I'm just in so much pain right now(TW)
I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right area, but I just really need too get this off my chest. It's been nearly a year now since this was said too much, but it still replays in my mind over, and over again. Things are pretty bad right now, so it's happening a lot.
Around a year back, I admitted myself too the mental hospital, and was there for a few days. I thought I was doing so much better because I was able too gather the strength too do that. It was a really scary experience, but I did it anyway which I'm still proud of myself for. However, that quickly changed after I got out.
I wanna say it was the day after, or many the week after, but my mom, and my sister(the two people I trust the most) told me that their shocked I've made it this far, as in they thought I wouldn't be here anymore. It was really painful too hear that, and I tried to laugh it off, but then my sister said it again, and still does too this day. I know she doesn't truly mean any harm by it, but hurts.
I've worked so hard too even still be here, and it feels like all my hard work means nothing to them. The same time last year, a few months after I was out of the hospital, I made an attempt. It was something I kept too myself for many months, but when I spoke up about it, my sister told me that it was a long time coming, and was sure too happen anyway.
I just really hurt right now. My sister has always been my biggest supporter, so it hurts so badly too hear her say these things. I've talked with her about it, but she still says it sometimes. I don't know, I just wanna get this out there so I don't go crazy. I hope everyone is doing well today ♡
@bubblewumble
Wow
I can say that maybe your sister and mom could use some help to know that is not what to say to anyone let alone someone struggling with their mental health. it is not you ... you are strong to seek help and to want to work on yourself... perhaps you should now work on finding other support as this shows those you thought were in your corner simply are showing their true self saying things like this.
@toughTiger6481
Thank you for replying, I greatly appreciate it. It's all so strange as they've both struggled a lot with their own mental health issues, so they understand what it's like. I can't wrap my mind around why they'd think that it was okay too say something so cruel.
It truly does suck. Me and my mom have had a very rocky relationship on, and off throughout the years since I was little, so while I'm shocked she said something like that, she has a habit of saying some very insensitive things, and not taking things seriously.
My sister is similar, but I'm the older sibling which I guess makes me feel like a parent too her. This admittedly makes it harder for me too hold her accountable. We're very close, and only had each other growing up. Despite everything, she'll always be my little girl, which makes all of this hurt so much more.
This isn't the first time they've said things along those lines, along with many other insensitive thing's. I know I haven't been the best sister or daughter all of the time, but I am trying, and I like too think I'm doing better.
I'm trying too keep my head up, but I'd be lying if I said what they said doesn't hurt. I'm sorry this is so long, I just kinda feel like I'm losing my mind right now. Thank you once again for taking the time out of your day to reply too this, and for your kind words. I hope today is going well for you ♡
@bubblewumble I think you should sit your mother and sister down and speak with them. just let them know how you appreciate what they have been doing to support you but speaking about how their surprised your still around hurts. I think this might be their way of showing appreciation towards you and your efforts, but the way its being presented is maybe not the best. if they are your biggest supporters, your biggest fans then I know for a fact that they care about you, they love you, and are still rooting for you as we speak. things just need a little bit of a change and that's okay. don't be afraid to take action. failing once is better than never trying at all :)
as for admitting yourself to the mental hospital that is something incredibly rare and admirable. I'm 17, and I recently had to go to my parents and basically ask to be medicated for anxiety and depression and honestly that was really scary. but admitting yourself to a hospital? that takes guts man. that really is something you should continue to take pride in!.
I believe in you, each and every one of us is here to support your journey!
