Weekly Prompt #19: How does self-esteem impact your daily life?
Hello everyone, I hope everyone is having a good week.
A couple of weeks ago we discussed- How would you describe your emotional landscape today? If you haven't checked yet, please click here to add your thoughts.
This week's prompt is: How does self-esteem impact your daily life? Do you find that having high or low self-esteem affects your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors?
Take a moment to reflect on the complexity and diversity of your emotions, allowing yourself to fully acknowledge and embrace them. Remember, managing your emotions is an ongoing journey, and it's okay to seek support and guidance along the way. Please share and discuss here among us.
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For me, having high self-esteem is critical to my mental health. It’s not like I’ve never had low self-esteem (e.g., after being cheated on, after getting a lower grade than usual, getting criticism in the past at jobs), but those are situational states. I think it’s very helpful in my daily life to know my value. It’s hard to explain, but I feel like even when I was bullied in my earlier schooling, my self -esteem built higher because I had to learn not to care what others thought of me. I had to know how to find happiness while also being in really uncomfortable situations.
What is difficult about having this as my past is, I normally am overly empathetic to everyone, except to those with low self-esteem. I’m not sure why it bothers me when others are in extremely low states like when they say things like they’re ugly or hate themselves. I definitely criticized myself growing up as we all do, especially as women, but I truly can’t wrap my head around self hatred. When people have low self esteem it seems that nothing works getting them out of it and I would really like to know how to help them.
For those with low self-esteem, no judgment, and I ask you all: what would help you in moments of self hatred, specifically what could someone say in those moments to help you? Would it be getting to the root of the problem, talking to friends/family, maybe a coping method? What would you want a therapist to say for instance?
Thank you all.
@TheJenInBlack Great thoughts and insights Jen. thank you for sharing them with us here. <3 It seems this journey has helped you empathize with others going through difficult times, though low self-esteem in others can still be challenging to understand. How do you feel after reflecting on building yourself up over time?
For those experiencing low self-esteem, please know what matters most is that you feel heard and supported. You are not alone in this. We are all here with you.
@asilentobserver so sorry I didn’t see your reply until now! I guess I’m not sure how I feel. I kind of feel like I have this strange bias where I know that my intentions are good, I know things about myself like I don’t like to lie, and I feel I’ve worked really hard for things I’ve achieved. But then I think about people who say they hate themselves and it’s kind of a bias where my mind says, well how am I supposed to change your view of yourself? How would I be able to help someone who can only think of saying they hate how they look, sound, act, etc. I guess it’s just really hard bc I want to know. Because unfortunately, the first thing that comes to my mind whenever someone has that demeanor has been, “if you don’t like yourself then how can I begin to help?”
I hope that doesn’t come off wrong but I’m truly at a loss for the people in my life who have this extreme self-hate, doubt, and lack of self-esteem.
@ASilentObserver
Low self esteem has kept to from making friends, looking for a new job or having any goals. All these things seem out of reach.
@Gettingbettertoday It sounds like low self-esteem has made pursuing goals and new opportunities feel out of reach. How have these feelings impacted you? You must feel discouraged at times. We are all here with you to listen to and support. Getting.
I just had an extreme moment of clarity related to this topic that I wanted to share and that may help others...
I have had a severe amount of betrayal and abandonment in my life, including family. Being alone (I have no family, no spouse, no kids, no friends that I do anything with, only one co-worker, and one fur baby left who is my world). So when these fires hit in Maui, I remembered my 1st fiancee from LONG ago, that last I heard, part of his family was going to move there. I was with him for 10 years so I knew his family pretty well, way back then anyway. So I looked everyone up on *** (mistake #1... your past is your past and leave it there). Then I emailed my ex to see if everyone was ok (mistake #2... refer to mistake #1 and add why does it matter when all I would be able to say is "ok, good" or "I'm so sorry"!?).
He was surprised but cordial, nothing wrong with his reply at all, but he closed all doors to further conversations by the way things were worded in a veiled way (for example, "I hope all is well, take care" and not anything open-ended). Side note, I am the one who ended things and I have ZERO interest in sparking a new relationship as he and I are polar opposites and he has someone he is equally yoked with, so to speak). But I also mentioned in my email to him that "I miss everyone" where this too went unaddressed (mistake #3... be ready for what will feel like more abandonment and lack of any concern for me if you reach back into your past!). The current lack of concern for me in my life, now coupled with this new lack of concern shown hit me HARD! This is acruslly how I came to find 7Cups just 3 days ago because I needed someone, anyone, to be kind and think that some aspect of me has value! Please note, my intentions were pure, but I did have a hope in the back of my mind of it leading to maybe being friends again with him and/or his family because I am without any significant support systems and I am heading into another crisis from being laid off. Anyway...
THIS LEAD ME TO NEW SELF-ESTEEM, CLARITY, AND GROWTH TODAY, 3 DAYS LATER!!!... I was think about it all and realized re: missing all of them, ACTUALLY NO I DON'T!! In fact, far from it as some of the nastiest lack of considerations came from some of them!! So I realized, HUH, I GUESS I THEN MISS BEING A PART OF SOMETHING... AGAIN. ACTUALLY, NO I DON'T!!! I am an introvert and I am just fine being alone provided I have occasional interaction with people who are kind in return!!
***SO THE SELF-ESTEEM TAKE AWAY: PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTEGRITY WILL STILL BE IN YOUR LIFE DESPITE ANY SITUATION AND IT IS BEST TO REMEMBER THAT THEY ARE YOUR PAST FOR A REASON... SO INSTEAD TURN THAT KIND, PURE MOTIVE OF CONCERN AND LOVE BACK TOWARDS YOURSELF WHERE IT BELONGS WHEN GIVEN THE OPTION TO FACE A REPEAT OF THE PAST YOU LEFT FOR A REASON!!!***
Still hurts some, and that was my mistake, but I remembered to 💜 FIND THE LESSON IN THE TEST 💜.
@AzureAura Thank you for sharing your experiences with betrayal and abandonment. It sounds like reaching out to your ex brought up painful memories and feelings of lack of concern from your past. How are you feeling now after your realization?
I'm glad you were able to find some clarity and growth from reflecting on this situation. It can be so healing to recognize the lessons we're meant to learn. You clearly have strength and wisdom within yourself to gain these understandings. You mentioned having integrity - I see that same quality in your ability to turn concern and love inward during times of needing support. You are not alone in this journey of self-discovery.
High self-esteem is important to me because I can thrive in any situation and adapt to my surroundings, I wasn't like this a few years ago due to relationship stressors but now I'm in Coda Meetings once a day to stay on track with my new mindset, .I use to be anxious attachment style but now I'm secure attachment style and this gives me healthy relationships and high self-esteem. I see a therapist once a week as well, I work on DBT at the moment which gives me insight on my shortcomings along my journey
@unassumingCar1350 Thank you for sharing about your journey to high self-esteem and healthy relationships. It sounds like you've come a long way through commitment to personal growth. You are dedicated to continued learning and improvement. What insights have your therapy and CODA meetings provided that have been most impactful for you?
Been living my live with ADHD all my life has impacted my self esteem very much. I'm always trying to keep the pace and fit in with neurotypicals. It's like constantly trying to run a marathon, exhausted but never being able to rest. I wish I liked myself more.
@HappyMeetYou I hear how living with ADHD has impacted your self-esteem and feeling like you need to constantly keep up. It sounds really exhausting to always feel that pressure. You mentioned wishing you liked yourself more - it's understandable to feel that way when facing daily challenges. I believe in your strength and ability to be kind to yourself through it all. What helps you feel most at peace in moments you can rest?
@ASilentObserver Thank you for the kind words<3. I don't even know anymore, used to be yoga, meditation, skateboarding, friends. But i'm just to exhausted to do anything anymore. But i will find my way again sometime again in the future.
@HappyMeetYou It sounds like you're feeling exhausted and having a difficult time finding activities that bring you joy lately. You've overcome challenges before and found ways to recharge. I believe in you that you'll rediscover your strength in time. You don't have to face this alone. We are all here with you.
@ASilentObserver today I woke up happy as usual I had a great morning ❤and did some art😁 I'm making xmas stuf. But then the pain started getting worse, and my mood sinked. So I came on here to relax a bit. That always cheers me up. But I got yelled at by a drunk venting person. Then told to f off by someone else a bit later 😢now I just want to cry
so my emotional rollercoaster today was happy and content, then got down, then got me upset so I think I'm just gonna call it a night
@Tinywhisper11 I am sorry to hear your emotional rollercoaster took some difficult turns today. It sounds like you started your day feeling happy and creative while working on your art and Christmas projects. Then the pain increased and brought your mood down. Dealing with pain can be so challenging. What was it like for you when others were unkind in your moments of feeling low?