When the good become broken

I've always been the type of person that trys in the relationships ( romantic or plotonic) im in

I try to activly lissen

I try to activly care about things the other person cares about, even if I dont actuly care

I try to actvly be there for in all ways

I try and try and try

and I do and do and do

and now im so tiered

Im tired of putting forth so much effert on people that dont put effort on me

I've recintly decided to stop trying

If it doesnt come nature to me or feel right i wont do it

in prectice what that looks like is im done acting like I care, im done being there 

Over all im just done

Im just done being there for people that refuse to be there for me

In practice that means im alone 99% of the time

Over the years I've become so cofterble in my solitude that I seek it out more then ever

All of this is not to say I dont put forth effort in reationships now

it is to say in astablished reationships I make sure im not the only one putting in effort

in new ones I make sure its astablished that we are on a two way street 

I will say at times I morn for the old me

I morn the way she veiwed life, all the time, money and effort she waisted

I morn her childlike belifes that I try to hold on to so dearly

I morn that although I desperaly tryed to not let it, life fourced her to change the way she viewed life

I morn for her becouse she was all good and she was treated all not so good

I sometimes wish I was still her 

I hope I can restablish part of her