The world is so wide, but I can't feel its depth
Some years ago, when I was about 12 year old, in an evening in our apartment, I imagined I'm here, and another girl with the same age may exist miles away, in far countries, but in a different culture, in a different environment, in a different family. And I felt that the world is so big. Is so wide. And that I wanna go feel experience that bigness.
Now I'm 15. And I feel limited. Stuck. In my community, in my family, in my school. I wanna feel the endless feelings. But I'm stuck. In everything.
I wanna be free. But how can I do that when I'm limited by the only way? Why should success only have one usual way here? Why should I tolerate the high pressure of Iran's university entrance exams when even the way to accomplishing it doesn't help me after entering university? Why am I losing everything and I myself put more pressure on myself to do better in the system, which means losing more and more for me? What can I do? The world is so wide, but I'm stuck.
(Someone who might feel similar @NobleSeeker)
@moonlightinnight I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Please know that you're not alone in this. and you truly matter 🤍 I hope you find the support here 🍀🤍Sending lots of love your way! ❤️❤️
@fossilfellow
Thank you🥺💖💖💖🫂🫂🫂🫂
@moonlightinnight
Yeah, I battle a war too. In every second.
@LunaEstelar92
I get it. I can't be so frustrating and tiring. Specially when life itself becomes a war to survive. Some days I wake up and get frightened of the load of work and school stuff etc I have to do wishing I could go back to sleep for some years.
@LunaEstelar92
Tight hugs🫂🫂🫂💗💗
When I was your age, I just simply focused on surviving my childhood and home. I couldn’t imagine life past college. The only pressure I had on myself was escaping my current home, so that was my imagining the big world.
How I “opened up” my world was imagination, since travel wasn’t something my parents were not keen on doing - many people had gaps years to travel, I just focused on making money to leave… different goals.
Now I have money to travel, and I have done so, so I can open my world, with or without other people’s approval or care. I still use imagination when times get hard. It is my coping mechanism. I was told that within reason, it is a safe one.
@batgirl1234
I'm glad you survived🫂❤️ Nowadays there is a lot of pressure for academic things and I wanna be the best so I will have a chance to escape from all these situations, to have a chance to find what I want, to do and be what I want. but that seems heavy itself that I'm confused about what exactly I am losing, the success or me.
I did not know exactly what I wanted so I was able to escape. I just built up some skills that were marketable that I didn’t mind doing that had a clear path for my escape.
Many people change careers over time, I choose to do well in school because I needed to do that to escape because it opened more doors than closed them.
When I got older, I decided maybe a career change is in order, since I escaped, had some good experiences that I wanted like some travel and of course, never told my parents. They will detract and take away the good parts and things of my success that I gave myself. Or they’ll try to take credit. Either way, they make it about themselves. I made sure to keep any successes, especially years later, about myself. It may sound narcissistic, but honestly, I grew up having next to no identity and was told I had low self esteem, because well, if you’re parents keep saying bad things, and hurting you, it’s tough to feel like you are of value of just being yourself.
Also, it’s not just nowadays, back when I was in your shoes academics were still extremely important - and I was a first generation university student… so my parents were even less understanding. They just expected me to have things, and of course, I paid rent at home while in university and eventually I got tired of their bs and just moved out. I was paying anyways, but they told lies to try to keep me there.
@batgirl1234
You're right. But it's sad to lose everything over educational success... As Idk what to do or how to balance them and am still hoping things change💔