Loss of someone i loved

I had a crush on my senior in college he was the entire reason i even went to college, after crushing for months over him i found out he already had a girlfriend but before that we used to share our moments like i would catch him staring and smiling at me, he used to text me a lot and all that, he used to play guitar and i was literally obsessed with the way he played, eventhough after finding out he had a girlfriend and he still kinda led me on i did despise him a little but i never hated him and a part of me also hoped i would cross paths with him again like something in my heart was surely telling me that i will hear from him again but i never thought it would be like this... yesterday night i found out he died, he drowned in a river... i dont know how i'll ever get over this , i still can't accept it really happend, i feel soo overwhelmed with so many emotions right now... i dont even know if i should go to his funeral or not , i dont know if i have the strength to see his body.. and after all this time i dont want our next meeting to be like this, i feel soo horrible. All these memories and moments starts flooding back and i can't even believe that person is gone forever..