How do I move forward and heal after cutting ties with my father and still now crave love I never got from anyone?
I have a very traumatic past and suffered from PTSD due to sexual abuse by my brother when growing up, I find it very difficult talking about it and have seen therapy before for this.
My issue as a whole now is a family trauma issue. A year ago cut my father out of my life as he couldn't be the father that I needed for years and he didn't treat me like a daughter and god I tried. I told my father about the abuse that happened when I was seeking therapy at the time many years ago and he told me to wait because he couldn't deal with it and told me I ruined christmas. We have always had a strained relationship but I always wanted more from him that he couldnt give due to his grief that he has been through.
My step mother never treated me like a daughter and nor my step sister or brother as a sister. Always felt like I was looking on the glass outside in. Never felt apart of anything or included. I hated how close my step mum was with my step sister as I was jealous of how close they were.. I wanted the same thing. To feel comforted and loved and be apart of the family.
My step sister and step brother, aunts and uncles since cutting ties with my father dont wish to be apart of with me my children or my husbands life by their choice which really has hurt me in more ways than I could imagine.
I was in a car accident myself with my mother, brother and younger sister when I was 5. My mother and and my younger sister passed away in the crash.
I want to be able to move forward in my life but feel like I can't because this seems to be leaking into my every day life and especially with my parenting of my 3 children.
Is it even possible to move forward and heal?
@tulips23
Hello,
I’m sorry you had to
go through that. It hurts me to hear that your father gave you that response
when you were vulnerable with him. I can’t imagine how that must have felt for
you. I’m also sorry to hear about your loss. This must be hard to talk about.
So, I appreciate your vulnerability. It is possible to heal and move forward.
We’re here to support you along the way.💛💫
@tulips23 Yes it is possible.
It takes time, however.
How much time?
It depends on the person, everyone is different.
I hope this helps some.
I am very sorry for your loss.
Tulip, dear, I'm so so sorry you've gone through that. I honestly can't imagine the pain you must be feeling. Tulip, please, please, know that you are loved. I might not know you, I might not be a close member of your friend group, but know, that I love you. I care for you. I really do. No one should have to go through something like that. I know how hard it can be to deal with the loss of your mom, and your sister, and on top of that dealing with abuse from your step brother. Dear, I feel you. I care. You have a place in my heart, tulip. If ever you need any help, any, please ask. I'll try my best to help you out. I care, tulip.
You are healing already, in being conscious & writing this all down, well done 😉
Embrace the pain. The obstacle is the way. I love you!
@tulips23
I am not an expert on this sort of thing, but I thought I would share something that I heard from Buddhist Master Thich Nhat Hanh. He said our parents are not only other people we associate with, but they also live within us and we can heal our relationship with the outer parent by healing the inner parents.
I have noticed that if we try to run away from things they tend to follow us until we've dealt with them -- especially relationships, so I thought I would share this perspective. Maybe if it intrigues you and you want to know more you could look at what Thich Nhat Hanh has said about it.
Hope this helps!
@Tulips23 I have no doubt you’ll heal. And come out stronger and wiser since you have faced really harsh situations.
And you are already in the process of healing. Clearly you reached out to this community and shared. Which means you made the commitment to heal. And now with people’s support you are going to make improvements in your mental health one day at a time, I have absolutely no doubt. And you’ll get clarity on what healing means to you, what is working, what is setting you back, and you’ll march towards the life you desire. Just hang in there and keep the commitment to feel better alive.
@tulips23 I read a book recently called Mother Hunger which talks about this. In the book it says that you don't need your parents to heal. We have to find ways to nurture ourselves and create safe environments for ourselves. Give ourselves what we didn't get. She has some suggestions in the book. I understand exactly how you feel. Its hard because you always have the hunger.