's had a minute away from me to clear his head he realized how bad I am for him. For anyone. There were so many obstacles in such a short amount of time together, but I still felt so hopeful.

I am so tired of dating. I like meeting people I like going on dates and trying new places, but my hearts been through too much. It's so fragile and I'm so tired of hurting. I just want my person.

Thank you to anyone who read all the way through this very dull novel. Just needed to put this somewhere 💚