You’re not Lazy, You’re Depressed

For a long time I was very hard on myself for not having the conviction to accomplish goals I set for myself, it wasn’t that I didn’t want to do these things, I really did. But for some unexplainable reason I couldn’t muster the motivation or strength to actually do them, I would spend all day worrying about it but whenever I actually tried to do it seemed like my brain just wouldn’t cooperate with me. It got to a point where even the most basic tasks felt though I was climbing a mountain, even brushing my teeth in the morning felt like a huge undertaking. I thought I was lazy, irresponsible and childish, I used to hate myself for this. I felt helpless because I was legitimately my own worst enemy, nobody else was doing this to me I was doing this to myself.

I spent years living like that, until one day im officially diagnosed with depression after going to the Doctor trying to figure out why my sleep patterns were out of whack. Then all of a sudden everything I went through began to make sense. I had no idea how insidious and destructive depression was, I always assumed depression was always associated with intense feelings of sadness or suicidal thoughts, so it never occurred to me that I might have it. But I was dead wrong, its one of the toughest illnesses Ive ever had to fight, sometimes I wish it was something physical so I could just have it ripped out because it is actively destroying my life.

Just want to remind people that depression comes in many forms, sometimes internal hatred or the inability to meet expectations is a result of deeper mental health issue you can be dealing with. You might not even be aware that you have it, so try to be conscientious of that