Wishing bad
I wanna wish well on everyone even the ones who I f-ing hate but the longer I live the more I understand I am just human, I am petty, and I can wish bad and will want to wish bad on some people.
Overall, I am already pretty “good” on my personal view. I try to accommodate people. I understand that sometimes things just happen and people can make mistakes/just make bad choices in the moment - we are all just human - so I don’t ever spoke ill to people. But not everyone is the same as me, so Lord I am sorry but I will wish bad on some people and I wish very bad thing or things to happen to them. Please forgive me Lord, but my heart cannot be pure and good to those I feel are a-holes. I know my heart has bad and I hold on to this bad. I wish to stop thinking of such things as I wish to no longer give power to such a-holes and my bad thoughts. I feel very vulnerable. I understood it is okay to feel all the things I am feeling and to hate but I must not hold on to them so Lord help me to let go. I want to hold only your light in my heart and wish you will envelope me in your light. Amen.
I feel you. Multiple people and the list grows. Starts off with petty things and then worse. But indifference and walking away, is the worst punishment to them. Trust me, I’ve used it. And as much, I as I wish I could have told them off with much vitriol. You’ll find greater satisfaction, in never seeing them again nor having any tie to them
Thanks. Walking away is the ideal solution. Less to no drama and working on letting go to reach peace sooner. I just have this internal wire to do a lot of self blaming but I like to remind myself my behavior show a lot of who I am and their behavior is theirs.
@Mdreaming101
I think I get it. People can be really frustrating, and it's beyond my imagination why so many do horrible things without caring who they hurt. I do accept that many of those who've been hurt or neglected (including neglect of childhood needs or decent upbringing), but even then, it can feel impossible to avoid harsh judgment towards them.
I'm glad that you understand that it's okay to feel the things that you are feeling. Yet I would invite you to consider that feelings and the brain’s interpretation of them are two different things. For example, someone offends you, and you feel a strong negative emotion. The brain may interpret the motion as "I want something bad to happen to that person," however the emotion itself does not include anything more than the feeling of anger or frustration. I think the logic of wishing harm has to do with the perception that if the other person is hurt, there's a chance they won't try to hurt you again.
Anyway, wishing harm is a very typical response, one that is conditioned into thoughts from earliest memory. Because it's essentially "automatic," I don't think it's anything to feel ashamed of or guilty about. The good news is, we are able to change our "automatic" reactions to the bad behavior of others.
With time and effort, it is possible to reprogram our "automatic" reactions so that we no longer wish harm to a-holes. It's a very worthwhile pursuit because as we evolve to no longer react with anger and harm wishing, inevitably, we begin reacting to our own mistakes with greater self compassion. Greater self compassion facilitates increased confidence, which in turn reduces the number of future mistakes.
It really is quite a trick to maintaining a pure and good heart while allowing a-holes to be who they are. Who knows, maybe they exist in order to challenge our commitment to maintain our own positive intentions.
I think people confuse hatred with revulsion. With revulsion, you simply want the other person to be somewhere else. With hatred, it's a combination of fear, anger and evil intent. It's okay to transition the emotion that has elicited harm wishing into revulsion instead. Ideally, the revulsion is focused on the negative action, rather than the person who committed it.
Finally, keep in mind that you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts can be observed, like passing clouds. Whatever your thoughts are, they do not make you a bad person. Instead, how you act on your thoughts is what matters. Therefore, if someone offends you or hurts you and you ruminate for a while with horrendous thoughts about them, that doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human and in the process of spiritual and emotional growth. You are definitely growing and improving, otherwise you would not have reached out as you have here.
It's often said, "listen to your heart." I have found that "checking in" with my heart multiple times daily, has really helped my thoughts to become more peaceful and compassionate.
Thank you. I feel I do not have the heart to be compassionate to a-holes. Sometimes I am a-holes cause of some of my impulse/mistakes/not my intention which I don’t know why I do them. Because I also make these impulse and mistake i understand when things just happen so I try to accommodate people and I don’t let their behavior get to me. But when it comes to a-holes, I can’t muster the wish well on them. I can only wish the worst on them. Yea maybe their existence is our challenge but I feel the older I grow, the less resilience I am to that belief. I like to tell myself, maybe in someone else story I am the a-hole and in my story, they are the a-hole. I am not perfect. I make mistake and those mistake could *** people off but doesn’t justify their behavior towards me. It’s just that in my story, I can come to accommodated the a-holes cause things do happen in life and mistake happens while in their story, my mistake or things I have done is something that *** then off and they will slash out.
when people wrong me, I usually can forgive and accommodate them but when I make mistake, it’s a different story. I usually just conclude people who can behave this way without remorse or consideration are bad people.
i can’t expect a rhino to not attack me because i am a vegetarian but I still find it hard to stop thinking of their behavior. I am someone who impulsively replay events in my mind again n again n dwell on negative incidents. Idk why I do it. I am trying very hard not to because replaying negative incidents only being me anxiety, guilt, self doubt, and misery.
Thank you for your detail explanation.
@Mdreaming101
I'm so sorry about your feelings 😔
It’s not wrong to feel this way.
Pain changes us, and sometimes it teaches us lessons we couldn’t learn any other way.
We don’t get hurt for nothing — we get hurt so we can see people more clearly and know who deserves a place in our lives.
What you’re feeling is part of the lesson, not a failure of your heart.
Just don’t let the pain harden you; let it make you wiser.
Thank you. Your thoughts are good and think so too, but I am someone who tend to dwell on the negative and the painful. Overtime, I think pain makes me scare. Make me cautious. Instead of growing, I clamp my shell.
@Mdreaming101
I understand you and I truly feel what you’re going through. That’s why we’re here, in our small and safe space—I mean 7 Cups. We listen to each other, talk things through, and let out what’s in our hearts and chests, and whatever is bothering our thoughts, out loud.
Sometimes I feel that simply speaking out loud, and having someone discuss what I’ve said with me, is like someone turning on a small light—showing me that there’s a way out here, and another one there too. And the person who speaks out loud often ends up reflecting on themselves again after the conversation
I sincerely wish your heart peace, comfort, and ease🙏
@Mdreaming101
I hope you continue to talk and express yourself as much as you can, no matter what. We’re here around you—remember that🙂