Putting feelings into words
I feel like I get on here every other month and talk about how I am over doing things for other people that wont even lift a finger for me
This year I have been good at taking a step back from people like that and in general taking a step back from people whos life I am a choice for when they are a given in for me
Anyway I'm in the same position again, I am asked to do something that granted isnt hard but is time-consuming and out of my way that I dont want to do
The relationships I have are not based off what others can do for me and I want to keep that in mind but I just dont want to do it and its heavy on my mind becouse I know I will get push back
I will also say I think I hold a lot of hurt and resentment for this person making me not care about our relationship and I am just over doing things for them, I have literaly never asked them do anything for me, like ever and I am just over doing everything they ask and if I am honsest I am over having them in my life - if it was up to me they would be long gone but its not
@callmeRM
It is hard to say a firm NO ......but a must for self care that you do not feel forced into doing things for others especially if the friendship is dependent on it. I too used to always get used to do things but seldom, if ever got anything in return ... it takes more then a few times to stand up to those who ask us to do things we do not even want to do. We make some small progress and then go back to a people pleasing mode again. Say no, take the fallout most of what we fear will happen does not.
we tell ourselves we need the friendship it will be this time we will stand up the next time but in the end we are only prolonging our wants.....and become mad and have resentment.
real friends understand a NO just like a yes
@callmeRM
Hi
Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter. I have been learning to set boundaries the past 5 years or so and I have gotten better at it. I make a lot of excuses why I don't want to get involved in other peoples projects. But identifying what or who you wouldn't want to help, then you have to enforce your decision! I know its easier said than done, but what works for me is when I say I have an appointment or something else I will be doing. The best thing is the hard truth. Tell him, You better find somebody else because I have zero interest in doing any of that project. Good luck setting boundaries! You can handle this if you think about what you really want. You have the right to not want to do anything for this person.
Blessings, Day