Break again lol.....TW Death

My grams died on March 17th, and it feels like I’m in this endless fog of sadness. I sat there holding her cold hand for what seemed like forever—an hour, maybe? But when I finally got there, she was already gone. I can’t even begin to describe how heartbreaking that is. She never got to see me turn 17, watch me graduate, or even experience all the little things that come with growing up. I keep thinking about how she’ll never be in the audience cheering me on at my graduation or sharing those precious moments as I step into adulthood. It feels so unbelievably unfair, like life just snatched everything away from me without any warning.

And, honestly, I really don’t want to hear anyone telling me, “She will be there in spirit.” Right now, I’m longing for her physical presence—her hugs, her laughter, that sparkle in her eyes when she smiled. She was my everything, my safe haven during my childhood. She knew all my secrets, my dreams, and even the tiniest details about my life. Even as she got sicker, I made it my mission to keep her in the loop about the latest drama in my life, sharing stories and memories to brighten her day. I wanted her to know just how beautiful and important she was to me, and now she’s just… not here anymore.

It’s like there’s this huge, gaping hole in my heart that I can’t seem to fill, and the weight of my grief is heavier than I ever imagined. I keep flooding back to all those cozy afternoons spent together, laughing over inside jokes, sharing snacks, and watching our favorite shows. Those moments felt timeless, and now they feel like fragments of a dream. It’s hard to even breathe sometimes, knowing that I won’t get to create any new memories with her. 

So, I’ve decided that I'm taking yet another break from 7 Cups. Honestly, I think this is like my 100th break from this app, and it’s just feeling like too much to handle right now. Everything changes so quickly on here, and sometimes it’s overwhelming. I joined this app when I was 14, and now I’m on the brink of turning 17—it’s just crazy! I keep wishing there was some magical way I could travel back in time, change a few things, or somehow create more moments with my grams. But of course, reality doesn’t work that way. 

To everyone who’s been with me from the start, I just want to give you all a massive shoutout and say thank you. You guys have been absolute rocks in my life, always supporting me even when I threw cringey nicknames your way or bombarded you with messages! Your kindness and understanding have meant the world to me, especially now when it feels like everything is falling apart. I love you all so incredibly much, and even though this place feels different now, it will always hold a special place in my shattered heart. Here’s to the memories we’ve shared, the late-night chats where we laughed until we cried, and the connections we’ve built that will last beyond the changes. Cups will forever be a part of my journey through this crazy life, even through the pain. Thank you for being here for me—you have no idea how much it means. 

Taglist (If you don't wanna be on here again lmk): 

@unassumingEyes @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @cathandlernoah ( Ik u dont even use this account but damn I miss you u were my first ever friend on here lol) @Darkerplaces @yourlocalIKEA 

Idk who else to tag who has known me since the beginning, Your all amazing <3  

~Mae