Silver-linings: helpful or hurtful?

@halcyonCloud2036

Thank you for this great post. I am also one of those people that find that metaphor helpful, and I completely agree that dwelling on the problem might lead to spiraling down. When I think about it, I am not sure whether someone can get better while clinging to a bad experience. I believe that a person has to change their perspective/make a change to feel better. Rarely things gets good on their own, especially regarding mental health. However, maybe using a different method instead of this metaphor would be better for those people. Moreover, I also noticed that some people really need to experience something themselves to get over it despite that someone already advised it to them before.

@halcyonCloud2036

This is both an interesting topic and a great question.

For myself, I seem to have straddled both worlds in my life. In that, for a lot of my life I was put off by phrases like "everything happens for a reason" or "there's a silver lining in every cloud."

Moreover, one of my best friends practices stoicism to a very large degree. To the point where, with rare exceptions, he doesn't really have intense reactions to...pretty much anything. It has made for some frustrating conversations with him in the past, but I can definitely see where he's coming from.

So, to sum, while I am for sure an optimist (and can even recognize that there are things that I have learned that I would not have in any other way other than through my specific trials), there have been many times where my automatic gut reaction has been pretty much the opposite of finding the silver lining. However, after validating my feelings (and sometimes sitting with them) on the matter, I am able to move past the initial feelings into a more positive interpretation.

I think if internal it can be helpful, and there are ways others can support that but it has to be done in a way that is empathetic.

I think it can be quite hurtful if someone else is forcing it, especially in a fairly flippant way.

I think an example that many people with a chronic illness experience is others saying like oh well at least it's not cancer. I would say that majority of the time the comment is not appreciated - particularly if cancer was even part of the differential diagnosis. Internally though, if a diagnosis isn't a surprise or a lot worse than what someone was expecting many people do experience well at least I know what it is now.

@halcyonCloud2036

That's a great insight and question! Personally for me I think it depends on the perspective of each person, I think some people really benefit from being able to recognize silver linings and fuels their optimism that they use to tackle more challenges. Others take mistakes and failures for what it is and without their silver lining justification utilize these experiences to help them grow and take it for what it is.

Personally I feel like I fall in the second category. As a more critical and practical person, I like to take mistakes and failures as opportunities to improve myself. I think I'm myself very imperfect person so it's hard to look optimistically (but not necessarily a bad thing!)

@halcyonCloud2036 I’m excited to find this topic, because this has been in my mind the last couple months. In general the idea of silver linings helps me move past things. Maybe this is a little different, but it would help me to find some purpose in my pain. Like if I met someone going through the same thing later and I could give them some comfort, it would feel worth it to me to have gone through it. I feel like this has to be an idea that comes from inside you though. If someone else tells me to look on the bright side, I can feel my mind start to reject that.

The But to all this is that these thoughts haven’t been helping me lately. I’m concerned that I’ve moved way backwards in progress. It almost makes me angry that I’ve had to go through so much, if the only benefit is to be able to help someone else not hurt as much as I did. It makes me think, where was the person there to help me not feel all that pain? Why do I have to be the one always sacrificed? I’m sorry, I feel really pathetic admitting this. I also have an understanding that painful events have made me stronger, wiser, and things like that. That too helps sometimes, but other days it’s like, well I see other people that may not be very wise or strong but they sure do look a heck of a lot happier than me Some days I’d rather be naive and enjoying life. As it is now, I have difficulty feeling joy at all.

I don’t mean to be so negative. I’m actually in a pretty good mood today. I just happened to see this thread and wanted to say what’s been inside.

Somedays it's hard to see the silver lining.Some days you only see the horrible dark storm clouds.

We are not robots who can just focus on one thing at a time in a cold unemotional manner.I think we have to see the dark clouds,feel it and embrace it before focusing on the silver lining.

If we don't let ourselves feel,the negative energy just turns into something else...despondency,lack of motivation,drive,sadness and manifests into ill health-psychological,physical,mental.

So writing,talking and expressing our sadness is important I think.