People looking for love/"a friend" in the internet
I was one of them. I sought a friend who would help me through the difficult times. I was learning to meditate, practicing gratitude, journaling, planting, walking to sustain myself but I didn't meet a friend in the internet.
I met some people and from the data I gathered, sharing non judgmentally- most people in the internet who don't want to work on themselves come to meet their emotional needs. They think they just need to find the right person to make their lives work but in reality they are skipping on the care they are supposed to give themselves, and then also skipping on the care they are supposed to give others. Just wasting their time searching. It's very easy to do in the internet.
This is when I understood the meaning of the poem in a mindfulness meditation:
Do not try to save
the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create
a clearing
in the dense forest
of your life
and wait there
patiently,
until the song
that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself to this world
so worthy of rescue.
by Martha Postlethwaite
So I have decided to stop searching for friends in the internet a long time ago. The work I do on myself is enough and also I try to lift people up by giving compliments to strangers, listening to people and sharing support in the internet. I want to meet people offline who also want to take care of themselves and want to give back to the community.
The support I need is the support I need while learning to take care of myself and when I really need some outside comfort if I get stuck sometimes. And the support I need to be a functioning part of the community.
@seashell145
I agree for the most part whether or not you meet someone on the internet ....... you still need to do the work on yourself....
i think if more people would do that face hard truths make sometimes tough choices about themselves the world would work much better
there are some friends you can meet and chat with that give you a different perspective or ideas you may not have seen to help the growth path .... i have done a lot of work on myself but i feel sometimes i make progress in discussing with others.
@toughTiger6481
This comment isn't helpful for me. It advises me assuming I don't know certain things, I find that condescending.
@seashell145
I want to make some things clear if it isn't clear.
1. Talking to others to get insight:
i) "The support I need is the support I need while learning to take care of myself" in this part of my post I mean the insights getting from others on how to better care for self.
ii) If you don't have a personality disorder, meditation and journaling can give deep insights, they happen so naturally it feels so beautiful. But for people with personality disorders it is advised to have someone like a therapist to guide you with your meditation practice and progress, otherwise you might mistake your thoughts to be reality.
ii) In this post by a friend, I don't mean someone who would help you stay in track, I mean what those people, or I thought a friend meant. Many people seem to have the idea that they can continue to live their unhealthy lives and expect someone else to take care of the mess created from that lifestyle. And they think that is what a friend is and look for that person in the internet.
@seashell145
was not meant that way.... sorry you took offense
Hey thanks for the post. I’ve had an unrealistic fantasy that the right person could meet my emotional needs and save me for a long time. I know it’s not true and I know I need to meet my own emotional needs. I seem to be stuck in a constant battle of depression. I find meditation helps so I’m not as depressed but I can’t seem to escape it in total. Do you have any tips of attitudes I can bring into my meditation? Or any mantras that help with self validation?
@Spiritofthecheetah
I'm really sorry you are in depression and don't seem to get better at it. I feel bad to see you in this kind of pain.
It's really nice that you had the self awareness to recognize you looked for other people to meet your emotional needs and realized you need to take care of yourself. Really good job on your part- and I applaud you for starting meditation to heal yourself.
About tips- I feel flattered that you would ask me for tips. But I don't know what would be helpful for you. I can tell you how I learned to meditate. I started with the app ca.lm, the course "7 Days of Calm", it's for beginners. After practicing for a while with it, I shifted to Insight Timer. There are vast amount of meditations, some recommended for beginners. I have made many minor mistakes on my meditations journey like jumping on an advanced practice instead of being comfortable with a beginners practice first. But over the years learned many things and adjusted my practice.
So I can't tell anything more precise but if you continue practice, I imagine step by step you could find a practice that works for you. I still like beginners practices, they're really useful and peaceful.
Hope my long comment was helpful somehow. I really appreciate your efforts. Sending you lots of love and positive energy <3
@seashell145
Also I forgot to add, you deserve love and you deserve to be heard. Maybe you can't expect another person to take full responsibility for you- but you still deserve love and deserve to be heard, that will add to the love you already have for yourself. <3
@seashell145 aww thanks for writing this post mate.im super impressed that you realized that and got out of that shell. it helped a lot,im in a similar situation,trying to find comfort in people online but i ve learnt that in only brings pain and suffering i want to work on my own self and be happy with who i am but i really dont know how to start all this.i do meditate and all but at times i just feel like im living for other people,im loving more and being loved less,i get attached to people who even give a little bit care and love to me...i dont know how to be emotionally independent.
@Oreocake1
Ah man, thanks for describing what I was feeling! Like it brings more pain than it brings healing. I'm sorry you are going through the same dear one. We are waiting for answers and hope God will send us some. Sending you lots of love, good wishes and warmth! <3 I appreciate you meditating, because many people discard this practice. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself! <3
@Oreocake1
I don't think we are supposed to be emotionally independent. If you look at certain cultures then togetherness and support is very important.
The problem lies in trying to find that support in places that disappoint and ultimately don't provide it 7cups provides a level of support but I think it would be foolish to believe it can fulfill your needs. You need actual people you can see and touch for that.
@Themaninblackxxx
Well I'm not sure if your comment is 100% correct but we do need emotional support and validation, I just don't know where to get it. I guess we all need to be attuned to our true selves so it won't feel so hard to empathize with each other, and we don't have to run around trying to be understood or won't misunderstand other people that much.
I'm curious, what's your mbti?
@Themaninblackxxx
Also physical attraction can defy a lot of spiritual work, it's animalistic I guess. Like it only belongs here, in this 3D world.
Like you haven't done much spiritual work and physical attraction can hold you for a second. Maybe it won't last but it can bypass the suffering for a while. Okay I'm not completely sure about it just an idea that popped up for a second. I'll think about it and will try to form a hypotheses haha.
@seashell145 that's a beautiful thought! I'm interested to be friends if we can get along :) will definitely write the poem in my journal!
@RainyDays2020
Thank you Rainy!
I will make a blog for us to talk soon. I'm a bit tired now. Let's see if we can continue our conversation. Sending you lot's of love and warmth! <3
@seashell145 alright keep me posted
Thank you for writing such insightful post. Self growth is very important, which helps us attract quality people. From my experience, I totally understand quality friendship/relationship matters more. You have every reason to focus on quality instead of quantity.
@WendinCaring
I agree with you. Self growth will help me attract people who are healthy. That's a nice thing you said about quality friendship. As I have been thinking, it probably means caring for each other, being available for each other. Do you mean this?
@WendinCaring
Also forgot to write, sending you lost of love and warmth Wendi <3
@seashell145 Oh, boy, you meant "lots of love", right? Thank you.
@WendinCaring
Yes, sorry typo. I somehow missed it :) Lots of love and warmth <3
