Good moments 🌈

21st june (saturday): ooh wow, i have had lots of good moments today. yes, i did wake up after not a lot of sleep and was tired, but still doing unexpectely better with a lot of things.

i woke up at 8 am and by 9:45 am i was all done with breakfast and making my bed, taking my meds and all of that. I'm proud of myself for finished eating fast and getting stuff done despite being tired. and i managed to get started with homework by 10:30 am which is very early and really great. it was hard to work and it didn't continue through the day, but i'm really glad that i could start early.

for a while this morning, i felt really tired and sleepy. but i did strech and move around a bit and it helped and i could get some stuff done. and i felt really very calm for a while and it was all so pleasant and beautiful. the cool weather, the rain, the bits of sun, all beautiful and pleasant.

 i showered and got ready by 1 pm and then had lunch all done by 2 pm, which is very early for a day i've been home. i'm proud of myself though for doing stuff fast even on less than 6 hours of sleep.

i fell asleep for a bit in the afternoon, but felt better afterwards. and spent time in the balcony and it was great in the sun and the raindrops on the leaves and taking pics. and for bits today it was raining hard while the sun was still shining brightly. haven't seen a rainbow, but there could have been one, just that i didn't see it.

towards the evening, my mood was sadly coming down, but i was able to talk to someone a bit, which helped because lately i haven't been feeling like talking to people much. and then dinner went so well lol my father sat without his phone and it was great, we even talked a bit when i decided to casually ask him something. and it was weird but good. and i felt a lot better afterwards. it's just good to have him talk again, funny how i let him talk to me again, but yeah, i'm just like that. anyway,  i even shared something that made my mother laugh and then my father asked what happened and then i told him and he laughed too. not sure if anyone here will find it funny, but in school a teacher once wrote "on behalf of 21st june" like 21st june is a person! lol.

overall been better than expected for a day after being up till 2 am. and i do have more smaller good moments, but no more time. oh, and my teeth have been hurting a littles less intensely today, which is good.

22nd june (sunday): i dont recall anything, it was a miserable day.

23rd june (monday): a good few miracles happened but i'm too tired to type. i do have stuff to say and will do it tomorrow if possible. 

hey. so i have missed a whole lot of posting, life has been real hard and i've pretty much not been opening this thread and haven't been around on cups much lately. but i realised that i really must write down some good stuff because life is totally destroying me. so yeah, here i an today.

30th june (monday): i've had one of the worst days of my life today, but here's some good stuff i can find. i somehow got to the bus on time despite being sleepy and stuff. and my hair has been good today. in the first period in school, i did manage to stay fairly awake and finish classwork in class.

then after breakfast i did feel a lot more awake. got through physics class fine and got away without submitting my notebook, french was a free period where i could do my work, and in chemistry the teacher taught us some stuff to make the subject easier for those of us who struggle with it.

i have been humiliated in front on the whole class (by a teacher), laughed at by the whole class and stolen from today in school. it has been killing me. but somehow right now i'm trying to comfort myself because i have lots of years of experience at this point with being humiliated by teachers and although it hurts like h3ll, it doesn't cause so much pain forever. and about the stealing, hopefully teachers will understand and check the cctv footage. but the laughing part is a new experience and it sucks.

back home, i did tell my mother about stuff that happened and she gave me advice on what to do about it, how to respond if the teacher humiliates me again, and how to prevent my books from getting stolen. does help a bit.

and then some stuff happened at home at my mother's so mad at me, not helping with hw and hardly talking. and somehow she decided to give me the anxiolytic and it made me feel super calm for a while and okay with everything, which is good. feeling calm helps a lot. and before it worked, i did get my rage out and that helped. also, my mother has thankfully not taken the laptop away today (she took my phone), because it's saved my life. and being able to talk to my friend for a bit helped to be honest.

and the early dinner was of a lot of help, i was done eating by 8:30 pm and after that could do some stuff. tidied my room after a good few days and it's good to have a tidy room, and did a little bit of physics that i needed to do at home and i can try the rest in school when i get time. so yeah, glad to have tidied my room and books and stuff, have done at least a little something, and be getting ready for bed at 11:38 pm, which is realitvely early. really gotta sleep more, i'm exhausted. can't believe i got through such a miserable day without hurting myself and even wrote so much here lol.

1st july (tuesday): today has been a pretty good day somehow. rain in the morning and having to share my umbrella with an 8th grader while i walked from the bus to inside the school building, and she was really sweet to me.

my class teacher sounds really responsible, be remembered this morning about my stolen notebook and asked about it and said he would check the cctv footage, and he actually did check it and found out who stole my book. and yeah, i did get my book back thanks to me being observant and noticing the missing book and reporting it despite questioning myself. i am so glad that i spoke up about it, and that my class teacher believed me and checked the footage. because that's not something teachers like doing, and most of them just dismiss such issues.

but he believed me and did something, especially since i knew the class when it happened and could give him a specific time frame for which he checked the footage. and i was right about who did it. i'm so happy he checked the cctv footage though, and it did happen quite as i thought it did. i am hoping that as the thieves got caught, they will now stop targetting me, stop seeing me as a soft target because i'm a quiet kid and they think i won't notice anything missing and won't report it, just because i was humiliated for falling asleep in one boring and stupid teacher's class.

in physics class, i ended up having to get my notebook corrected, and the teacher saw the incomplete work and still didn't say much and wrote a+ in the index, whatever that means. and in pe class, i managed to catch the ball on two occasions, which has never happened before. and the teacher even went "good one!" the first time i caught the ball today.

english class went well, it was interesting and i also laughed a lot over a student's interpretation of a poem and how the teacher kinda clarified it. it was so hilarious! lol!

and yeah, getting home, my mother wasn't acting too great, but eventually it mostly settled, and i talked to her about my stolen book at it was a pretty good discussion and made me feel better. also, the phone and laptop were not taken away when i got home, which is good because i thought she might take them away. anyway, then i was able to shower and get ready rather quickly, so then my mother took me to her room and we were seeing some pics of baby me. and aww i was so cute as a baby, i absolutely adore the baby me. cute cheeks, a beautiful smile, big bright eyes, and lovely short hair. i especially love how my hair looked before my 1st birthday, and and how cute it looked a few months after when i had even same length hair (like a few centimetres) all over my head. it was so good. i'd love to cut my hair like that some day, maybe. and baby pics of me in weird clothes and dupatta sarees and stuff, gosh what kinds of stuff i used to do as a baby! it's so good to see such pictures of myself as a cute little baby.

anyway, then i managed to do some maths and then listen to music, tidy my room and stuff and i gotta go to sleep now. had a pretty good day despite very little sleep last night, but now i'm tired.

2nd july (wednesday): hmm i have a fair bit of stuff to share today but i'm sleepy so i'll just say a little something.

it was a pretty chilly morning, it probably rained all night, i love it. ooh wow 23°C now and high of 26°C is amazing. and i was out of bed by 6:28 am and feeling pretty fresh and awake. and yeah, my sleep was bad but i felt quite fine.

hardly anything happened in school today. english class was pretty depressing and makes me overthink life. but it was still relatively okay. and chemistry period in the lab. most of the rest was just free period when i could do my work which is a good thing in a way.

back home, i took a lovely long shower, which i love. and then i spent time with my mother, hugging and stuff, and i like that even after everything she's done to me. and having sweetcorn while talking to her was good. i just haven't been in the mood to study today even though i have exams from monday lol. but for a while i was feeling pretty calm and was listening to music and feeling good, fresh from my shower and a bit of tidying up. i felt so calm and just wanted to forget life and relax. exams start on monday and i'm so behind in everything yet i felt calm and just wanted go to bed and go off to sleep at 7:30 pm.

and here i am at 11:34 pm, last night i was in bed by this time but today i'm not. anyway, i saw a video on youtube that was really beautiful and i was smiling so much. babies are soooo cute. so are not so babyish little children. maybe one day i will be able to make children happy the way they make me happy and the way some lovely people made me happy when i was a little kid. it's beautiful.

3rd july (thursday): i'm really sick and can't think of much. but to say something, my class teacher showed the cctv footage of my book getting stolen in front of the whole class and it was good to see how exactly it was done.

and in library class, the librarian gave us a stupid "rule" without explanation and i broke it without getting caught when some others did get caught. feeling lucky to have gotten away with it lol. basically we can't issue books this week because of exams next week. so we were allowed to take study material but no notebooks for completion, i dunno why.

the physics teacher was absent so my 9th grade english teacher came for substitution and she was in a good mood so that's good and i managed to do some stuff in that time.

(i typed this last night but didnt send and fell asleep. i dont remember the rest of what i wanted to say and i cant type for today as im. crying)