Childhood internet access ruined me

*Potential trigger, no graphic details given*

I am just now coming to terms with how much my unsupervised internet access has shaped my brain development. I was online from the age of 11 in the early 2000s, when there was almost no regulation and I could visit any website I wanted. I viewed horrific materials more often than I can remember, but not because I wanted to, but because I had (still have) a high sense of morbid curiousity. I would look at every extremely taboo thing I could because I knew it was wrong. This leached into my adult years and I still occasionally looked up things (not illegal, I knew where to stop) that are extremely graphic. The majority of society would view me as disgusting and evil for looking at these materials, and even though I found it disgusting myself, I would still watch. Not often, but even once in a while was enough. I am going through some relationship issues due to me pulling back from intimacy and forcing my partner to find affection somewhere else, which I regret. I identify as asexual, but I was doing sexual things online which is hard for my partner to understand. Then there's the hiding and lying about what I was doing online. The shame I felt made it nearly impossible to say what I did or was doing. Now, because of this, my partner no longer feels they can trust me. They looked through my phone and accounts to find some of what I was doing, I eventually admitted to some other things. I don't hold that against them, it obviously got to a boiling point. I was living in my own world where I felt what I did wasn't a problem, but after being faced with the reality of my hidden online activities coming to light, I have realized how wrong it was and have no desire to engage in that behaviour again. It's been 6 months since I was confronted and I haven't had an urge or thought about it. I still try to defend myself though, telling them that as messed up as it is, what I did was abnormal, normal behaviour. People have a scary desire to view obscene and graphic matierls. That's not an excuse though, just a reasoning. My partner wants me to seek therapy for this, and I am resistant. I feel as though I am a different person now than I was before and them confronting me has rewired my brain. Just the thought of doing what I was doing before makes me feel sick. I think short-term therapy may be beneficial, but I don't know how to accept it fully. I never thought about any of this in my daily life or questioned whether or not I had a serious problem, but with therapy being mentioned, I am beginning to think; "what if I am a monster?". My partner is so unsure that they have thoughts about me taking my internet usage into the real world and hurting someone.. which I have never done nor would ever do. I feel like therapy we could both attend would be the most helpful.

Has any other millenials struggled with how their childhood internet access has affected their adult life?