Things are heavy..

@creativeLime6103 I'm sorry you're going through all this. I've been wondering the same thing myself lately. I wish I could say with certainty that you can get back to who you were before she passed but I don't think it's possible. Losing a parent changes you and you were young when it happened, so I would think the loss is more profound. There always seems to be thoughts of how much they've missed. With you, she's missed the birth of your children and that you went back to school and got your diploma (congratulations!) I think she would be very proud of your accomplishments too. I know with myself I wear a mask around everyone that's says I'm fine, even though I'm not. It's tiring and heavy carrying this all the time, but it seems to be what everyone expects of me. They weren't there for me when he died, so I guess my mind decided that it's pointless to share how I feel with them. I wonder, is it the same for you? Do you wear a mask too? 

I’m so sorry for your loss, especially so young it sounds. I watched my dad be sick for 15 years and thought I would be able to cope with it when he passed in March of 2024, but I think about the way he looked every day still, and I was 28 when he passed. Obviously the wound is more fresh, but I didn’t even feel it was real for the first six months, and still don’t some days till it suddenly hits me all over again. I’ve also found myself back in an emotionally abusive relationship that was on/off for 2 years before he even passed. I don’t know if it helps to hear any of that or this at all, but I already had PTSD from other things in my past growing up, and then seeing my dad like that became another imprint in the trauma loop. It’s one of those things that not only losing a parent changes your reality, (and I’m not diagnosing, I’m not a therapist! But that was traumatic as *** for a young person to go through 🥺) but when you’re stuck in loops like that, no matter how far you progress or how happy a milestone is, your brain has trained itself to snap back to the worst moments, and trick you into thinking nothing will ever be good again because, remember this?! If you haven’t looked into trauma based therapy I recommend it. I had a friend last year i talked to who has also had similar experiences as myself, and he had never considered it before, tried it, and it actually helped him a lot. I understand it’s different for everyone, because of insurance and money and things, but he was able to do it for free through the community college he was going to, so if there’s anything like that offered at the place you were able to get your G.E.D. through (congrats btw, that is such a big accomplishment!!!!) you could also take advantage of that <3

I’m so sorry for your loss, especially so young it sounds. I watched my dad be sick for 15 years and thought I would be able to cope with it when he passed in March of 2024, but I think about the way he looked every day still, and I was 28 when he passed. Obviously the wound is more fresh, but I didn’t even feel it was real for the first six months, and still don’t some days till it suddenly hits me all over again. I’ve also found myself back in an emotionally abusive relationship that was on/off for 2 years before he even passed. I don’t know if it helps to hear any of that or this at all, but I already had PTSD from other things in my past growing up, and then seeing my dad like that became another imprint in the trauma loop. It’s one of those things that not only losing a parent changes your reality, (and I’m not diagnosing, I’m not a therapist! But that was traumatic as *** for a young person to go through 🥺) but when you’re stuck in loops like that, no matter how far you progress or how happy a milestone is, your brain has trained itself to snap back to the worst moments, and trick you into thinking nothing will ever be good again because, remember this?! If you haven’t looked into trauma based therapy I recommend it. I had a friend last year i talked to who has also had similar experiences as myself, and he had never considered it before, tried it, and it actually helped him a lot. I understand it’s different for everyone, because of insurance and money and things, but he was able to do it for free through the community college he was going to, so if there’s anything like that offered at the place you were able to get your G.E.D. through (congrats btw, that is such a big accomplishment!!!!) you could also take advantage of that <3