Self Care During the Holidays while grieving

Let's face it, grief is hard.  It's not the kind of thing that anyone wants to face.  And the closer you were to the loved one that passed, the more difficult it can be to grieve.  Coping with grief during the holidays is not easy.  I love the holidays, and even 19 years after the loss of my daughter, I still grieve every Christmas.  Let me assure you, everything you feel is okay.  And it's normal.  There is no shame in feeling sad, lonely, afraid, or even angry. And no matter who you have lost and are grieving for, you have the right to feel everything that you are feeling.  Because grief during the holidays is so hard, I have tried to come up with a list of things you can do that aren't the typical things that most people recommend.

1.  Toss your normal holiday traditions out the window.  When a loved one that you once enjoyed traditions with is no longer with you, sometimes, it can make those traditions harder to enjoy, not easier.  It's okay to completely change your traditions.  I had to do that when my daughter passed away.  The first 5 years were probably the hardest of my life.  And I had to change things up.  Instead of opening gifts on Christmas morning and participating in Santa.  We hung her stocking and wrote letters to her.  We visit her grave each year on Christmas morning.  Maybe you want to change up your Christmas meal?  Instead of turkey, have ham, or a steak.  If you are vegetarian, i'm not familiar with vegetarian holiday meals, but I know there are things you can change even as a vegetarian.  If you normally have a nice sit-down meal at the table, set up a buffet and eat sitting on the couch.  One year, we set everything up on the coffee table and we all sat around the coffee table for something different.  If you do a big Christmas, try drawing names.

2.  Volunteer:  There are a lot of organizations that need help especially during the holidays.  And it will make you feel fulfilled.  It doesn't matter what you choose to do.  It can be as big as adopting an angel and purchasing gifts, or it can be bringing a meal to an elderly person that lives in your neighborhood.  The point of this is to get out of yourself and think of someone else.

3.  Talk to someone who understands:  7 cups is a great place to do this.  There's always a listener that you can connect with.  The forums are a great place to come and check in with your fellow Cupsers.  And group support is a great place where you can come and chat with other people who may or may not understand what you are going through.  But at least you wouldn't have to be alone on a difficult day.

4.  Create a gratitude list.  I remember when my friend told me to do this.  I was so incredibly upset.  I was so wrapped up in my grief that I couldn't find anything in my life to be grateful for.  She started by telling me to write down 5 things I was grateful for.  And every time I told her I couldn't, she would add 5 more. :(  This was by far the hardest assignment I've ever had.  I ended up having to write down 100 things I was grateful for.  Although I hated the assignment, it was probably the best experience I've ever had.  Things usually happen that way for me.  I dread them.... I don't like them.... but when I finally do them, it turns out to be something fantastic.

During this holiday season, what tradition can you toss out the window?  Who can you talk to about your grief during the holidays, even if it's just coming here to Cups.  What organization can you volunteer for, even if it's just for a few hours?  And what are you grateful for?