So Finally after 15 months we had Sexual intimacy but...
Thankful for this forum and I know others agree.
Most aren't aware of my situation but bottomline my GF who Ive known for 40 years and we were at both of our separate weddings 30 + yrs ago but now together thankfully.. We started dating 2 yers ago (full circle) by fate and we love each other. We started off dealing with a long distance relationship and then finally moved in together for the last year. But issues came up and she is moving out to be closer to her mother not doing well and older children. We tried but still love each other. Hard to see the move out. But I'm supportive of her move as we've dealt with this before. This time seems harder.
I cried out for 15 months to have sexual contact and she always felt smothered when I brought it up 1x a month. Not cool which cause many issues with us. Finally a break through last night but is it short lived before she leaves. We have plans to make it work and see each other a few times a month like before in the beginning.
But my question is how do I approach the next time we have sex after last night(no intercourse but everything else) without seeming too overwhelming. She has always been very independent and if it occurs naturally then great. So I have to tread waters lightly.
Please advise.
@Greensky11
I am happy you are making progress and feel better about your future.
As a person who also has a relationship with intimacy problems if and when we have a breakthrough like you I would hope to resume by a more like dating mode and getting to know each other and share items that we felt through the drought etc. NOT the all is fine lets pretend all is over and go backwards....You both have gone through changes in the last 15 months
@toughTiger6481
Thank you for your advice. You said to go forward essentially by a more dating mode and get to know each other.. I have been treating things like that but it's kinda hard for me because she is leaving for 4 days today to look at places to rent and then 3 days after she returns we will be driving out with all her stuff. I was hoping to try and develop some more physical intimacy(build off of what happened the other night) before she moves out. She is naturally stressed about the move and I'm sad. Once we get there she will be focused on unpacking finding new furnishings etc. so our time will be limited with regard to intimacy. I wanted to leave her knowing we can make it work physically which would do a lot for my strength going forward by not living with her. I feel like asking her if the other night was a "one off"/fluke (might not be the best word choice) or can we try and build on the chemistry of what happened before you move? Or something like that. Would love to know your thoughts.. Hope this makes sense.
@Greensky11
I totally get what you are saying it is always a concern that one good night was a fluke or something else.... from my standpoint talking like dating even after she moves ...hopefully in next few days you find a connection again
i have a friend in a LDR and just including the other person in your day .........makes then feel thought of/ appreciated and wanted .....
example : a text like , "smile i am thinking of you" good morning or good night greetings .... sending a photo of a good sunset or something and say you wanted to share it with them .
most calls / text between long term partners end up being superficial about what was dinner if they slept well / current events .... does not make someone miss you does it? It becomes more of a chore then a conversation .... i wish more people would keep the "dating " thoughtful banter.
Just my opinion /thoughts
@toughTiger6481
I get the dating mindset even after she moves. I always try to keep that in mind in our relationship.
Any advice on how to bring it up with her before the move to see what she's thinking and if there's a chance it happens? Please note that is kinda stressed and I learned to tread lightly about some topics these days so she doesn't get too overwhelmed. But it's important issue to talk about at this point..
@Greensky11
You might try bringing it up in this way:
"Thank you for a great night ( last night etc) the emotional connection i feel has helped me remember how much i have always been drawn to you and love you. " emphasize how much you feel / appreciate the closeness you shared without expectation of her saying me too...
sometimes being appreciated even if you may not think you made a huge difference IMO reaches people in a different way ....
example some times i respond to thread here and never expect a response but when i get a thank you/ or you made me see something. differently.... it is a remarkable feeling most people want .....but seldom get a feeling of REAL appreciation
i do not know if that makes sense you can talk about what happened with out creating stress by just appreciating the beauty of the moment you shared with her
@toughTiger6481
Well said.. That was the advice I was looking for. Spot on.
Thank you and I truly appreciate your thoughts..
Hopefully it goes well when I decide to bring it up.
@toughTiger6481
Also, after I take your advice; would it be wise for me to say something like " I look forward to continuing to build on our intimacy as I feel it will bring us closer together or I'm hoping we can share more moments like that going forward"
I don't think I should suggest was that just a fluke/one-off because that will put her on the defense which is no no.
Final thoughts to the above?
@greensky11
I think you know her and situation the best and i think that line sounds fine... i do think to come across sincere and connected to not try to over practice what you may say. and let her reactions drive the conversation.
@toughTiger6481
Sweet.
She is too stressed today about everything going on with the move and finding a place that I will wait till tomorrow or perhaps upon her return once she knows she has a place. But I don't want to wait to long..
Thank you..
