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Maeebae99
1 6,740 M Moving Along 4
I hate this all, Everything is too different.
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts609 Forum posts83 Forum upvotes192 Current upvotes192 Age GroupTeen Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceMarch 5, 2025
Bio

Im done with life, When is it my turn to go? 


March 17 8:37 am is the day my whole life changed forever n i will never be the same 









This app is not the same~ Im hardly on here now. I miss all of my friends 









Recent forum posts
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Empty......TW SH, self esteem issues
Depression Support / by Maeebae99
Last post
 June 25th
...See more Feeling empty all the time is not for the weak. You would think that living would be easy, but it’s not—not when every single day feels like drowning in silence, like I’m screaming underwater and no one can hear me. Every laugh is a brittle sound that shatters in my mouth, every smile is painted on so carefully, but it slides away the moment I’m alone. Nights are the cruelest, when the world goes still and even the darkness feels like it’s pressing in on me. I bury my face in my pillow, soaking it with silent tears, wishing I could simply disappear. I beg myself not to give in, but the urge to hurt myself is relentless—it claws at my resolve, whispering that pain is the only thing that can make me feel real. Every tiny mistake, every awkward moment, feels like a tidal wave crashing over me, and when the sharp relief fades, it leaves behind a shame so deep it makes my bones ache. My gut twists with self-loathing, an ache that feels like it will never let go. Sometimes it feels like I’m being eaten alive from the inside, hollowed out by sadness and regret. I pick apart every part of myself—the way I walk, the way I talk, the way I present myself in front of others. I hate my smile because it feels like a lie. I hate how I look in a bathing suit, how flat and empty my body feels. There’s a constant voice in my head listing everything wrong with me, and sometimes, it feels like the sadness will never end. The emptiness doesn’t just linger; it devours, and all I can do is hope to make it to the next day. ~Mae
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idk
Depression Support / by Maeebae99
Last post
 May 1st
...See more I don't feel normally anymore... I feel empty late at night when no one is around,  I feel empty n angry mid day when I can't stand to be around my family,  I am a great actress I make myself seem fine as wine everyday, laughing, smiling, never failed it,  I am behind in school, I am behind on sm in life,  anyways bye 
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Safe spaceeee
Pen Pals / by Maeebae99
Last post
 March 25th
...See more @archieisapoet No peepingggg  Hey hey!  I realllyyy feel like Ik you n Idk y i have such a strong feeling about it lol  Okay My old name was Leximae99, then there was also selfloveisimportant99
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Break again lol.....TW Death
Grief & Loss / by Maeebae99
Last post
 April 3rd
...See more My grams died on March 17th, and it feels like I’m in this endless fog of sadness. I sat there holding her cold hand for what seemed like forever—an hour, maybe? But when I finally got there, she was already gone. I can’t even begin to describe how heartbreaking that is. She never got to see me turn 17, watch me graduate, or even experience all the little things that come with growing up. I keep thinking about how she’ll never be in the audience cheering me on at my graduation or sharing those precious moments as I step into adulthood. It feels so unbelievably unfair, like life just snatched everything away from me without any warning. And, honestly, I really don’t want to hear anyone telling me, “She will be there in spirit.” Right now, I’m longing for her physical presence—her hugs, her laughter, that sparkle in her eyes when she smiled. She was my everything, my safe haven during my childhood. She knew all my secrets, my dreams, and even the tiniest details about my life. Even as she got sicker, I made it my mission to keep her in the loop about the latest drama in my life, sharing stories and memories to brighten her day. I wanted her to know just how beautiful and important she was to me, and now she’s just… not here anymore. It’s like there’s this huge, gaping hole in my heart that I can’t seem to fill, and the weight of my grief is heavier than I ever imagined. I keep flooding back to all those cozy afternoons spent together, laughing over inside jokes, sharing snacks, and watching our favorite shows. Those moments felt timeless, and now they feel like fragments of a dream. It’s hard to even breathe sometimes, knowing that I won’t get to create any new memories with her.  So, I’ve decided that I'm taking yet another break from 7 Cups. Honestly, I think this is like my 100th break from this app, and it’s just feeling like too much to handle right now. Everything changes so quickly on here, and sometimes it’s overwhelming. I joined this app when I was 14, and now I’m on the brink of turning 17—it’s just crazy! I keep wishing there was some magical way I could travel back in time, change a few things, or somehow create more moments with my grams. But of course, reality doesn’t work that way.  To everyone who’s been with me from the start, I just want to give you all a massive shoutout and say thank you. You guys have been absolute rocks in my life, always supporting me even when I threw cringey nicknames your way or bombarded you with messages! Your kindness and understanding have meant the world to me, especially now when it feels like everything is falling apart. I love you all so incredibly much, and even though this place feels different now, it will always hold a special place in my shattered heart. Here’s to the memories we’ve shared, the late-night chats where we laughed until we cried, and the connections we’ve built that will last beyond the changes. Cups will forever be a part of my journey through this crazy life, even through the pain. Thank you for being here for me—you have no idea how much it means.  Taglist (If you don't wanna be on here again lmk):  @unassumingEyes @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @cathandlernoah ( Ik u dont even use this account but damn I miss you u were my first ever friend on here lol) @Darkerplaces @yourlocalIKEA  Idk who else to tag who has known me since the beginning, Your all amazing <3   ~Mae
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Commitment issues....
Relationship Stress / by Maeebae99
Last post
 February 23rd
...See more I’ve been reflecting a lot on my relationship patterns, and it’s made me realize that I’ve developed a real fear of commitment. This has led me to behave like a ho since I was around 14. Looking back, it’s almost like I’ve been on this whirlwind of infatuations without ever fully investing in anyone.  The first significant relationship I remember was with a guy I knew pretty well. We were close in childhood, but he was two years younger than me. We chatted for about two weeks when I was 14, which was pretty much my first real experience with someone in person. Then, things got a bit complicated. I met his friend, who was closer to my age—sweet, charming, and easy to talk to. After some inner conflict, I ended things with my first guy and jumped into a relationship with his friend. Yeah, I know it was a bit of a mess, but it felt right at the moment. We had a good run for about four months until I transitioned to in-person schooling. I was still only 14, but the friends I made there had so much to say about us, and it made me insecure. Then there was L, a guy who immediately caught my eye. He had these gorgeous brown eyes and long lashes that made him stand out. For about a month, we didn’t really talk since I had a boyfriend, and I was too scared to reach out to him.  Our real connection happened at homecoming. He was there with my friend—things just clicked when we all hung out. However, my friend started to talk badly about him, which I didn’t appreciate. I told L about her comments, mostly because she was trying to win back her ex-boyfriend anyway. Eventually, they ended things, and a few weeks later, L told me he liked me. I really liked him too, and my friend surprisingly approved, so we started dating. But that didn’t last long. After about two months, he ended up getting together with my best friend, who I considered a sister. That was a tough pill to swallow for me. For the next year, I felt like I was just his rebound. During that time, I dated three different guys and broke things off with all of them whenever he wanted to hang out for a week. It was chaotic and honestly kind of sad—I invested so much emotional energy in a situation that felt so one-sided and uncertain. Finally, I managed to put L behind me last February. Since then, I’ve tried to find my footing in relationships, but it hasn’t been smooth sailing. I’ve been through two serious relationships and three talking stages, all of which ended for various reasons.  Now I’m talking to someone who really is the sweetest guy—funny, caring, and genuinely enjoyable to be around. The catch is that our relationship is online, and I recently asked him if he thought it would be better for me to just let go of my feelings for him. He responded that he didn’t think I was ready to commit to a relationship right now and suggested we wait a few months to see if my feelings are still there.  Hearing that was incredibly painful and heart-wrenching. It’s tough to see someone you genuinely like express doubt about where things are headed. But at the same time, it was eye-opening. It made me realize that I need to confront my fears and figure out what I really want. I’m still navigating my emotions and trying to learn from my past experiences, hoping I can break free from this cycle someday. ~Mae 
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Idek
Relationship Stress / by Maeebae99
Last post
 February 18th
...See more Is it normal to want to love someone fall completely for this person but not even a month into it your picking it apart, and hardly talking, lowk ghosting them so u just end it. I keep doing this Kind of what i got mad at my ex for expect i go to more then 1 guy, been this way for the last almost 2 years. I feel like I lose intrest fast or I pick it apart for flaws. ~mae
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Coming back after awhile
General Support / by Maeebae99
Last post
 February 9th
...See more Coming back to this platform after being away for a while feels both odd and overwhelming. I still have my old username, and it’s a reminder of a time that holds a lot of negative memories for me. It's striking how many people still recognize me from it, while others don’t—and that’s completely okay. Reflecting on my past, especially from when I was 14 to 15, I realize I was a bit of a rule-breaker. I can see now how much turmoil I was in, impacting the way I interacted with others. Now that I’m 16, almost 17, I have a clearer perspective on the way I treated people because of my mental health struggles. Instead of facing those difficult feelings and reaching out to apologize, I chose to hide, changing my username and deleting my accounts in an attempt to escape my past. Back then, I thought that since it was all online, it didn’t really matter. But now I’ve come to understand that behind every screen are real people with real feelings. I often think about the conflicts I had with others here and genuinely regret any pain I may have caused. If I’ve hurt anyone during my time on this platform, please know that I’m truly sorry. I carry those feelings with me, and I appreciate everyone's patience as I’ve navigated my growth during this journey. ~Mae 💜  *Take some cookies if ya made it this far you are loved!* 🍪
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