Toxic Positivity
I would like to share a post that I have found because I have wanted to address the issue of Toxic Positivity
It can be hard to know when to distinguish between the two, so I hope this post can give guidance to listeners who may struggle with expressing positivity in a healthy way ( it can be hard to do, I struggle with this as well!)
Why is this important? In a forum that is centered around positivity, I think sometimes it can be hard to recognize that we could be (unintentionally) pushing off or ignoring the very real emotions and situations people are going through by saying something along the lines of "Everything will be okay!" "There is nothing to worry about!" etc etc.
And although, a line like "Everything will be okay" may be helpful coupled with other sentences of empathy and understanding of what the person is going through, words like these can be harmful and can diminish the other people's feelings or concerns when not used in the right context.
It is also important to make space for negative feelings such as sadness and anger whether it is for yourself or for the people around you. It is healthy to express these emotions with balance and you do not have to be positive/happy/care free all the time! (That is what makes us wonderfully human :) )
This isn't just for listeners but for members as well! Whether it is the fact that you want to be a supportive friend for someone going through a hard time OR you struggle with dealing with your own emotions and hide it with positivity (a lot of people do this so you are not alone!)
I hope this is helpful! Let's be on the journey to healthy positivity together! :)
@sierrarain03 great tips ❤ and very important, I'm not a listener, but I've learnt quite a few things about this when talking to people ❤ thankyou for this post ❤
Thank you for the reply! It definitely isn't just meant for listeners so I am glad this was helpful for you as well! ☺️☺️
@sierrarain03 I totally agree! It’s easy to unintentionally minimize feelings with well-meaning positivity. And I appreciate the reminder that we can express our emotions with balance and still support each other! 😊
@Phoenixthepoised :)
@sierrarain03
Very meaningful, healthy and helpful post and photo. Thank you so much. Based on what it says in the photo, I’ve been on the toxic side of positivity in my long time ago part of my past. But reframed certain words to try making it as more helpful/healthy positive as possible whenever I was using any of them as advice to help people.
1. “Encourage people to always be happy and think positive” was changed to “Do you think you’re someone who can be happy and think positively whenever you’re able to? If so, please try to bc it’ll benefit you. When you can’t, it’s totally ok not to. Just always be yourself for yourself.”
2. “Says things like you should look for the good” was changed to “If you found the good things, great! But if you don’t, that’s not bad bc at least you tried to find the good things and that effort was good in itself.”
3. “Avoids how they truly feel in the guise of positivity” got changed to “A lot of people fake feeling positive and happy but actually aren’t. In the long run they’re hurting their own selves. Don’t ever fake anything. Always be your authentic self.”
4. “Denys all emotions except positive vibes” was changed to “It’s truly fine if you show any other emotion besides happiness. No one’s always happy. It’s part of being human as that includes unhappiness, upset, sadness, anger, etc. If someone or multiple people sees your unhappiness, at least someone may come to you and ask you what’s wrong allowing you to be open and express yourself about your unhappiness.”
5. “Trys to just get on with it instead of facing true feelings” got changed to “Accept the true feelings you have and face them. Nothing wrong with that. If you need help, kindly ask for it. Nothing wrong with that either.”
However for most of my life I’ve been on most of the helpful side of positivity based on what it says on that side in the photo.
1. Validating all emotions no matter how good or bad they were/are is something I’ve always been known for and why more than one person said they admired me.
2. Says things like “I’m here for you no matter what” and I’ve followed this. Anytime I said I’d be there, I was there.
3. Encourages people to share everything, good and bad is something I’ve done whenever someone was sharing something like a story or experience or something like that with me I’d make sure they were sharing everything whether it was good or bad.
4. Understanding that not every experience is a good experience is something I truly know all too well as I’ve had more than one experience that was not good. Same thing goes for everyone. Who hasn’t even had an experience that was not good???
5. Accepting and supporting yourself and others no matter how you feel - this is partially where I’m not fully on the helpful side of positivity, not currently anyway, but it’s only with certain members of my toxic immediate family bc of how they always are with me. But everyone else, I accept, support and help always and the same goes for myself :)
@akunknown Wow great reflection and I like your attempt at reframing these common phrases and why they are not very helpful some times. I am glad to hear that you allow others to share feelings aside from positive ones with you. You sound like a good friend! Make sure you take care of yourself though as well. :)
@sierrarain03
Thank you. You’re so kind ❤️❤️❤️❤️
If I sound like a good friend, let’s be friends with each other if you want ❤️ Honestly I’m just being my authentic self!
I’m definitely taking care of myself as much and as best as I can.
@akunknown I am not super active on here as the mobile app can be finnicky for sending messages for me. But please feel free to PM me whenever you want to chat and I will get back to you as soon as I can! You seem like a great friend! we can share listening journeys too! :)
@sierrarain03
Thats exactly why I’m never on the app and use the browser version of 7 Cups all the time LOL
@sierrarain03
Yes this, let's say it loud!
@sierrarain03 this is really helpful, not only in my role as a listener, but in my own life because we might not even be aware sometimes, that our positivity is too much for another person to deal with and it might be invalidating their emotions or belittling their experiences or expecting too much, that they are not ready to give. I will definitely write these differences down fur future reference :) thank you and I hope that you are doing well, and nice to meet you :)
@Amanda84 Thanks! I am sure that you have been a helpful listener even if you have used some of these phrases! This can just give some perspective on how different phrases can have different more helpful impact. :)
@sierrarain03 appreciate it :)
@sierrarain03
Half a century ago in America nobody would believe you that positivity can be toxic 😉
I think it may be important here to notice that some psychological ideas, magazine myths or "fashions", come and go. You cannot feel sad, because that would not make you successful. You cannot be angry, because that makes you an ungrateful child or not a friendly person.
There has been no place in corporate society for some feelings or moods, so they were banished and sent to underground. Despite the fact there are no "bad" feelings, there are just more or less healthy ways to express them.
Actually, I believe nothing can replace some common sense, both in psychology and in our everyday life and choices.
I am grateful I am living in a country where "toxic positivity" barely exists. Most people are dissatisfied with their jobs, with their income, with their children's school grades, with their health, politics, weather or economy. But that makes another, "toxic grumbling" issue 😉
@jacek73 I can see your perspective on this! It is definitely different in other cultures and also not everyone thinks the same way! I think that it could depend on the person. Some may not see it as "toxic" and find some of these helpful. But for people that are actively looking or support on 7 cups, sometimes certain phrases listed above may not be helpful for those wanting to talk about their issues. These phrases may not always be terrible but there could be other phrases that are a bit better. But again, there are times where we feel that we have to push on ( I do this as well of course I am only human ) and that is what we have to do. I think having a different look on "positivity" allowing people to share their feelings or grievances and in way still moving forward to succeed can be helpful. Thank you for your input and different perspective from the post! :)
But I do say to myself and to others to 'look for the good' and it actually helps me!! So how is it toxic?
@Creamyyy Good question! I can understand your good intentions with this. I have said it myself in the past! This may be helpful for some but ultimately for others if not given space to express their feelings on something and to just "look at the silver lining" or "look for the good" they may feel that their feelings or problems are not valid. Sometimes statements like these can make people feel like they need to push down their feelings on things. Although I understand where you are coming from with this because I have thought the same before and it does work for some people!
Thank you for this post. I agree there is a place to be positive, but one also needs to face difficult emotions in order to heal instead of pushing them inside and overriding with positivity.
@sereneHeart651 Definitely! It is so important to be in tune with what your body and mind needs. There are times where we may need to push through. But there has to come a point where we express our emotions in a healthy unrestrictive way.
@sierrarain03
You've brought up a great point. It can be harmful to shut down any negative feelings when they exist. They can't disappear just because someone told you to be positive.
@freshRabbit5716 It can be harmful! Unfortunately I think people in our environment and society in general teach us to push it down and move forward. It can be very overwhelming to have to constantly be positive and not let any insecurity or low feelings show!
Great message ❤️ its always useful to share positivity ❤️
Thank you! 😊
