**TW**: I Overate Again…
**TW**
I overate again… on purpose. I didn’t end up feeling sick, just fat. Looked at myself in the mirror and I look pregnant. (I’m not remotely pregnant.) Every part of me is thin except my tummy, which is gradually expanding, subtly. You can’t really tell by looking at me. I look lithe and thin. I think a lot of it’s in my head, because the numbers on the scale aren’t going up. But I feel fat and disgusting and mostly just frustrated with myself. Like… Why can’t I get over this? Why can’t I stop myself from eating like this?
Why do I have this constant need to fill a hole in my heart with food? Is it the trauma? Is it something else?
I keep spending money on junk food. Why?
I’m just so lonely… I don’t feel at home anywhere. (Except with my mommy) <3 Everywhere I frequent. I am, usually, welcomed. Sometimes ignored. Sometimes people look at me like I’m an alien. I’M never truly accepted anywhere.
I alternate between being invisible and being peoples’ punching bag.
I go between feeling nothing and feeling everything.
I need rest, but I always feel the need to be productive.
I hate myself. Often.
And wish I could be better.
And I struggle so hard to be perfect. And people love me. And then I fail and I kick myself. And I can’t see the good I’ve done. All I can see is that one, glaring, sin.
No wonder I overeat.
I eat to forget.
@ShadowFaerie
@unassumingEyes
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou
@sadcat13
@Amanda84
@goldenduckling
@mytwistedsoul
@Tinywhisper11
@LovemyMoonflowers
@GreenLime3141
@7Bear7
@Phoenixthepoised
@Torean
@GentleHealingInitiative
@Wazowski91
I’m really sorry you are never truly accepted anywhere.
@jesusredeemedme2425 I appreciate you, and I love you 💗 it's not easy to see the good we do, just tend to concentrate on the bad it really sucks I know🙁 I wish I had the answer or even the words that would comfort you best. But I'm good at giving hugs🙂 gives you the giantist tiny hug evvverrr💖 your beautiful and amazing never doubt that💖💖
@jesusredeemedme2425 I just want you to know that I see you and I truly appreciate your strength 💖 The pain and frustration you're carrying must be heavy but please remember, you don’t have to carry it all alone. It’s so easy to feel like we’re fighting a battle inside that no one else can see but you are seen and your feelings are valid and the light you bring to this world matters more than you know.
You're beautiful, you're enough and you are truly loved. Never forget that, okay? 💫💖
@jesusredeemedme2425
Don't be blind to the good that you do. I think what you've done with the "needs reply" is incredible, and you're an amazing friend. That said, I can't exactly stop my own self-hate, but I know that yours isn't truly deserved, we've all failed in our own ways. You already do the important part, which is learning from them. It doesn't mean that you'll always do the right thing, but you're still doing so much good, and I'm super proud of you.
@jesusredeemedme2425 this happens to me when I get Mexican food. not to make light of it. just saying... it is a gross feeling lol. <3
I feel it… It’s Chinese food for me XD
@jesusredeemedme2425 haha. I don't have that problem with Chinese because it stays longer as leftovers 😂
Good point… but it’s not as good the second day XD
@jesusredeemedme2425 sending you prayers, love and hugs 💜 Please don't be so hard on yourself, you are struggling and going through so much right now, you need more positive and loving words not loathing towards yourself. You are a bundle of energy, have a massive heart and are kind and compassionate, none of this is lessened or detracted because you are going through a hard time 🥰💜
@jesusredeemedme2425
I'm just going to concentrate on the perfection thing.
I don't think striving for perfection is healthy. You could almost see it as sin, as it is a state of stagnation that kills growth.
Time is ever changing. We must change with it if we want to be in sync. The way is progressive adaptation my friend! Try it out. Accept yourself radically as you are, but aim to always improve.
I am here for you, I've struggled with my body image all my life too. Message me and we can talk. You're beautiful as you are.
@Honestkitten1369 so kind of you 💜🥰