Milestones or Steps Completed! Share and Celebrate Here :)

Self harm doesn't solve anything but that doesn't mean you won't miss it. Continue staying strong no matter if its been minutes, days, weeks, months, even years it won't be worth going back to.

loving yourself is hard

Living. What does it take to consider yourself alive to consider that you are living? Is breathing enough? Is a functional heart enough? No its not its takes a lot for me to feel alive. I need pain sometimes to remind myself that hey you're still alive, you can still feel. I underwent suicidal once with a blade in my wrist theres blood and I know I'm still alive, I felt it but nobody knows what I did because they wont understand. I tried wounding myself next was my fist and knuckles until they bled, but then I moved on and stopped I've just been punching walls this time until my knuckles turn red. Why I'monly wounding my hands? Its because its a sinner it made me sin. It made me feel disgusted and guilty.

Because of the monsters in my past I have become like this. Dirty. Disgusted by myself. I become someone I didn't want to be. Someone I want to erase and to forgot. Someone who have to rely to someone other than my family because it was them who exploited me, other than my friends who only knows pity and always asking how did you let that happen to you? As if I wanted it to happen, as if it was all my fault. Making me more vulnerable to what I was really am. So I started to keep secrets, absorbing every single moment where others wont understand, when I'm all alone and havingepisodic attacks of the past.

Who was there to support me no one but strangers from sites like this that's why I'm thankful because somehow it made me release things. It made me cope up with life especially those times when they all started going back, those monsters that altered my being. That altered my life. I have a lot to learn, yes I forgave them or so I thought but I will never forget what they did. Its part of what I am now, its what's behind the beautiful facade I made to others.

This is me tainted. This is me looking for salvation. And this is me wishing to be set free from what had bounded me since that day.

Last month I was I was tired of sweeping things under the rug and acting like everything's OK. So I reached out to a former co-worker (who's also a friend) and opened up about how I was feeling. That was super hard for me, but it felt good afterwards. I've learned that true friends will stick by your side no matter how bad you're feeling. I'm glad that I took the chance and put myself out there. It's good to know that I have someone that cares about me and wants to help guide me through life.

I have learned that what I am asking from my partner is valid and realistic.

Reached step 10, I guess that's another step on my journey to healing.

I've finally realised that I can't create a perfect world, and that the past cannot change, but that all I need to work on is moving forward and finding happiness again.

I'm learning to not let people hold you back from your happiness. I know it's a tough thing to do.

I realized something. No matter how much I want to be happy. I'm not gonna be if I'm not legitimately putting forth an effort. Happiness isn't going to happen if you don't open your heart to let it in.

Guess, can I say that I've learned that It's ok to be sad sometimes.