Venting about..life

I'm so tired of explaining. Tired of caring. I still don't why everyone's words keep getting in my head. I want to move at my own pace but no one will let me. Everyone thinks they can decide for me what I'd important and what is not. I hate it. I hate it. Since I was young my parents have always labeled me as the "lazy girl" yeah right the lazy girl who had to get out of their depression on her own, who had tp get out of a toxic relationship and build good friendships and self love all over. The girl who managed to get above average grades even when going thru ***. I know I work hard. Maybe I don't toil for hours at a stretch but I still build consistent self love, I had to heal myself and I still managed to study. And when I had to let go of all toxic coping mechanisms, the least toxic of them I had left was TV. It's still being hard to let go. But no one ever seems to understand. Whether I take time tp eat or watch tv for a few hours during my VACATIONS or I don't study "enohgh" it's always something I HAVE to get better at and improve even if it's something so little. With the weight of healing off my shoulders, I feel the weight of the world on mine. Learning to be an adult is scary as it is, without believing what everyone says my whole life. Yes, I probably don't study as much as others but that doesn't mean that I deserve to be criticized for studying a little less. Well, my teachers certainly don't seem to think I'm not as "hardworking" or "dedicated" as the rest of my classmates. It's so hard, teenagehood, as it is, without adults blowing down on our necks. Even my therapist out of nowhere began discussing how "hard" I need to work or where I'm headed in the future whereas that never was any of y therapy goals and I fet so uncomfortable discussing it I care about discussing my emotions and my relationship with myself and others, not talk about my academics right in the middle of therapy. And I'm trying so hard to research and meet and plan all my university goals. My parents aren't helping me at all so I wonder why they're talking about my "future". Why is humanity such that only professional things can be pictured as true success and happiness. Why is everyone so oriented towards work and why do they force everyone to care as much as they do, even when we're trying our best. I was crying while typing this and yeah..I guess my venting is done..but now it's started to get in my head that I'm not "hardworking" enough and it really suvks.