Obsessive Hating
Recently, I came across a post online, and I'd wanna start a discussion on that, but prior to that, I'd like to ask you guys questions and understand your perspectives.
What is your stance on people who hate obsessively?
Are you one of them?
Have you ever come across people like that?
Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences, this is a safe space, and all opinions, experiences, and thoughts are welcome!
Let's have a meaningful discussion about this!
@Endora
I think that - in particular when we forget about the word "obsessive" for a moment - the answer to your question might be complex and multi-layered.
First thing which comes to my mind is: hatred is the biggest sickness of humanity. We are all leaves of the same tree, so why hate each other? Also, is my hatred more harmful to the person I hate, or to myself? Therefore I think it is a kind of convenience and self-care when you do your best to not hate.
Hate can be many feelings in disguise. It can help us better define our views or attitudes, or our type of personality. For example, when I hate if somebody is too concerned about money and greed, I define myself as a person with disregard for money and low opinions of any rich lifestyle.
But it can also be jealousness, like hating when people go for their vacations abroad while you could never afford to see Venice or Scotland.
I am afraid it is quite common with hatred being the equivalent of fear (e.g. of people of different religion), confusion (about somebody's different lifestyle), feeling insufficient or rejected.
Many people say they "hate" someone who hurt them in the past. Or their hate is their excuse for not taking any responsibility for their lives or changing.
"I hate something" may mean "I don't feel safe or comfortable with something". For example, I hate it when some guy starts his threads with questions - but apparently never answers these questions himself, never shares his views or experience and never says what made him ask these questions. "I hate it", because I find it controlling and as if making someone looking superior to the others.
When I hate the smell of vinegar, it's kind of a self-defence, because this smell is a torture for me (and the taste is terrible for my stomach).
Hatred can also mean feeling helpless about someone or something, like "I hate when he does that" or "I hate when it snows".
On one hand, when hatred is toward a person and means "wanting someone to burn in he.ll" 😜 - I think it's unhealthy and it may need to be looked at carefully.
On the other hand, when we use the word "hate" to say about our feelings of discomfort, being insecure, confused, or to speak about something that is out of our choice of tastes, preferences and values - it might be difficult to determine who we are without this kind of "hatred".
Last but not least, there are some nice new words like "frenemy". It may reflect the true that we can grow not only thanks to our friends, but also thanks to our "enemies". Do you know a story of Kane and Abel (I mean a novel by Mr Archer)? I think this is where this "frenemy" idea is fabulously depicted.
@jacek73 oh wow you went in deep xD
And yes, I agree with all the things you said (I did a somewhat of an extensive study on it, and found a lot of interesting things)
It's ironic how hatred can seem to have many layers to it, when in reality, all we have to do is strip them off, and it seems so simple.
As for the book, no I haven't read it, but definitely sounds like something I would.
Thank you sooo much for such a valuable insight <3
@Endora i have come across people like that and it led to me losing 99% of my friends and having a very bad mental state but yea
@uraniadepartedswag ah im sorry to hear that, i get where you're coming from, it used to happen with me too until i realised if they were actually my friends, simple things like that wouldnt have made them leave lol, so now whoever decides to do some shi like that, i let them and move on, helps me preserve my mental ;)
@endora
Most haters that I have come across that would fit this description, I think mental state and attitude is a big part of this type of obsessive hate. Many people whom I knew that changed had a change in how they view things.
I also find many lets say on social media or others fan flames of division / dislike and out of hand rabid hate.
@toughTiger6481 ooh that's interesting, do you know what brought about that change?
@Endora
common sense and active listening. In disagreements and situations when people come into with hate... look into their face .....if mad / haters they are thinking want they will say when conversation / argument turns to them ... missing the ability to listen and have any view challenged.
Hate insists you do not think ... because if you see things differently ... hate fades.
@toughTiger6481 ahh i see yeah that makes sense thank you for sharing!
@Endora
I met people in my life who just hate me because I am perfect in my work, whether office or home politics. I do my job with full devotion a d that is the reason that people hate me. I do not have relatives now because one by one they ignored me because I was far better than them, so if you are different people will jealous of you.
@reliablePlum4476
I hope you find your inner peace, to accept yourself as an imperfect person and let other people accept you, despite them being imperfect, too ❤️ 👍
@jacek73 honestly I think it's more about being able to accept ourselves rather than others accept us, because at the end of the day the latter might just lead to disappointment and people pleasing, what I personally believe is be who you are - your vibe will attract your tribe <3
@Endora
So, you decided to live without people? Because they are not perfect? What makes you think you are?
@Endora
Oops, I am sorry, I mistakenly took your words for an answer by reliablePlum4476 💜
@Endora
Honestly, I think most modern psychology is based on Western ideas and Western cult of ego, being the ultimate value. Otherwise than religions of the East, where people have to understand they are a part of something much larger than just "myself", in terms of both nations, populations and generations. The bottom line is we often feel happier not when we boost our egos, but when we are getting free of them. In my opinion a balance is the key 😊
@reliablePlum4476 yeah I'm with you on this, and I think one of the places where their hatred could come from is jealousy, watching you be good at what you do, while perhaps being sub par at best in their own work, not being able to do what is maybe expected of them, leaving them feeling frustrated
@Endora
This is a very interesting question that has got my brain juices flowing.
The short version: I have no idea, and I'd imagine the cause of this could vary from person to person, depending on their history and beliefs etc.
But I will also blah out some of my curious wonderings and hypotheses which could be completely wrong, just for fun. For feelings of hatred in general, the first thing that comes to mind for me is trauma. I wonder if hatred could sometimes be a defense mechanism for deep pain and hurt - hatred might give a (false) sense of power again, after being made to feel powerless by some sort of trauma, and it might allow the person to temporarily escape pain that feels deep, vulnerable, and perhaps overwhelming. I've heard it said before that the intensity of one's defense mechanisms reflects the intensity of the pain hidden behind those defenses.
If this is the case for some, one way to find a sense of power again after trauma could be through taking responsibility for their healing and emotions (even though the trauma isn't their fault). I can imagine that this may feel unfair (which it is really) and also very difficult. Some people may not even be aware that they have this option, or might have no idea how to do it. So hating may be an easier option, or perhaps the only option they see, to put a bandaid over the pain and try and feel a sense of power again. However instead of it being a sense of personal power, it is more a power over others whether expressed internally or externally. It keeps the focus on what the wrongdoer has done to us instead of on healing from the pain, or in some cases it might be blame shifting onto a person/thing/group. This reminds me of some elements of victim mentality e.g. believing there are no options to 'fix' the pain, and hating what is believed to be to blame for this. Which can make sense if a person was actually victimised and experienced that powerlessness, which is just an awful thing to go through.
In saying this, I think that parts of people carrying pain and hatred are in need of compassion, love, and comfort. I don't think it's uncommon for people - even people who typically try to be forgiving - to find that, especially in the early stages after something terrible has happened to them, there might be a hurting part of them hating the cause of their suffering (e.g. someone who has harmed them), even if they're surprised to find it deep in the recesses of their being. It makes sense when the pain is deep. I think the hatred can be an added burden, that if held on to, can keep the person stuck pain instead of being able to heal and move forward. But I don't think it makes a person bad or wrong just for feeling it - especially if they have been through hurt at the hands of another. But is something to be comforted and healed so that they can be freed from what's happened to them, and find health and empowerment again.
What I've written suddenly reminded me of the movie Maleficent - loved it
@SilverWhiteWinters wow that was just so full of insight, not gonna lie it made me think too and you know what, all that does make a lot of sense, i just dont think people realise it or see it, and in moments where you do feel helpless/powerless, while that might not occur to you, just being self aware and letting it go can actually help a lot when it comes to developing those bitter feelings in the first place, right?
And I watched maleficient, I love it as well
I come from a family where men have constantly criticised women. I totally understand what you’re saying. I personally feel they need mental health professional help. There’s something inherently wrong with those who hate with everything they have in their life. If there’s no love there’s fear. I pity those who can’t feel love but only fear.
@gwen03 I recently came across this post the other day which said, "I turn cruel when I'm empty, if i cannot be loved, i must be feared" and ive been thinking about it since
@Endora ,I hope I’m not a bad person, but sometimes I do feel jealous of other people’s success—only because I want that success for myself too. It’s not that I wish anything bad to happen to them, and I would never pray for their failure. I just deeply desire that kind of achievement for myself as well.
@Rajeevbara noo, I don't think you're a bad person for feeling how you feel - it's only natural for us to always want better, to be at the top, and while i dont necessarily think jealousy is a bad thing, unless it starts controlling you, I'd say let it act as the driving force to always strive to be better, and to get to where you want to, and remember, all your feelings are valid, and it's also equally important for us to sometimes take a step back to see and acknowledge where they come from <3
@Endora thank you 😊
@Endora I think hate is wasted energy, but it's also at times a natural emotion that needs an effective outlet. Humans can suck, so we need to be mindful of that, but I think hate is:
Wasted.
Pointless.
Leaves you stuck.
Doesn't allow you move forward.
Blocks healing.
@Endora people constantly bringing it up is untreated and unhealed trauma and sometimes some people don't deserve our forgiveness, that's what's tough.
