This isolation will eventually kill me
I've lived my whole childhood, adolescence, and current life alone. I don't mean having a few friends or getting rejected, i mean no friends at all, and almost never talking to anyone to even get rejected, let alone accepted. This is my oldest problem, and the source of every struggle I've ever been through. I briefly had a group of friends at some point, like any normal person, until I unsurprisingly lost them.
Not to mention all of those electroshock "therapy" sessions I had to take, which wiped my memories and made me lose my *** identity. Every time I look at my messages with those old friends, I can't believe they were sent by me, I used to be so fun unlike this empty piece of *** I call myself. I lost the one thing that could've made it easier for me to get along with people. I've tried just "being myself" with others and i always ended up feeling like a *** embarrassment.
It feels like I'll have to stay like this forever, i know it doesn't have to be like that, but it's hard to keep a good mindset when I've been "living" through this *** for as long as I can remember. I'm not even suicidal (surprise surprise) but I find myself constantly wishing this all would end. My head never stops replaying my regrets and humiliating me with reminders of how much of a pathetic sack of *** I am.
And it hurts when I hear someone say "I hate people so much, I wish I was alone!" give my life a *** shot then. Try living with these feelings for a while and see if you really think you're better off without people.
@AngelesCrestHighway
I can hear the pain behind every word you've written.
I'm so sorry that this is your reality.
And you are right, unless someone lives this reality, they won't understand it.
So many people are here in the forums, popping in and out and when you want to just pass the time chatting, you'll be welcome 🩷
@AngelesCrestHighway human are very social but at some point the worst is losing yourself, please do not blame you, you can go to events you like meet one person , or more have fun instead of focusing on those issues, if you feel you're stuck please write about it in your personal book , do not use social media a lot , it's better to try than just nothing and be sad.
When I first read this I left because I can’t understand how you feel to have gone through electric shock therapy, however I do know how you feel in regards to social isolation. I’m struggling too. It’s like I want to be around a lot of people but at the same time people let me down so bad that I feel like I shouldn’t even be alive and I hate my life, but what’s been helping me is reading the Bible. You may not be religious but there are a lot of scriptures that are reassuring and I use them to help me with coping through very depressed emotions. I do believe in God because I believe in love and a second chance to live so reading the text helps me to soothe myself.
I also really love 7 cups because I can vent on here and talk to people, it’s better than relying on Chat GPT or feeling like I’m just going to overwhelm people close to me. It’s hard building my relationships and they can take years to truly form but I want you to know that someone cares about you.
I don’t know if you ever considered gardening but I enjoy talking to my plants and animals help with feeling positive too. I have animals that I hug on very lonely days because they help me with having hope.
@AngelesCrestHighway
Isolation is always a difficult obstacle to overcome when humans were biologically wired to tend to these social needs. Your frustration is absolutely valid and it makes sense that you feel so let down by not only your situation, but of yourself as well. Honestly, I think isolation just occurs because the main problem are other people and not you, since I feel like its just harder to connect with other people if you don't fit a certain image. Nonetheless, I hope that these support groups give you some sort of comfort, because you undoubtedly deserve to be surrounded by people who are actually willing to stay and support you. Trials given in life are most of the time never asked, but I'm sure by the end of this struggle of isolation, the reward of being part of a community and feeling seen and heard will come to light! Continue to voice your struggles, hopefully the advice and replies you see here will keep you going for one more day!
