There and Back Again
@Amanda84 @RunningMachine @Ailuralove8tear9 @LadyInSilence
Well, what to say.. I have a tendency to withdraw when I become overwhelmed. I had a lot going on in my personal life that was disheartening. The reason I had left here was because I thought I had revealed too much about myself (or told myself this).
For what it's worth I did really miss you guys. I withdrew / isolated from everywhere entirely. I grew a pretty gnarly beard now (I think I'll finally shave it off Saturday).
My therapist thinks I have a "Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style." I'm working on it. She suggested that I should come back, and that in general that the support was good for me.
Here's a beloved song about the desire for change:
The Shins - New Slang
@RunningMachine
Happy for u 😊🌸
@RunningMachine
That's great! DBT can certainly be helpful. I'm reading a book that my therapist suggested to help me with my avoidance / attachment issues that has certainly been helpful.
Though no mention of my really clever thread title?! 🤔
I thought for sure you'd get it. . .
@SmackyMcGee
Welcome back 💙🤗
You only need to share what you feel comfortable with.
We are all human and all trying our best here to navigate things and support each other, we won't always get it right but we are trying 🤗💙
@Amanda84
It's not what I share or who I share it with that matters so much. It's WHERE I share it. Being on a platform that could be hacked is less than ideal. It's actually I guess good for me to feel like I can share these thing. Closeness is difficult and just make me want to run sometimes
@SmackyMcGee
I respect that 🧡🤗
@Amanda84
Well you didn't leave me a lot to work with, but I'll have you know I've been listening to Kingfishr a LOT. He's quickly become one of my favorites, and made it on to my folk playlist (not an easy feat). I listened to him today while mucking stalls.
And I've been going riding a lot. I'm being trained well by someone very experienced. She says I'm a natural and swears she's not lying but I feel like that's just something you say. I want to learn horseback archery but she says I'm about a year away from being ready. All a man wants is to shoot a bow off the back of a horse like a Dothraki screamer. Is it so much to ask?
Either way you can finally tell everyone that you know a real cowboy 🤠
I hope you're doing well and not getting burned out. I know you're life isn't easy and I hope you know I've got a lot of respect for all you do for your family and the people on this platform 🤍
@SmackyMcGee
Hey Mr, tough flowerrrr (with beard 😅) 🤗 welcome come backkkk...!! How's you, i really missed tou, yk? 🤧
Hugsss (つ≧▽≦)つ
Yayy..!! I'm happy 🤗💕 
@AiluraTheCat
Hi Ailura!! The feeling is mutual I promise you. Nice name change! It should be a lot easier to tag you now (always screwed that up 🤤)
I hope you are doing well 🤍
.. Random question: I see you use the anime memes a lot. I never really got into any too much, but my buddy keeps hounding me to watch "Pantheon" on Netflix. Have you seen it? Is it any good?
@SmackyMcGee
Lmaoo 😭 finally saved you from typing a whole password just to tag me 😂🐾now it’s quick, easy… and no more "did I get the 8 or 9 right" stress, now I'm officially cat 😂😂 you really came up to my mind when i changed my username xD 😅
How are yu now BTW??!! I'm doing amazing as always ❤️, ty so much for asking 😊
And abt the anime, yeah...!! I'm a huge anime lover ❤️ but hey, i swear... I never heard abt the anime u have mentioned 😅. It's maybe because i stepped back myself frim watching animes... Maybe it's a recent one or something, I'm unaware of it. Lemme cheak it out, will let you know soon 😊 but as long it's an anime, you can blindly watch it 😅 Anime's are the best 😝
Omg I'm so happy that you are heree 😭😣💕 yayy..!! (つ≧▽≦)つ
@AiluraTheCat
You're 10 hours ahead of me then. I think Amanda is 5 hours ahead. Running Machine is 6 hours ahead. (I think I have that right). What's unfortunate about all that is by the time I get home and actually have time to talk I think everyone is basically in bed. Bummerrr
I guess there are shows that are technically anime that I got into. Pokemon when I was a kid, Zoids as a teen (the one from the 80's / early 90's was my favorite).
I'm very happy to hear you're doing well!! I was not doing too hot for a while but I've been feeling a lot better recently.
Except for the fact MY HAIR IS FALLING OUT. I made it this long!! I'm 35 why is it starting now?! I'd be ok with it had I been married already but fate has not allowed it. The good news is that I will not go gracefully (medicine, then eventually surgery).
I've been keeping myself busy though. My house is a construction project. Lots of volunteering. No free time
@AiluraTheCat
💙
@Amanda84
😊❤️
@SmackyMcGee
@Amanda84 @RunningMachine @Ailuralove8tear9
Welcome back Mitch. You've been missed and started wondering if you were doing ok? I'm glad you're back and thanks to your Therapist who seemed to know how much of a charm you were here, at least I felt you were. Not sure now since the beard has come and the hair is falling (its not marriage, alopecia remember). Hows the ladies at the church? Welcome back again Mitch :)
@LadyInSilence
I'm glad to be back as well. So far I've selfishly only been catching up with you guys and not trying to lift help anyone. I'll get around to it 😄
My therapist is amazing. There's been so much growth since I started with her.
Hahaha yes less charming these days. Age has been kind to me up until this point. It is what it is.
I'm not sure I understand the "it's not marriage, it's alopecia" part, but it doesn't take much to confuse me 🤤
The ladies at church has been a bit of a sticky situation. I've got a 20 year old that had a crush on me. Her mom and I were close and used to talk almost every day but I heard through the grapevine that her father got mad / jealous that I talk to his wife and now she doesn't talk to me anymore. It hasn't helped with the feelings of loneliness. He's also made some passive agressive statements about my age after his daughter gave me cookies for Valentines day (despite not pursuing a relationship with her).
I ended up leaving that church (though still volunteering with them) and going back to the church I was baptized at (and the one the rest of my family attends). It's a lot bigger with a lot more people and will give me a better chance of potentially finding a partner too. Not that it's a dating service.
Anyways it's nice to hear from you again. It's nice to be back around my peeps.
@SmackyMcGee
Jeez, you managed to be active outside this place too. A wife who befriended you, a husband who became jealous, a daughter who has a crush on you, the father who hated you from his wife befriending you. You kept me engaged here 😄 You're not a home wrecker, are you?!
How have you been feeling lately?
@LadyInSilence
I don't know if she was really my friend. I'm questioning it now. I started going to my old church because they were all stressing me out. A lot of bickoring amongst themselves as well. Not very pleasent. No I'm not a homewrecker haha. I would never get together with a married woman. I'm just lonely and she would talk to me
@SmackyMcGee
You still haven't told me how are you feeling now? I hope everything is going well with you.
@LadyInSilence
I'm good! I've been doing a lot around the house, finally went clothes shopping (been putting it off for literally years), shopping around for an F-150, tinkering with my computers, volunteering, going to church. I'm just hoping I keep my hair for a bit longer 😄
How about you? What's new and exciting?
Hi Mitch, nothing’s new or exciting. Been the same since you left me ( 🤭 kidding) since your withdrawal. I’m feeling good and have been trying to project it more. I do have downs but been managing to beat them up with all the strength I have. Its not taking much of my time to enjoy the rest if it.
Regarding alopecia, I recall you once had this talk with runningmachine about your hair falling out. Jokingly you said alopecia. Then you said to Ailura here that you’re sure you have not married for it to start falling out again.
I’m not sure how much of oversharing you gave done here but you have been very friendly to most of us. I’m terribly sorry if it was taken advantage. Mitch you have a good heart, don’t let others or anything put down.
Bless your heart ❤️
@LadyInSilence
Male pattern baldness is called androgenetic alopecia (not to be confused by the many other types of alopecia). I was saying that I hope I'm married before all my hair falls out. Then I can go bald and eat as much as I want 😄
Nobody took advantage. I just don't shut my mouth. I once had a drunk lady tell me I talk too much. I didn't disagree. . .
I'm glad you are doing well. Life does have a lot of curve balls it throws at us. The more we deal with the more resilient we become.
I'm sorry I left. I go crazy from time to time but I'm working on it. I'm happy to be talking with you guys again. Though where is @TheRunningMachine ? Did he think he could escape us?
you tagged him wrong ð¤£
@RunningMachine
@SmackyMcGee
@LadyInSilence
Escape, the multiverse isn't grand enough to achieve that 🤪🤪
Been struggling a little physically with arthritis, very tired during my night shifts so keeping online time low. Arthritis has eased so gradually get back too normal. Been ploughing through psychological books recommended by therapist, fascinating and been absorbed. I'm off work until next Wednesday so might be online a bit more.
@LadyInSilence
Whoops, well thanks for the assist!
@RunningMachine
Oh man, you really deal with a lot in relation to your health. Did I tell you it makes me feel like a cry baby for having my problems? I think I did.
What books if you don't mind me asking? I'll likely not read them as I have a quite extensive reading list I'm trying to catch up on myself, but if they apply to me or anyone I know and you have found them really helpful I may give them a read / recommendation. I just read "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" and it's been IMMENSELY helpful to me. I read through it twice, the second time I highlighted and took notes. I'm waiting to read the last chapter though. I need to let the rest of it sink in first.
@SmackyMcGee
A small list that you probably won't read.
The Body Keeps The Score, Bessel Van Der Kolk
How Emotions Are Made, Lisa Feldman Barrett
A History Of The Mind, Nicholas Humphrey
The Neuroscience of Psychotherapy, Louis Cozolino
The Master and his Emissary, Iain McGilchrist (in progress)
Next on list are
How the Mind Works, Steven Pinker
Finding Purpose in a Godless World, Ralph Lewis.
He's determined to get me to buy into mindfulness practice which my hyperactive nature struggles with.
If you're into podcasts I've been listening to 'Mind-Body Solution' which has interviews with the authors above and 'The Rational Living Show' a CBT based practice with similarities similar to DBT.
@RunningMachine
Actually a couple of these sound good. Particularly the neuroscience of psychotherapy. The body keeps score I think I've been recommended before
Sorry for the late response
@RunningMachine
Oh, and you still haven't commented on how wildly appropriate the title to this forum thread is. I figured you'd be the only one in this list to get it..
Now I’m curious
@SmackyMcGee
My first thought was that you were confused and that maybe you meant 'out and back'. For years i rode cycling time trials most often on 'out and back' courses but I know such time trials are an English eccentricity dating back to the late 1800's which was originally on penny farthings or boneshakers. It can't be that ?
2nd thought is the Hobbit, which i started many times but never completed.
@RunningMachine
.. It's The Hobbit 😄
Interrupting to ask Smacky if I should change his name on my taglist <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Howdy stranger!
I would have added you to this thread has I remembered the series of numbers after your name (2425).
I would hold off on adding me just yet. I want to change my name to SlappyMcGee so people don't confuse me with my cousin..
I hope you have been doing well 🤍
Hehe no worries!
Lol cousin XD Cool, just let me know when <3
I’m good, just perpetually exhausted lol
@jesusredeemedme2425
Busy life? Don't forget to cut out sometime for yourself. I pushed myself too hard recently and ended up getting burned out. Not fun 😅
No… Hating my life. So stressed :(
What’s time for myself???
I’ve been in burnout mode for YEARS.
@jesusredeemedme2425
Why hate your life? I'm sure you have your reaons. And you don't have to share if you don't feel up to it
I had a breakdown today. :(
Stuff I can’t share, but it’s a lot of things out of my control, not enough rest and me time and silence, etc. Feel like I’m losing my mind from lacking so many things…
@jesusredeemedme2425
Oh man, are you in good company. I've broken down many times. It's the nature of my existence. Some people just have to live their lives in 'hard mode.' It's ok you don't want to share. I promise I won't take it personally.
I'm lacking a few things in my life as well. Mainly authentic connection (aside from my family). I wish I had a few closer friends and a significant other.
You'll be in my prayers 🤍
I’m so sorry :’(
It’s not personal, it’s just not things I can share online.
I live my life in hard mode, definitely.
What about us??? Hehe
Thank you <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Well you are wiser than me! I accidentally overshare sometimes. You guys are very near and dear to my heart, and I do feel authentically connected for sure. I guess I'm not wording it correctly. I mean intimate connection (no, not that kind, get your mind out of the gutter 😄)
At the end of the day we don't know each other terribly well. There is a barrier that this hyperspace puts between us, and no matter how hard we try, it will always be there since we don't actually know each other in person. I wish I had more of this brand of intimate connection. I suppose I have it with my family, but they are all getting older and I fear being left alone in this world. Especially now that my dear Bella is gone.
Sorry that got really dark really quickly. I'll probably be fine haha.
And sorry your life is in expert mode. I feel the same though things have gotten better in recent years (sober, found God).
Speaking of, June 12th will be my four year anniversary of my baptism. Hallelujah. I'm glad it come AFTER my birthday and not before so things don't end on a down note 😅
I overshare constantly lol
We love you too. Hehe <3
My 7Cups family is often closer than my IRL friend-family <3
Probably???
Awww that’s awesome <3
Congratulations! <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Well if you're talking about parents you're not close with, definitely understandable. I feel leagues closer to you guys than to my mother (mommy issues confirmed)
I'm hoping you don't have kids though, because that would be messed up 😄
Thank you, I'm very excited. What a journey it's been!
Dad’s dead, close with Mom <3
I meant my group of friends I consider family <3 No kids.
What’s it been like?
@jesusredeemedme2425
Sorry your father is no longer with us, I suppose I should be more careful asking about parents.
I went from a nihilistic abyss where I believed everything was pointless and that I'd never see the people I lost to a place of hope and understanding that everything happens for a reason. There's still a lot of growth I have to experience spiritually, but my conviction increases with every passing year. The life I live now bares little to no resemblance to the life I had before other than my absurdist sense of humor
Nooo you can ask anything! We weren’t close, so it wasn’t super emotional.
That’s wonderful! I’m so glad <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Since I can ask you anything, how are you doing since last we spoke? I thought the thread died and got busy with a bunch of other things. Sorry for the untimely response
I’ll be honest, I forgot this thread existed XD I have so many penpal chats going lol
I’m tired. Not as broken as before, and trying to keep it that way! My ED is driving me crazy.
You???
When are you changing your name btw lol
@jesusredeemedme2425
That's great you're feeling a little better. I'm pretty bummed. I found out last night the horse I ride is being taken to a different pasture. No more riding? It's hard to process. It was so important to me. I'm also lonely and miss my dog. Same old sob story. I wish I felt more gratitude but I do not
Now when you say ED are we thinking of the same thing? Here this is a guy problem and for some reason I was thinking you were not a male
Idk on the name change thing. I currently can't change it or delete / remake my account but I've contacted support
You ride horses??? JEALOUS!
Different pasture? Wym?
I’m sorry :(
What happened to your dog?
Lollllll noooooo! I’m not built that way XD I meant eating disorder. Lol
Ask H?
@jesusredeemedme2425
I suppose I rode horses past tense until I figure out the horse situation. Yes I do Western saddle and bareback but no English saddle (yet). Not ready for it quite yet and it can kind of screw up your coordination because of how you signal the horses with your legs (reversed in English saddle from what I understand). I do want to learn it eventually so I can shoot a long bow off the back of a horse like a dothraki screamer 😆
Either way I'm not doing it any more until I find (or more likely buy) another horse. Horse care is expensive so I have to really think this one out. You can actually lease horses which is what my fellow horse people are telling me to do, but a close friend of mine just lost his horse so I kind of want to go in halves on his next one. We shall see..
My dog got bit by a tick and went lame. I had to put her down after watching her suffer for a month last April (over a year ago now). I still cry a lot. My house feels empty along with all of my accomplishments. it all feels like it's in vain
Eating disorders are no joke. My sister had one when she was young but eventually got through it. I'll mention you in my prayers tonight though
@SmackyMcGee
Hey Mr. Tough Flower Guy 😊!
Iemme write a reply for you previous msg here 🤧
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatahu 😊 and good morning!!
I'm really sorry for the late replies. I honestly haven't been doing well lately, and I didn't even reply to any of my penpals either 😭 Hope you understand me 😊 Please don't mind it!!
Lol nooo 😂 It was a biscuit 🤧 We Indians have this habit of eating biscuits, cookies, and random indian snacks with tea or coffee 😭 Chai culture is HUGE here 😊
Aww 😭 she sounds so kind and lovely!! Please say hi to her for me 🤗 Though honestly, if I were in her place, I might at least poke your eyes once 😂😂 (Just kidding 🤧) but *Pokes ur eyes* *Run faster*
And yeah!! glad to hear tht u know what u r doing 😊, no worries if so ❤️!! And I think I seriously need to eat properly. I've been randomly skipping meals lately, especially breakfast and dinner 😭 I also need to improve my sleep timing and sleep duration. My routine has honestly become terrible these days ):
Hey, I think I'll try watching that anime 🤔 It sounds interesting!! Right now I'm watching "One Piece" It's not as analytical as though 😭 Like HOW are people healing deadly wounds just by eating and sleeping man 😂 But still, it's really good hehe!
I also watched He ll's paradise lately and WHOA... that anime was amazing 😭 It had fantasy, mythology, sci fi, action, and slight romance mixed together perfectly I usually love those kinds of genres. But honestly, (I completely hate romance or love plots 😂 Don't even ask me why because I seriously don't know the reason myself 😭 I even mock my friends when they watch romantic stuff lol 😂)
But something about Gabimaru (mc) really caught my attention 🤔 I never saw many anime MCs like that before. The fact that he already had a wife from the beginning somehow made his character feel unique to me. I know it's not some huge thing 😂 but it genuinely made me interested in him as a protagonist.
HAHA 😭 literally everyone in this community wants Amanda!! I genuinely don't think 7 Cups would feel the same without her. And wait... you had a listener account too?! 😮 That's honestly amazing 🤗 You can always log back in whenever you feel comfortable 😊 not pressure n i love listener side of the community as well 🤗
And thank you so much for saying all that 😭 I always replied whenever I emotionally felt ready, but at the same time I kept feeling guilty for taking so long. Reading your message honestly lifted that weight off my chest a little. Thank you for being so kind, thoughtful, and understanding 😊 I'm genuinely grateful, buddy 🤗
And YESSS 😭 you're absolutely right about social media!! I seriously hate it to the core. I'm in my early 20s, yet I was never attracted to those apps 😭 I don't know... seeing people constantly fake who they truly are just feels exhausting to me ): I'd rather spend my time doing meaningful things. That's honestly why I'm so happy to be here on 7 Cups and slowly growing here 😊
And thank you again for your words 😊 They truly mean a lot to me. I'm trying to improve one step at a time, and honestly, that small progress helps :) Though yeah 😂 I seriously need to increase my food intake. My body weight is dropping below my BMI now and it's freaking me out 😭 I genuinely don't know why I dislike food so much 😭
How have you been doing lately, buddy 😊 I hope you're doing really well!!
@AiluraTheCat
Whoops! I didn't realize the thread was still active and disappeared again (sorry, I swear I wasn't being passive-agressive). See it happens to even the best of us (me 😉)
Indian! That's very cool. Indian food is my favorite (an I'm Italian 😂)
My friend Divya and I just went to an Indian restaurant named Shalimar the other day. I got 2 different lamb dishes but the goat is not bad either. Neither goat or lamb is eaten a lot here which is odd
I also like the paratha bread but naan is always good too. I think the paratha has ghee folded into it so it's not the most healthy thing on earth but it tastes great 😂
As far as body weight goes, that's a tricky one. I sometimes get too skinny myself but have been better at maintaining a good weight lately.
I guess I have some pieces of advice (maybe a shot in the dark). You can add more calorie rich foods (fatty, bonus for high carbs). Also your stomach can get used to less food (doesn't expand as well, makes you feel full off less). So the more you don't eat the worse the problem gets. Also Ramadan was (somewhat) recent so it might be difficult returning to normal?
Who knows.
I'm glad we have the social media thing in common. It's so bad for society. I don't need to fake being cool because it's so obvious already that I'm really, really cool. You believe me right?
You ARE really really cool hehe :D
@jesusredeemedme2425
Congratulations, you're getting a pay raise and a promotion 😆
From zero and nothing to…….???? Hehe
@jesusredeemedme2425
Triple the pay and "executive of bureaucracy"
