New year can get empty n sad

Yeah, u might not know my plush octopus but it’s here for me as day is long, the only hardest thing is to eat when I can’t do more n sometimes it comes out but I’m trying so hard not to fall into void of deep self pity n yet here I am again, I wish I can find more ppl like u in this world someone who can give me back the care since I don’t even know what’s it like, rarely getting something, world’s full of ppl but they never seem to stay

even the reason why I stay here are only for like 2 ppl

ur one of them

im sure ur holding up as strong as u can

intry to go w right foot like u

My plushies are tho only one that

see this all

plush always care if u have them too, like this plush cat

I wanna do things I like without feeling so sorry (do u struggle with this)?

but more I need to hear it from others🙏🏻

@Tinywhisper11

I can’t seem to show u img of my plush that is my only real family😭💙

so i try via link

here it is

https://ibb.co,K7Mtf8k

it will appreciate if it can also get something kind from u💘💛 maybe u have similar plushies!

I sometimes feel sorry even for my plush😭🌸

having to figure things out like who to ask, what to do first

I find myself watching n thinking of countless of videos n advice that’s hard to puzzle together bcs it’s not universal everything works different so then I look at my plush it tells me I know what I’m doing🙏🏻

enjoy my cat

thanks

Hey I feel u

thx for explaining it

i can’t seem to handle these voids myself cuz I was told not to give satisfaction of hurt n to just give back what they failed at which now feels incredibly unfair n more more I need it from external n for ppl to finally fight for me or see me at least

i never see this

i thought ppl are good even if they weren’t around or didn’t care or only minimally cuz they didn’t say anything rude that was my only red flag

i I wanted to find good souls since my fam is very judgembtal

but I ended up the wrong way round where ppl used me much more I could imagine n I wanted them to learn this just like I did being naturally curious n caring I actually had positivity inside but all of them took without giving back n I just kept having hope n chance cuz they weren’t bad yk?

I think biggest mistake here so I was convinced I wasn’t ppl pleaser until time I finally went for advice about what’s ghosting n there I have been told all this

im still like this texting n gifting enough but i think i should stop like u say, no one stayed nor cared what’s with me now

its just so deep

but thx for saying that

i I know what’s it like when nobody tells u this n ur waiting for such comfort

im finally learning it backwards to give myself first

i was so into it that im doing it all right, I could say no but for sake of happiness n connections I sacrificed so much time n effort to make ppl stay…..

do u know where destination is?

thus why I ended up w self pity n thus immense thought of no care in world i think its very valid given how many ppl sucked it out of me but i know:( i should just think of how to mend it myself but i fall back into this, like I can’t help but be in these feelings now..

for boundaries i never had any proper cuz i believed ppl are good if they weren’t explicitly bad, i feel like all those lessons i learned abt positivity n kindness w ppl never worked in real life cuz i just had hope n kept staying until they took their hands off of me n left then i was upset n hurt but i always said to myself im confident to met ppl online n im this curious unique person that can give them what others don’t n that made me stay so i dunno but i feel like my ppl pleasing was hidden?

I also been told that when we have to ask for care it means they don’t care enough, do u think the same?

I feel like they owe me big debt man…. could finally someone hug me that it wasn’t our fault that those ppl were in disguise as friendly at beginning but then leaving me like i meant nothing to them, its very hard for me to repay back the kindness i gave them, im this person that loves ppl n company n could become friends instantly with anyone but that’s so hugely wrong when i guess like u said ppl please..,

SORRY ITS LONG JUST HAD TO