rant
So my mom was going through my tabs and search history like 2 weeks ago, and she saw stuff about anxiety attacks and social anxiety and stuff. It was kinda stupid to leave those tabs open, and by the time I remembered it was kinda too late. I knew she saw it, then I started to lowk panic cause I knew she would bring it up. Which she did, and she asked me how I was doing and how was feeling. I dismissed most of her questions with a shrug, and she knew I wasn't being honest. But I really didn't want to tell her how I felt because I didn't even know myself, I feel nothing and everything but I'm not sad, because why would I be sad, my life doesn't suck, not that much anyway, and then I would have to explain everything to her, and I didn't want her to worry about me or pity me or ask me so many questions. Like I want to be acknowledged but at the same time I want to be left alone, and idk its just confusing
@bobaTeaa1234
Hi, so, I’ll give my take on this.
I don’t think it’s ok that your mom checked your tabs on your computer. A little privacy is ok.
However, since you left them open, perhaps this was one way of communicating with her, since verbal communication is maybe difficult with your mom right now.
I’m glad you have a concerned parent who actually cares about you.
I wonder if you can reassure her in some way, since you already know she knows.
Maybe there is a slight chance she might have some ideas that might help?
Maybe not.
It’s confusing when someone cares about you, and it’s something you haven’t quite figured out yet yourself.
But isn’t that one of the reasons mums exist on this world? To talk things out? Figure some things out together?
@bobaTeaa1234 It makes sense that you felt panicked when your mom saw your tabs. Having someone suddenly notice something so personal can feel really overwhelming. You’re not “stupid” for leaving them open; it sounds like you’ve been trying to make sense of your own feelings, and sometimes it’s hard to keep track of everything when you’re already dealing with a lot inside.
It also sounds really confusing to feel “nothing and everything” at the same time. That doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you; it just means you’re sorting through emotions that are really complex.
It’s okay if you didn’t know how to explain things in the moment. You don’t have to have everything figured out before you talk about it. And it’s also okay to set boundaries with your mom if you need time to understand your own feelings first. Maybe sharing just a little at a time, or letting her know you’re still trying to sort things out, could take some pressure off.
You’re not alone in feeling this way, and it’s completely valid to feel confused. Reaching out, even in small ways, is already a big step.
