Dear Father,
Tw: Addictions + Daddy issues
is it possible to grieve someone that's not gone? he's here. but i miss what he was. before the drinking, the drugs, the smoking, the addictions. i miss my funny, kind, always made little me laugh father. it seems unfair that's not what i get. he's physically here but emotionally absent. sometimes it feels like living with a ghost. i think that i grieve for what other people have. i grieve the absence of a happy family. i know that people have happy families, happy fathers, good fathers. so why can't i have that? like is unfair, and i don't understand why it has to be that way. the cards i got dealt are not fair.
@RobynTheBird
Addiction hurts people all around not just the person.
Have you ever thought sharing how you miss who he was? Maybe that intervention is just what he needs to maybe see he needs help? I recently saw a book by celebrity who turned his life and addictions around ....... after his grown child told him how it made them feel.
sometimes when a person is doing things that anger or hurt us they really never considered how their actions hurt others.
@RobynTheBird
I know exactly how you feel. I grieved my father the same way, until two months ago. He passed away emotionally long ago, and recently physically. I began grieving everything that we could have had between us. So my advice to you is, don't give up on him. I know that it's hard, and it hurts you very much, but try your very best to cherish what little you have with him. I used to think that there's no point in having a father like him, and I rather have no father. Now that I'm in that position, I regret it. I miss him dearly everyday. Despite everything he did or said, I miss the person he was, and the person he could have been. You're incredibly strong for keeping it together for so long. I hope you find happiness within yourself and outside your family. The cards we got to deal with are certainly unfair, but the only thing we can do is adapt and keep going. Maybe your father has his own battles to face, and has thus resorted to addictive substances. It is very irresponsible of him. As a father he should care about you just as much as you care. The fact that you grieve the man he used to be tells me how much you loved him. Take care of yourself first. You deserve to be happy. I'll pray for your well-being as well as your father's.
@RobynTheBird
I'm sorry to hear about your experience. It is very possible to grieve someone who is still here and alive. For example, last year I began grieving the loss of my mother 12 weeks before she passed away. It is known as anticipatory grief. Grieving the loss of something can feel just like grieving the death of someone. I feel for you and hope something turns around in your situation. If you need to talk, please feel free to reach out. As a listener, my door is always open.
Peace be with you.