I don't know what to do
So, like the title says, I honestly don't know what to do in the current situation I'm in
About 5 months ago we moved into my mom's new boyfriend's house (let's call him Daniel for privacy reasons).
Daniel has two kids, a 4 year old (let's call her Freya) and an 8 year old (let's call him Conner).
They love in a small townhouse with 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and a living room/kitchen. They donr have a lot of space and Daniels mother also lives with them.
Me, my older sister, and our mother moved in, and of course we had to move around stuff and people. My mother stays in Daniels room, and me and my older sister moved into Conner and Freya's room.
Conner and Daniels mother now sleep downstairs on the two couches they have while Freya shares the room with me and my sister.
I just had a conversation with Freya, and you know how honest kids are at times. She's mentioned this before, but she says that the bed used to be hers, the closet used to be theirs, and that the room is her and Conners.
She's absolutely right of course, so I asked her a question and she honestly answered. I asked her if she disliked us living here, and she said yes. She said she wanted us to go back to our step-fathers house and that she wants her and Conners room back.
I was already feeling guilty about taking their room when we first moved in, but now I absolutely despise and hate myself for it. But we can't just simply move into our step dad's place. He's already living with 9 people in his house, and I really have nowhere else to go.
I...don't know what to do. I want to move out but I have a leopard gecko here, and my mother helps me cope with my bipolar and anxiety, but being here just makes me hate myself more.
Please offer suggestions and ideas as to what I should do, and thank you for taking the time to read this.
@dorkydorkxX this must be so difficult for you, I can understand how it must make you feel. However you must understand that it's not your fault and you shouldn't feel guilty for a thing that you didn't do. Also you asked for an advice, sorry I can't give you, but I just have one question did you try making friends with connor and Fyer?
I did. Both Freya and Conner are really sweet and enjoy me and my sisters company, especially Conner. I'm not exactly sure how Freya feels about us though.
@dorkydorkxX
Hi, that certainly looks like a difficult situation for you. Having a feeling of being unwanted by someone can be difficult to deal with for anyone. Some of the options which I can think are
You can have an open conversation with your mom about your concerns & ask her how can she help you get over this feeling. Ask her whether it is possible to shift to a new place in coming days where you will have your own room. I feel talking about your concerns to your mom can definitely open up few options for you.
If needed you can also think about talking to Daniel (may not be complaining) but you can put up your concerns & see if he has anything in his mind to help you feel better.
As you said Freya is just 4 years, so I feel you are right that kids are innocent & they speak truth, but at the same time I feel whatever Freya said can be initial reaction for anyone at her place. and also she may start liking you in very short span of time & you two may share wonderful bond & she will then love to share room with you. So even though her initial reaction is not pleasant but children are so innocent they may change their point of view very soon & I think freya will start loving you soon so as you.
So I think you can allow yourself some time to adjust to the new enviornment, also having a direct conversation with your mom & daniel can be some options for you at the moment. These are all my suggestions & you may choose not to follow any of them.
I hope things get better for you soon. Take care.
Thank you so much. This has certainly made me feel better.
@dorkydorkxX- First - you should be commended for reaching out with your problems. Let go of the guilt related to moving in with your mother's choice. Perhaps there might be some way that Freya can at least get her own bed back- have you talked to your mother about this? And set aside space in the bedroom designated for each of the three of you. 4 year old children are self centered at that age, and dont want to share. It is normal for that age. Please take care.
sorry youre going through that… yes kids can really be honest without malice or ill intentions. They just are. How old are you and how long do you intend to stay there. Youre going through change right now and adjusting is really tough. Maybe to make you feel less guilty and more empowered, you can volunteer to help around the house…
it sounds like it may not be a sustainable set up living there with Daniels and his family. At some point you will have to figure a way. For now keep communication lines open with members of your family, also journal if and when you feel overwhelmed. Just live one day at a time and trust the process. Keep well!