Things Children of Military Personnel Wish You Knew
If this is part of your life story, please share your insights! What would you like the rest of us to learn? What should we know about people in this community? How would you like people to interact with you? Should people ask questions? What’s the best way for people to learn about this? Do you have any resources (books, movies, YT videos, etc) that will give us greater understanding and empathy and kindness toward people who experience the same things you do?
If you’re not on this journey, we welcome you to listen, learn, and ask respectful, good-faith questions! Open-ended questions are highly encouraged, as they give people the space to share their unique experiences in their own words. While this is a safe space to learn about things you’ve never experienced, please remember to be sensitive, and avoid sharing harmful stereotypes or debating someone's lived reality. If you have a question, ask it with empathy. If someone gently corrects you, please be open to learning. Let's have a gentle, fun, friendly conversation where we support one another, because it takes all sorts to make a world!
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I’m adding a taglist to start, but this post is open to absolutely everyone! <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 thanks for tagging me 💗
@jesusredeemedme2425 Looking forward to hearing people's experiences <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
It seems like everyone I know who had/has a military family either went to follow in their parents' footsteps and carry on the tradition, or became vehemently anti-military when they grew up.
I'm in the latter camp, so, take my answers with the appropriate amount of bias 😅
* I have a lot of personal discomfort with "feel-good" military propaganda. Like service members being wrapped up in a giant gift box where their child or other family member gets surprised by them coming home early. It's hard to put in words but it has always felt very... emotionally manipulative to me. Playing into peoples' anxiety about loved ones' safety and grief about missing life experiences like birthdays and Christmases with them for "content."
* While this wasn't my own reality and I was fortunate to be able to live in one place for most of my childhood, it is the reality of other people I know who have this background so I'll share it here: former military children are often pretty socially detached in adulthood due to having to uproot their lives and start over in a new place every few years. It can feel abnormal to them to lay down roots for more than a couple years at a time and to make and maintain deep friendships that don't taper off due to distance. Other people may write them off as cold and emotionally distant because of how it affects their behavior.
* Being the family member of a service member determines every aspect of your life. Where you live, and for how long, and what school you go to/send your children to, your career if you are a spouse, difficulty with social life as a spouse if you cannot relate to other military families, and many, many aspects of personal and family life. Realizing all of this made me decide from a young age that I would never get into a relationship with a service member because I would not want to ever give up my independence like that.
* It also made me realize just how messed up it is that the ability to get an education is often directly tied to military service. Without it, college is unaffordable for most people, that is ABSOLUTELY by design, and this has only become more and more apparent over the years. They don't even try to hide it anymore.
* Spouses of military members who have kids are superheroes, and I don't say that lightly because I really don't like the warm-and-fuzzy lens often attributed to the realities of military life. I look back on all the things my non-military parent juggled just to support us - often while living almost like a single parent for 6-8 months at a time (emotionally not financially, in fairness, but still) - and my mind is blown.
* My family member was not directly involved in combat, but it can still be difficult to reconcile my personal feelings on the US's involvement overseas during the time period they served with knowing my family member was involved and that we benefited from it.
* In spite of the parts I don't feel favorably about, I will always be grateful that my parent's sacrifices allowed us to live a comfortable life for most of my childhood, one where we never had to worry about needs going unmet. In general I'm very "support the soldier but not the whole military" because most people who join do it to give themselves and their loved ones a better life and are unfortunately sold a lot of effective decades-long propaganda and "carrot-and-stick" incentives to make the bad parts more palatable along the way.
@jesusredeemedme2425
It sucks. But its a drug that we often get sucked into...like me. I'll be leaving next summer for Basic.
Marines?
