Still Miserable
I'm in therapy and genuinely feel like I am trying the best I can with my life, but I am still miserable. From the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep, I am anxious to the point I feel like I'm fearing for my life over any little thing that happens. If I hear an unpleasant noise, if someone is home when they're not supposed to be, if someone is not home when they're supposed to be, if anyone around me seems to be in a bad mood at all, if anyone texts me, anything. I feel like I'm stuck just shaking in a corner trying to comfort and distract myself every single day. I can't actually DO anything, I can't BE anything. I just eat and distract myself on my phone. I can't even get myself to play a video game anymore. I feel like I constantly have to be at least a little bit alert to what is going on around me, and that combined with the shame of never being productive enough on any given day makes it feel almost impossible for me to just allow myself to sleep. I feel like such a failure, and I have no idea what to do.
@ConureConnor i relate with that. you are not alone. it *** sucks. it sucks other people don't even know what it's like. they just couldn't understand. being hyper aware at all times is so exhausting.
That’s really rough Connor, but you’re doing the best you can. Anxiety is a real monster that takes a lot of courage to fight, and you’re going to get through it. Have you looked into meditation or mindfulness? Maybe you could try earplugs or ear *** for sensory deprivation? To dull the noise of the world, so you can hear what your heart is trying to tell you? I feel like you’re an empathetic soul, and that’s a good thing. I’m a Pisces, and I quite identify with the personality of an emotional fish. You’re not alone, and you’re not a failure. The most powerful phrases are: “I’m sorry, I need help.” And, “Thank you.” Find a starting point, I know you probably feel like you’re in free fall right now, but try and ground yourself. Do you see a therapist at all? Can you reach out to your support network for help?
@ConureConnor
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. What you’re describing sounds exhausting and frightening, and it makes sense that you feel stuck when your body is in constant survival mode. Feeling miserable despite trying your best does not mean you’re a failure—it means you’re overwhelmed. You’re already doing something important by being in therapy. You deserve rest, safety, and compassion, even on days when you can’t “do” anything. You’re not broken, and you’re not alone.
