Over three years later
(This may be a trigger warning) (I am also going to post this here because I can't find the grief forums.)
This topic started when I met with my counselor last Friday and we started talking about a former respite provider/support person. Though I had a very traumatic and toxic end with her a long time ago, I decided to give my counselor a back story about what happened. Actually, the provider and I had since made up. Though I wanted to catch up, she moved to another country to work as a resort.
Anyway, I wanted to show a picture of her to my counselor, however, I could not find her on social media. So I did a deeper diver only to learn that she died in that country three years ago. As of right now, I am in complete shock
@Summershy Hello Summershy, I totally understand your shock this news came totally unexpected. I'm hearing that she was really there for you while you were struggling so I understand this news can maybe bring up lots of feelings and that's totally normal. Don't hesitate to reach out to a listener either we are here for you!
@Clarezg
The sad part is that she and I had reconnected 6 years ago after having that nasty falling out, 8 years prior. Anyway, I have been taking some time to slow down and really reflect on the reality of the situation. Out of all the people that I have lost in the last 5 years, I can't believe that she's gone.
I also had a chance to reach out to one of her friends through the social media site. From what he said, it's believed that she took her own life by hanging herself on a tree. The thing is, I can't believe that she would do that. When I worked with her, she was always about preventing suicide. The main reason is that her brother also committed suicide back then.
@Summershy Learning more about her situation must've been such an even large shock for you especially since it seemed like she was advocating and bringing awareness to suicide. Sudden loss often catches us when we are most unprepared and leaves us confused. I totally understand the questions you are asking right now
However , I need to discuss that she was not perfect. During the misunderstanding and falling out, she was not very nice to me. There were other times where she didn’t respect me as a person.
On the other hand, we had some great times.
@Summershy Ohh I understand👍
She humiliated me one time due to a misunderstanding. Basically, I invited her to see a movie with me. She was upset with me for being a no show. Though she said yes, there was a meeting that she went to first. I also went to see another movie earlier because it was one of those value cinemas. I called her and told her where I was and kept checking the phone. I didn’t see any messages so I kept watching the movie. When the movie got out, I found out that she did arrive. I also found out that I was in big trouble with my aunt and her. She also quit being my respite provider after that too m.
@Clarezg For some reason I was unable to respond to your most recent message but I understand how the miscommunication and humiliation following it could feel really helpless, hurt and misunderstood. I feel many would probably feel hurt in your position.
She was very rude to me that night and treated me like a kid. She also did other things that week that were irresponsible.
I am feeling a little better and I had a chance to think about it. Over all, she was a good person and did a lots of neat things in the community. Again, she was not perfect. She also liked to get her way at times.
@Clarezg I hear you. I'm glad you're feeling a little better now 💖
@Clarezg
For the most part I have let it go. However, I am trying to get ahold of some other people who knew her. So far, I have not had any luck in getting them to reply back via social media messaging.
@Clarezg Ohh gotchu glad to hear an update. Good luck in getting a response!
@Summershy, hi there :) I just wanted to send you a note because I found your post!
@cyanPlatypus6370
I had a good chance to cry about what happened because of that.