PLEASE KINDLY HELP. SUGGESTIONS NEEED.
I'm dealing with anxiety, examphobia and I am about to embark on my study of A-levels (grade 12 exams) after years of educational gap. I'm trying to handle myself but I freeze thinking about the exams and I don't know how to make it go away. I'm also on medication that make me drowsy which I wanna adjust. ANOTHER THING I'M DEALING WITH ARE ALLERGIES BECAUSE BED BUGS HAVE MADE WAY INTO MY BED. The room that is supposed to be my comfort place gives me ptsd thinking about the bugs are multiplying at an infinite level and laying their eggs and giving me allergies, while I have no clue on how to make them go away. I also have ocd and this is giving me psychological distress. I feel like the bugs will follow me because I have become their food source. Please tell me how to eradicate bed bugs and make my room comfortable. Mind you, I'm not from any developed countries. I live in a *** South Asian country that doesn't have many sprays or solutions for bed bugs available on the market right now! There are pest control companies but I fear them because I recently heard a news of one pest control company messing up and killing children with poisonous gases. Please tell me what do I do. Changing apartment is not an option. I feel like God has blocked all my ways to be sane. And I need to be sane for myself and for my education. So please tell me how do I eradicate the bed bugs. I'm bawling my eyes out because of all the itching on my body and dealing with so much pressure. Help me with effective solutions please I beg of you.
@querencia798
Hey @querencia798, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. The anxiety, the pressure to restart your studies, the distressing impact of bed bugs, the medication side effects and the OCD — it’s a lot and I want you to know that struggling doesn’t make you weak. You’re human and everything you’re feeling is valid.
Let’s take this one step at a time.
First, about the bugs.... you’re not imagining it — bed bugs can be psychologically tormenting and you absolutely don’t deserve to suffer in your own space. Since commercial pest control isn’t an option, here’s a safe, powerful DIY approach-
wash and dry all bedding, clothes and curtains at the highest heat (at least 50–60°C). If you don’t have a dryer, iron clothes with steam, especially at the seams. Expose your mattress, pillows and blankets to direct afternoon sunlight for 3–4 hours as bed bugs can’t survive high heat.
If moving them isn’t possible, use a hairdryer or heat gun on the edges and seams. You can also mix salt and baking soda, sprinkle it generously around the bed frame, under the mattress and in room corners. Leave it for 1–2 days then sweep or vacuum. Stick double sided tape around the legs of your bed to trap any trying to climb.
After either method, thoroughly vacuum or sweep every corner, wall crack, skirting and mattress seam and wipe down surfaces using a 50:50 vinegar and water solution or lemon and salt spray as a natural disinfectant.
Then comes reclaiming your room as a comfort space-
burn camphor or incense to reset the energy — the scent alone can be calming.
Change your pillowcase or bedsheet (even an old one in a different colour) to help your brain perceive the space as new.
Add one object that sparks soft joy — a stuffed toy, a gentle lamp or even a note on the wall.
Next, grounding yourself- I hear you — feeling like a “food source” and imagining infestation can be overwhelming. This isn’t just about bugs... it’s about feeling out of control.
Create one bug free zone — a corner with no cloth items, make sure everything in that space is sanitized and safe. Label it “bug free zone” if it helps — don’t think it’s silly. Convince your brain that you are safe. Sit there and breathe. Try box breathing — inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4— or place your feet flat on the floor and touch something cold. Say grounding affirmations out loud.
Now, about exam anxiety- after a gap in studies your brain may go into “freeze mode” because it perceives exams as a threat — this is a natural response not a sign of failure. Break the mountain into pebbles. You don’t need to study everything right away. Choose one subject, one chapter. Even just opening the book counts — exposure alone reduces fear. Try studying in 15 minute blocks with 5 minute breaks (Pomodoro method)
Avoid pushing yourself for long hours just yet — your nervous system needs time to rebuild tolerance. Track small wins daily- write things like “Today I started a chapter” or “I studied two MCQs.” Your brain will register this progress, even if it seems small.
Finally, regarding medication drowsiness- some anxiety meds, especially SSRIs or antihistamines, can cause fatigue and brain fog. If your medication is making you too sleepy then please consider talking to your doctor about shifting the dose to the evening — if it’s medically safe.
You can also schedule focus-heavy tasks during the time of day you feel most alert (often mid-morning for many - keep a journal to track your alertness) or ---
use simple activation tools- splash cold water on your face before studying, or keep citrus scents or a cold drink nearby to help boost alertness. Most importantly, speak openly with your doctor about how you’re feeling — they may adjust the dose or recommend an alternative. You deserve medication that supports you, not something that makes things harder.
Maybe start by writing a to-do list — not for the whole week, just for today or even the next hour. Break it into the tiniest tasks possible and create little boxes you can tick off. Just 5 tasks and finish those 5 tasks. Then only write the next 5. Like:
Firstly, I wanna give you a huge thanks for writing about every concern I'm facing and offering support. I'm really touched - to the point that I'd love to get to know you as an acquaintance or friend - whatever you wish with whatever boundaries you want to keep. Because you sound really kind and similar to the only friend I have in 7 cups. I don't have any real life friends and I live a lonely life. That's why I am seeking friends or some support system here. I hope you do not mind. I'm gonna try everything you said.
@querencia798 Thank you so much for your kind message... it really touched me . I'm genuinely honoured that you feel safe enough to share this with me. And I’d be very glad to get to know you, whether as an acquaintance or a friend, whatever feels comfortable for both of us. No pressure, no expectations — just gentle, mutual support. I am not a listener so you cannot dm me. You can either text me in this thread or if you want you can start a penpal chat with me. I am okay with that.
I hope my earlier message helped or at least eased your worries.
We can continue our chat here. Maybe in future I'll make a new post and tag you and there also, we'll talk. I'm in need of kind people because you know I still feel so much grief and life is lonely where I live. I had gaps. My peers went ahead of me. I don't find soul connections. I hate living where I live. I feel like a failure sometimes for still not finishing school. So I have a 4 year gap before Igcses (grade 10 exams) because my parents made me sit a home, trapped me into an indisciplined life that brought depression, anxiety and behavioural issues. My dad's dad died and he is an emotionally immature man who can't focus on all aspects so he started prioritising the wealth his father had left which was a mess and sibling rivalry and would stay in his hometown. He started neglecting me and my studies. My mom is a schizophrenic patient, dealing with parkinsonism and hallucinations so she was always unable to provide me support or facilitate things for me. Anyway I studied and gave my igcse exams in 2023 when I should've given them in 2019. I got straight A-s in all my subjects. Even before igcses, I had it fixed in my head that I'll go to Malaysia to study a Foundation course (which is a one year course unlike the 2 years A-levels after which you can get into your desired bachelor degree). I wanted to lessen my 4 years gap into 3. And my dad promised to send me abroad and kept me waiting all of 2024 only to tell me in Jan 2025 that I can't go and told me to do A-levels in my home country and it broke everything inside me. I got crazy, rage episodes, fell into months of acute depression because I felt betrayed and terrified that I have to face A-levels which are so much harder than a foundation programme which is equivalent to it. I had to rush to my psychiatrist every now and then. I started self-harming and feeling suicidal all the time due to the trauma and grief. Even my sister (who lives in Belgium) who fuelled the foundation dream inside me abandoned and refused to provide any emotional support to me. She is a traumatised human being who is burnt out now. I can't talk to her the same way I used to because she has created this wall. I got too many reality checks from Feb - that life is hard, uncertain and it'll take you to places you are not prepared for, that I have mental health issues and right now, I'm unfit for an abroad lifestyle because I have to start living again in my home country first so I can take care of myself in abroad. That realisation was hard. I realised I was so fixated on reducing my 4 years gap into 3 that I didn't give myself time to grieve over the lost years, suppressed emotions and wasn't in touch with reality. So when June came, I was in a more calmer state of mind - thanks to my effective medications which reduced my self-harm feeling A LOT. I realised that I didn't want the foundation programme anymore. Which is so limiting like you have to do foundation in business and only business degrees will be open to you, you have to do foundation in design and only design degrees are open to you and you have no guarantee of finding a job in Malaysia after you graduate and they never give pr. And anyway I need to catch the Jan session if I want to study foundation in Malaysia. That'll take all of 2026 to complete and I thought that why not give it extra few months and complete A-levels itself in may 2027 after which every university in the world will be open for me and I can choose any degree. Even my father who saw me in a state he had never seen and realised some of his part into making me feel tortured became lenient towards the foundation programme and got ready to take me for a trip for Malaysia to see the universities but now I myself refused. I realised it was pointless. What if I don't like studying the foundation or the degree for which I'll be studying the foundation. I can't even change my major. I would have to come back and it'd be more time waste. Suddenly I saw myself wanting more options open. I want to go to a country where they give you pr and time to look for jobs. I kmow job search is difficult in any country but I want to see if I can go to places other than Malaysia and only A-levels can make that happen, not any alternative foundation programme or diploma. I need to make the ground beneath me stronger before I choose to go abroad. And because of indecisiveness and mental health, I'm still unsure of what I want to study in the degree level (I know it's not gonna be stem, that's it) and so foundation programmes will not be worth it because you need to choose your degree first. So now I've set my mind on A-levels and between all this 2 years got wasted! In which I could have completed my A-levels had I not been obsessed with the foundation programme or if there was someone to guide me. I feel like it's all my fault even tho it isn't because my dad and sister betrayed me. I feel so behind in life. By the time I'll complete A-levels (if I am able to), I'll be 25 and it'd be 6 years of academic gap, add an extra year to search universities and all. Whereas I wanted to reduce my 4 year gap into 3 it ended up becoming 6-7. I feel unimaginably broken. Scared that if my plan to study A-levels now is a right path or not. Because a mindset of 5 years of not willing to study A-levels was hard to break and it still impacts me. The A-levels curriculum is rigorous. Fear of failing. Fear of getting stuck in this *** country. My heart is stronger now but it still breaks sometimes. I'm dealing with past, present and future even tho I have been told to stop thinking about my future for the next 2 years and focus on the present but it's hard because grief creeps in, shame creeps in, the fact that my life couldn't follow society's timeline gives me fomo and depression. I'm extremely sorry that this was such a long post but I feel like I needed to give you my context so you could understand me better. Feel free to ask anything you found confusing or didn't understand.
You can tell me about you. Your name, where you are from, what do you do, how did you end up in 7 cups - all if you are comfortable. I'm there even if you wanna rant/share something in future.
@querencia798 I'm sorry you're going through this 🙁 I've had urticaria, it feels really bad when the itching starts. Maybe it’s not the same as yours, but I understand how tough it can be... Try not to scratch allergies too much, it can make it worse. When it gets itchy, you can use a neem leaf to gently move over the area of itchiness. I truly wish you find the support ur looking for and everything works out well! 🤍
Sending lots of love towards you! ❤️
Hey Anika, how have you been? Just wanted to check in on you
I admire you checking up on me. Thank you so much.❤️❤️❤️ I cannot survive these 2 years alone. I need you. I sent you my reply to the other text you sent me that day and you can check it and reply to that as well.
About how I am doing, I think last time I told you everything about my country and how it's all massively impacting me. The good thing is, I put it all in my journal. To get clarity on my thoughts and how I really feel about this depraved society. It cleared up some things and made me feel lighter. But some grief is still there as to why I'm stuck with these people. In a *** place like Dhaka with all its traffic jams, pollution and chaos & recently, the symbols of oppression (burqa, niqab and right-wing parties banners). I am sorry, Dawn, if I'm coming across as someone who doesn't believe in the free will of women - which is not me! Yes, people are allowed to wear whatever they want but it's my personal faith that these "religious outfits" are oppressive for most of the part of the Muslim world and women are brainwashed. I mean! Look at Iran, Afghanistan. I'm not like those liberals who, in fear of getting called "Islamophobic" happily accept these. They can call me wherever they want. I don't care. Maturity has hit in that I abandon political correctness now and don't want to be as considerate towards feelings I don't resonate to. I call it out for what it is, esp after the chaos started in my country from 2024. I wish I could be more vocal outside but that would bring risk for my safety. Plus! Those outfits aren't part or native to my glorious Bengali culture! Even some major Muslim-majority countries banned these outfits and here I see some people all covered in black from head to toe IN THIS OBNOXIOUS HEAT and I just feel so awkward, alien and question - are they really so scared of "going to *** if they don't wear these outfits" - which is the common belief that works inside them. As if the mighty supreme power, God, ever cares about these childish things. I'm a highly progressive person and I believe that people should upgrade themselves with time, women should be comfortable in their bodies and not consider them something shameful that needs to be hidden. These are my personal beliefs, and I'm not apologetic for them anymore because it's also not like I'm going out to them, attacking them for why they are wearing it. I'm not violating any boundaries. I just look, question to myself, hate it, then ignore them. So these are some of the things that remain in my mind constantly. I'm sorry if I seem like a bad person to you now. I don't want that. I just...crave for a more liberal society, more free-spirited minds, diverse opinions, no vulgar displays of emotions and fundamentalism. I thought 20s are for going to abroad for studies, travelling, seeing, making relationships, enjoying - and I have nothing. I'm 23. I feel a sense of inferioty and shame even tho I try to rationalise all these feelings of lie but that stigma comtinues to be there. I wanna rip it out of me. I don't wanna live in shame, and keep a timeline for youth.
About my small wins - I like my coaching classes for every subject. I just hate the travelling part, not the destination. I recently got the second highest score in a business test which made me think I may not be as dumb as I think but then as usual my mind counter argued that you don't need to fly high that it was just one topic and you could score higher which you probably won't be able to and fail and bla bla bla. I watch some TV like I used to when I was a child. I try to remain focused on my studies but this thing that I told you about - the outfits (they really shouldn't be impacting me so much but they are and I dunno what to do with this) and the chaos in my country. I talk to my Indian therapist but I sometimes get frustrated when she says things like listen more deeply to what your voice is trying to say because i. have. listened. i just want coping methods and different perspective to help me cope. This is why, psychodynamic therapy gets really tiring because I want actions more. So this is why I turn to friends like you who may have something to offer to help me stay sane. Anya, a friend, I always talk to but she's going through some rough times these days with her grandparents having passed away and I don't want to bother her. I also fear what'll happen in these 2 years. Will I fail? Will I not get any visa from Europe/Australia/New Zealand/Japan/Korea/Russia bevause many countries have stopped giving us visas (India, UAE, Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam, etc) due to our political turnoil and this *** interim government has no skills in diplomacy or anything to sort things out, and this is making me panic. Will this country turn into a war-zone whose students no country would want to take in 2027? I feel like giving up on everything when I think about all this in class. The image of the better future that I want starts shrinking, I feel a paralysing fear because I want to get out of this country. I also mourn my 20s which Idk is even valid or not. Yeah these are my feelings. I'm extremely sorry for being repetitive about the same things but I'm really suffering in my heart. In your 30s or even late 20s it's very likely that you'll have friendd 4 years younger than you or older than you. Then why am I having a trouble accepting that I'm having to sit with people younger than me in class! Why it feels so humiliating! As if my personal traumas were enough, I got national traumas from 2024. All because the public was careless enough to spoil an okayish looking country. I feel like a headless chicken who doesn't know what to do to feel better. I'm sorry I'm not asking about you. Please feel free to tell me what's been happening with you.
personal traumas werent enough*
Hey Anika! Just a quick note — I’ll reply to you soon. I’m in the middle of relocating, so I might be offline for a couple of days while I settle in. Apologies for the delay but I promise I’ll get back to you. Sending you warm hugs in the meantime — and always, always rooting for you! 💖
Okayy no problem!! Thanks for letting me know, I really appreciate this. I have sent 2 texts to you up there (you may have missed out on one, I guess, because you didn't upvote but you can check both out later). You can reply to them whenever you get time. You don't need to appologise at all, esp after letting me know. It gives me peace.
@querencia798 Yes, I’ve read both your messages now, Anika. I’m drafting a reply and will send it to you soon. It took me longer than I expected to settle in and make my way back to 7 Cups so thank you for your patience. * Sending you extra warm hugs and good vibes * 💓🫂
Yes please I'd love that, Pond. Also please take care of yourself and keep me updated. Hugs you back.🫂❤️
@querencia798 Thanks, Anika. I was down with a fever but I’m alright now. Went to the hospital — they put me on an IV drip and gave me a nebuliser for the wheezing. Aah..... we really don’t appreciate our healthy noses and throats enough, do we?
🫂💜
Oh no I'm so sorry! That's painful! One of the disadvantages (healthwise) of relocating. I can handle fever but sore throat and a blocked nose make me wanna d-i-e. So yes, I agree we don't appreciate them enough which we should. I pray you get better and take enough rest. You can reply after recovering, don't worry about it. No issue even if it takes a month but your recovery period will take less time (I pray so) because you don't deserve to be sick for that long! You keeping me in mind matters to me just enough.
"Disinfected" - you're absolutely adorable. * Hugs you tight anyway * 🫂❤️
Sending you healing energies.
@querencia798 Aww thank you Anika 💙 Honestly... the sore throat + blocked nose combo is the absolute worst—I totally get you on the “d-i-e” part. I’m getting better now and I’ve replied to your message so I hope you’ve seen that. Your words already feel like healing energy reaching me and it really means a lot that you’re so patient with my slow replies. I promise I’m resting up and improving little by little. Sending you hugs and good energy right back ✨
Hi Pond! I hope you are still here! First and foremost I'm extremely extremely sorry for being MIA for around 20 days. I feel really guilty. You may not mind but I do. Because 7 cups, esp you and Dawn are the only people who really understand my language, give me unbreakable support and create this breathable space for me where the noise doesn't reach and I feel some mental peace. And I deprived myself of that in the past couple of days! All because I felt like a headless chicken who didn't know how to function under the absolute stress that I've felt in terms of academics for the most part. It drained me. And it is still draining me. Juggling between 3 subjects with so much content is not easy. Business topic test every 2 weeks kept me occupied that I didn't focus much on Psychology from the start. Now I'm getting done with covering the last month's content so I can stay on track. English is the most demanding and while I wouldn't drop it ofc, it terrifies me how I'm still not able to do enough practice. I'm failing to give all of them equal focus! I'm still strugling to balance but I am at it. I haven't given up. To be honest with you, I REALLY REALLY enjoy the learning process. Every new knowledge that I'm getting from my subjects fills me with joy. It's just the goal/exam that is making me panic.
A week ago I fell sick because of rain but I got better soon too. I thought I'd come back here only with a free mind after I'm done making my notes. Am I done? No. But I'm drained and I need the people who hold on to me in difficult times. I realised I always do this annoying thing - burn myself out thinking I'll be free all at once which doesn't happen.
I'm really grateful for the detailed reply you sent to my lengthy text. I have a lot to say there and in general too. So allow me a little time for that. First tell me how have YOU been? Are you completely recovered? Are you still away from home? How's everything going?
@azurePond I hope you can see my message here. 👆 The layout is confusing so I tagged you.
@azurePond Hey, I miss you. I feel really vad these days physically. My mind feels messed up and cloudy. Unfortunately, even my 2 friends are stuck with something at present so I don't want to bother them. But I am lonely and need guidance from time to time. It is not easy.
@querencia798 Should we start a new line in this thread?
@querencia798
Hey Anika,
I hope it’s alright that I started a new thread . I couldnt see some of the earlier messages and things got a bit confusing. Thank you for being patient and for sending love and support while I was away.
How are you? Any good news? what sort of challenges have you been facing lately? Hows your class going and your studies? Hows your mind these days?
Just know that Im always rooting for you. No matter how dark it feels right now.... there’s always a brighter dawn ahead. *sending you virtual hugs * 🫂💙
You are always in my prayers.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Pond
Hey Pond I hope you can see my message in the penpals thread. Please do let me know if you couldn't. I was unable to send my replies here. It was probably a bug because my message wasn't being sent. I miss you. And I'm highly stressed.
@querencia798 Hello Anika.. I am sorry I was not active in the forum. Could you please re-tag me on the penpal chat?
