A year already.

TW // *** & SA

December 15th, It's almost been a year since I was raped when I was 15. I wanna say that I've gotten better but as the date gets closer and closer I feel all the emotions again, the nightmares, his touch. It's all coming back and I would be lying If I said I wasn't frustrated, unfortunately I'm not frustrated at him, I'm frustrated with myself. I know It was not my fault, but I can't help but blame myself, I froze and everyone tells me it's a normal human reaction, but still. I knew what was happening, I didn't want it to happen but It did, and I still feel like I did nothing. 

I'm getting the overwhelming guilt all over again, that he didn't get caught, he ended up changing school and the school couldn't do anything. It's been a year and I can't help but feel he didn't stop doing this to girls and this has happened to other girls, i can't help but feel like I made that happen.

I'm crying as I write this but I don't know what else to say, this was just a rant.