Idk how to cope
See I lost my mom like 3 years ago and I'm still not over it. Even though we were never ever close due to me being still in that angsty teenager phase, her absense has created a void. Every day I think about what we could have been. She died of COVID, a lot of my family blamed me for her death as I was the first to contract it. I took up a lot of responsibilities after her death like emotional support of the family, grocery, household tasks etc. but as I didn't show a lot of emotions people said that I have none and that my own mother died and i didnt care. Around the same time I lost my grandparents also. 1 year later I lost a close relative who was basically the last person who used to be a mentor. I'm a high functioning person so while I kept the responsibilities and managed to perform well academically, I have no emotional support. While my relations with my father have improved a lot as he also recovered, he still sometimes unknowingly says things that sent me spiralling. Don't get me wrong ik he loves me a lot and he also contributed to the family significantly after he got better but he's also an alcohol problem. I don't have close friends, no female mentorship( I'm a female) and honestly am extremely stressed, tired due to my academics and the one therapy I had was sports. However I have had 3 major injuries in the past 2 years...
@easyWater6743
People react differently and i will say regardless of circumstance a parents death stays with you a long time. In my opinion it is wrong for others to judge your grief or feelings simply because you have not cried or openly played a show for others....
i have attended funerals with people who could put on a show then turn it off at the end .... yet they seemed so much more upset then I was and people will say i am cold or should feel this or that .... they have no idea of what you are going through. with injuries in past maybe find another outlet for you and even get out and maybe you can find/ meet other role models / mentors ....
i know when i was in need of that i ask the universe and have met new people taht come into my life and in subtle ways have helped me grow immensely.
