Releasing Past Weight to Navigate the Rapid (Reflection Exercise)
In our journey down the river of life, we often hit rocks (i.e. challenges that can stall our progress or even make us feel like we’re crashing). While these obstacles can be difficult, they are also our greatest teachers, showing us where we need to grow and what we need to let go of to move forward. One of the heaviest things we carry in our kayaks is the weight of past hurts.
It is normal to become activated or triggered when stressed. This is a sign that we are stuck on the rocks of a past hurt. These feelings are not to be feared; they are an invitation to heal. The process is simple, but not easy.
First, ask yourself: What does this feeling remind me of from my past? Then, work to forgive the person from that earlier experience. Forgive yourself if you played a part. And finally, forgive the person or situation in the present moment. This allows you to get unhooked and move forward into open water.
Let's turn to the exercise. Complete these two parts and share in the replies:
1. What situation or feeling keeps “hooking” you emotionally?
2. Try the “forgiveness ladder”:
- Name the feeling.
- Recall the earliest memory it connects to.
- Write one line of compassion for your younger self.
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@Heather225
Self doubt keeps hooking me in!
And I find it hard to forgive myself in situations where I let people disrespect me and I didn't advocate for myself, I stayed silent, this is a rock I'm working on 💚🤗
@Amanda84
Oh, I really hear you on that one. It is so tough when we look back and wish we had stood up for ourselves more. But honestly, staying silent in those moments is often just a survival response, and there is no shame in that. The fact that you're working on it now is such a big step. <3 You're doing great.
@Heather225
1. What situation or feeling keeps “hooking” you emotionally?
The breakdown of my marraige after 25 years is a big one for me as it left me hurt and nervous of deeper connections.
2. Try the “forgiveness ladder”:
After being suspected of being ADHD it has shed a new light on some of the issues we had that lead to the breakdown. I don't like reflecting back and imagining if knowing earlier might have made a difference as the past is just that.
@RunningMachine
I am so sorry you are carrying the weight of a 25 year marriage ending. It makes total sense that you would feel hesitant about deeper connections right now. Your perspective on your ADHD and your choice to avoid the what-ifs of the past is incredibly brave and healthy. Thank you as always for sharing your heart with us.
@Heather225
- Name the feeling: Fear
- Recall the earliest memory it connects to: Mistreatment
- Write one line of compassion for your younger self: You haven't fully developed yet. Of course you will lack a filter if you are young kid. You are still learning about people even today and yourself.
@JasGab200519970
Oh Jas, it takes so much courage to look back at those moments of mistreatment. You are exactly right that children are meant to be unfiltered and still learning. I love the grace you are showing your younger self today. We are all here growing right alongside you. <3
@Heather225 ❤️
@Heather225
1. What situation or feeling keeps “hooking” you emotionally?
I have a lot of these, honestly, but my currently I keep replaying the interactions I keep having with a relative. They tend to be toxic, confrontational, and mean.
2. Try the “forgiveness ladder”:
- Name the feeling. Infuriating, saddening, confusing, painful.
- Recall the earliest memory it connects to. A big blowout I had with this person a few months ago; she continues to try and start similar fights on social media, but I do not engage.
- Write one line of compassion for your younger self. A loved one betrayed you, and it makes perfect sense that it's stressing you out! Things will get better.
@HappySpecter
Thank you so much for sharing your reflection. Dealing with toxic family dynamics is incredibly draining, especially when they try to pull you back in through social media. I am so proud of you for choosing not to engage and for showing your younger self such kind compassion. Sending you lots of strength as you continue to protect your peace. <3
@HappySpecter Love can be such a confusing emotion and I’m proud you had stood your ground, Happy!