Grudges: When is it time to let go of a grudge?
A grudge is "a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury." Often we hold on to negative feelings or beliefs about people or specific situations because they caused us pain. Reflecting on these grudges & possibly opening ourselves up to release them can be helpful.
In this thread, share your stories about holding grudges. What have you learned? Have you let go of a grudge? What did that feel like?
General thoughts about grudges are also welcome!
A grudge is never a good thing to hold on to. Talk through things and get over the grudge
I think it takes a lot to let go of a grudge. I still have one grudge that I can't seem to let go of and it's been a year. I think it takes time, and you have to understand why you're holding the grudge and what about the person or action upsets you so much. Mine was being used by a friend in the worst way possible. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forgive her sans an apology. You just have to do what feels right for you.
I think holding a grudge really depends on the situation and the emotional maturity of both parties. The longest grudge I've held was 11 years because of the severity of the incident and how old I was when it occurred. In hindsight it would have been a lot easier to forgive, but never forget. I've come to realize that forgiving someone doesn't mean that your letting the person off the hook for whatever they have done, but you are letting yourself off the hook for what they had done. It also doesn't mean let your guards down around that individual. It just allows you to find peace within yourself.
Its time to let go of a grudge when its driving you crazy..and your ready to move on..
How do you not hold a grudge? When somebody betrays you to a level of no return, how do you let that go? I come from a long line of family members that make a history of holding grudges, how do I move past that? Maybe I hold too much anger inside, and that's where my grudges are fueled. I find it very hard to let things go and even though I have worked very hard on that, I have not made progression. At this point I'm no so sure I should put anymore effort into fixing this, especially if this is the person I'm obviously suppose to be... A angry, grudge holding anxiety case.
Suck it up and get over it ASAP. I live by this!
@travelqueen93
sounds a lot like my 10 year long "robot" version...
"if you hide the feelings good enough, not even you can feel them (for now)
One of the hardest things to learn/practice/implement! I think forgiveness is something you work through and carry with you. Recognizing that by holding ill will towards the person who harmed you, you are only hurting yourself because your capacity to feelpeace or happiness is strained. I think you just have to remind yourself you are healing every day from past grievances.
Forgiveness is really about meeting your needs, not the other person.
When people betray our boundaries and trust to a level that any kind of contact becomes impossible, accept this and realize you don't have to be nice to them or pretend, something really has been violated.
This is a helpful video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_-X_Hv6xD4
@blueTown8541 It was such a well-written response! I wasn't able to watch the video through the link, would you write the name of the video?
@fairmindedOak7282
it's called "Why Forgiveness Is the Most Selfish Act"
its on youtube
You should never hold onto a grudge if you can help it. You don't need to be super friendly with the person that hurt you but you should not go out of your way to hurt them or make them feel bad.
I always used to hold grudges. That was until one night that I discovered harmony. It's a long winded story but it helped me and taught me a lot.
Context:
I always used to suffer from nightmares that I couldnt escape, when I woke I would be fine but when it was time to go to sleep I refused as my nightmares were linear, the flowed on from the previous.
I suffer from anxiety and because of this, I felt that the world was against me. I felt that if there were a God then he had surely abandoned me.
One night before sleeping I prayed one last time, I wanted to really see if I had been abandoned on my journey through life.
The main event:
I fell asleep and was greeted to a simple dream. Me and two friends were going to travel to a city to buy something. We suddenly ended up in a maze full of doors. I turned around to find that my friends were gone ( I felt abandoned ), I later had to fight a strange creature. (This dream was lucid to an extent, I had my own thoughts but I couldnt control the world around me) upon fighting this creature I ended up in the dark where the doors had gone but only blood splatters remained.
I heard a voice that said "I will now whipe the walls clean" which seemed odd to me at the time. I was reunited with my friends and they escaped, but I heard the voice say "you must stay and move on to the next room", this room was unseen and you could only go through a giant tear in the wall that had the number 17 scratched into it (again this made no sense).
So instead I just thought, "why not just wake up?", so I tried and I heard the voice ask where I was going. I awoke but found myself paralyzed whilst still hearing the sounds from the dream. It explained that I was to go into the next room and answer trivia on my least favourite subject, History, whom I held a grudge with one of my teachers. I eventually regained control of my body and instantly wrote down my experiences (hence why I remember small details)
I felt afraid but then I remembered that I asked for evidence that I had not been alone. I later thought about it and realised that I should have stayed in the dream. I was being taught to let go, I had felt segregated from my friends and I felt abandoned by God. He was showing me that I should just move on. I remembered the number 17, which I found out was a religious symbol of overcoming an obstacle. The next room was about History, and I should have stayed because I would have learnt to let go sooner.
The moral:
After my experience I found out that I'm not alone and that even though it may seem hard, you can overcome any obstacle. Learn to "whipe the walls clean" and let go of any grudges. Find Harmony
I'm still mad at my ex (lived together 5 years) because he quit doing housework after the first half (2.5 years). But I'm madder at me, because I let it go on for so long. What makes it better and easier to let go of, is that we honestly both had organizational challenges, and he didn't know (neither did I) that I have ADHD, which made it torture for me to try to take it all on myself, and still be a loving person in the relationship. So self-responsibility for the part that was my part, and self-understanding/understanding of the other, all help in letting go of the grudge. Some satisfaction and pride in leaving a relationship where i was not heard or respected also helps, as does viewing chores as a treat to myself in self-care. "I am doing this for me and it makes my daily life lovely." I'll know my grudge is really over the day when I catch myself doing a chore like cleaning the bathroom sink, and find myself laughing at how mad I used to get seeing it dirty. Before I had more self-respect. Love and self-knowledge always help heal.
