Things Hoarders Wish You Knew
If this is part of your life story, please share your insights! What would you like the rest of us to learn? What should we know about people in this community? How would you like people to interact with you? Should people ask questions? What’s the best way for people to learn about this? Do you have any resources (books, movies, YT videos, etc) that will give us greater understanding and empathy and kindness toward people who experience the same things you do?
If you’re not on this journey, we welcome you to listen, learn, and ask respectful, good-faith questions! Open-ended questions are highly encouraged, as they give people the space to share their unique experiences in their own words. While this is a safe space to learn about things you’ve never experienced, please remember to be sensitive, and avoid sharing harmful stereotypes or debating someone's lived reality. If you have a question, ask it with empathy. If someone gently corrects you, please be open to learning. Let's have a gentle, fun, friendly conversation where we support one another, because it takes all sorts to make a world!
***Link to “Wish You Knew” Master List: https://www.7cups.com/forum/gratitude/General_2448/WishYouKnewMasterList_377137/
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I’m adding a taglist to start, but this post is open to absolutely everyone! <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 thanks for the tag ☺️
My dad was a hoarder. It's a nightmare when you have to order a minimum of 4 dumpsters the size of moving van to get junk out.
@Torean
That's a lot. My grandma was like that until she was bedridden and everyone threw her hoarded stuff away. She would store literally anything, from the packaging of hair ties so it could be utilised as a storage box to cap of empty ink pen because she thought it looked lovely lol.
Ooh man, same thing, different reasons. My dad would start a ton of projects and never finish them... That and he would keep totally useless stuff out of sentimentality. Most of the latter got thrown out. There was a disturbing amount of stuff for projects, still in their unopened boxes, that we could sell and give away.
I mean... It's at least taught me not to hang on to a ton of useless junk at least. I remember when my girlfriend (at the time) and I, were moving. Aside from important stuff that we shared, my stuff took less than an hour to pack and technically all fit in one car. For her stuff, it was more like 7 hours of work. 😅 Which is still not as bad as a lot of people I think...
@Torean
Ah I get you. My grandmother would also keep a lot of stuff for sentimental reasons. I think I get it from her because I had stored answer papers from school, empty pen that was gifted by my teacher, fairytale books from my childhood, etc. Moving out was a task and I carried it over before finally disposing the unwanted items and giving away whatever was still usable. I feel moving out as a woman itself is a lot more stressful.
Why is it more stressful as a woman? I feel like I could think of a number of reasons, I'm just curious about yours.
As a guy, the worst thing is that there's always at least one piece of furniture or something that has to be set down fifteen times on the way because of the weight and unwieldiness.
@Torean
I feel women are manipulated into hoarding and buying a lot of stuff in general. It has a lot to do with the demonstration effect, beauty norms, gender based marketing. Women are made to buy more than they actually need. There's a hundred types of scents- perfume, deodrant, hair perfume, mist. The rise in skincare- tretinoin, retinal, retinol, adapalene, benzoyl peroxide. We don't need a variety of products serving the same cause but they're exhibited in such a way that we get tempted to buy them in large numbers. That's why I feel women are conditioned into it in a way. Men on the other hand have always had limited options in every case.
I hear you. That actually makes a lot of sense... I feel like I'm just beginning to understand how insincere and manipulative it really is for women. The first thing that blew my mind still angers me, and that's women's pants not coming with pockets. That's an issue that never gets talked about, it's right in the open, and it only serves for more manipulation (expecting all women to be buying and carrying a big purse everywhere, etc.).
@Torean
Right? It's unfair to be honest. Thank you for for understanding. 🩷
@jesusredeemedme2425
I think one thing I would want people to know is that everyone has a different story, and we can never fully understand what someone is going through just by looking at them.
Sometimes people don't need advice or solutions right away. They simply need someone who is willing to listen without judging them. I believe asking gentle, open-ended questions and giving people the space to express themselves can make a big difference.
I also think we should be patient when someone shares something that we don't personally understand. We don't have to experience the same things to show empathy, kindness, and respect. 💛
For me, the best way to learn about someone's experience is to listen to them directly, respect their boundaries, and stay open-minde.
@jesusredeemedme2425
My name is Tova, and I'm a hoarder.
The first thing I wish people knew is that it's a mental illness. Compulsive hoarding is a form of OCD and is sometimes trauma-based. It can be managed once you get to the root of why you hoard. Do I still hoard? Noooo... *closes door to bedroom full of stuff* I just have collections...
Yes, I still have hoarding capabilities! But once you are mindful of why you hoard, and when you do it, you can change your habits. It took me years! I'm a lot better off than I used to be.