Dealing with Recurring Group Support Issues as Mods
Hi there lovely community! In the last weekly meeting some issues were brought up to me, some are in progress of getting fixed, some are things out of our control and some are somewhere in between. One of the issues brought up was group support rooms...the first part of this issue (mod coverage) we are addressing through other means like alerts, outreach programs and such; the second part of that issue was members circumventing the mutes and warnings, being overall abusive and making support rooms a tough place to moderate overall. I will talk a little bit about this second issue here.
First things first, modding support rooms is hard. If you are a group mod, please know that Im extremely thankful for your support and I admire your dedication a lot. Being a moderator is going above and beyond to ensure our members and guest can communicate among themselves and build a community in a safe positive way.
That said let's outline the issues and possible solutions:
Issue: Members being unsupportive and mean
Suggestions on how to deal with it:
→ Use the Warning System- This might seem like an obvious one but its important that we remember that the goal of this system is to keep conflicts of muting outside of the room as much as possible. Sometimes, we want to lean toward being more flexible and not muting people because they are in distress. I encourage you to use the warning system and your judgement on how to best proceed. We trust your judgement on how to best approach situations as they come in, feel confident in your modding!
→ Lead by example- Moderating sometimes means quietly observing how members interact and show support to each other, and other times it means hands on deck trying to keep the room on track. When you find that members are not giving supportive answers take the extra step and join in the conversation writing supportive replies that will allow members to get a better idea on how to support each other.
→ Seek support- If the room is overwhelmingly chaotic, dont hesitate to seek support at group mod zones or listener chat rooms or using the emergency forms.
→ Take a minute to identify the needs of the room- Sometimes, when we are under pressure to keep a group support room safe we might miss the real reason for the issue in there. It might be that members need a focus, it might be that they are very distress and need one on one support, and a bunch of other reasons. Orient your solutions and actions towards addressing those needs.
→ Pace yourself- Being a moderator is hard, it's okay to need a break and it's okay if you dont feel like moderating that day/week. Recognize your limits, practice self care regularly and remind yourself why you become a moderator.
Issue: Members Circumventing Mutes
We have IP Bans in place as well as other mechanism but we are aware that this does not stop all the users from coming back with trolling behaviors.
Suggestions on how to cope with this:
→ Refocus yourself: Sometimes we feel inclined to catch people abusing the system, but it's important to remind ourselves our goal is to provide support...when someone abuses the system they will get caught. When you find yourself worrying about if the person you muted is this new person or not, just remember it's best not to make assumptions and that regardless of how someone is here our utmost important goal is to support others. If frustration makes its way to your thoughts, take a step back, breath in and breath out, then remind yourself of how awesome you are (if you cant seem to do it look for a peer support to remind you instead!).
→ Police less and Support more: Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the positive. We are often inclined to want to control every situation, but remember we cannot control people, and if we try we will most likely end up very frustrated. Keep a folder in your notes about positive things that happen in support rooms every time you are there so you can balance those experiences out when you feel support rooms are the worst.
→ Recognized limitations and work on accepting/dealing with those limitations: As much as I love my community, I am very aware that it's not perfect and it's okay to not expect it to be. As a community manager I have learned something that I think we have to all practice: trust one another. I trust teen stars to manage the teen projects and be leaders (they do an amazing job at it by the way!), I trust teen listeners to support members, guest and other listeners, I trust members to be kind to each other to the best of their abilities. I know this is easier said than done, but I want you to trust in your fellow mods to be be able to handle the rooms, you have to trust you are doing the best you can, you have to trust that members will heed the warnings and you have to trust that staff is doing the best they can. Whenever you feel like wanting to control the rooms more remind yourself that you cant control how people will react, the only thing you can control is your own actions and reactions.
→ Self care, self care, self care!: Burn out can be a sneaky little enemy that surprises us if we dont practice self care often. Always prioritize yourself and take regular breaks while modding to make sure you are ready to take on any challenge.
I am aware this solutions are oriented more about individual behavior more than system changes, but these are thing each and every one of us can implement in our modding. Sometimes taking to see things from a new angle changes how we feel about it as a whole. Group modding is a difficult task and it will most likely always be a difficult task, but perhaps the solution is less about limiting people and more about empowering and guiding them.
Lastly, I wanted to let you all know we listen closely to the feedback and information you share with us. We care deeply about all of you and want you to have the best possible experience here, we are immensely thankful for all you do here and will forever appreciate your dedication to make this site what it is today. Keep up the amazing work, working together we are making the world a better place!
Other post to look at:
A Note on Lurking & Warning by @Heather
A Note on Warnings & Mutes by @Heather
Previously Block/Banned Members Creating New Accounts by @Tiare0527
Thank you for this helpful post! Will share around :)
Subscribed and bookmarked. This is definitely a post that I'll go back to frequently! :D
Thank you! Very helpful read.
Thanks so much for this post!! It's super duper helpful and i know it will be even more helpful in the future
@Iara
Thank you for putting time to compile all of these suggestions together! I think this will be really helpful for mods (I know it's helpful for me at least) and it is really well-written!
One thing that I always keep in mind is the point of leading by example. At first glance this may not seem useful, but it is one of the most important things I've had to remember while moderating the support rooms. Leading by example can mean different things.
First of all, leading by example can mean contributing to the supportive environment of the chatroom, which is huge. Lurking can be useful when trying to catch the sharing of social media, but lurking just for the sake of lurking isn't very helpful or productive. If moderators aren't contributing to the supportive atmosphere, how can we expect members to do the same?
A second meaning I've given to leading by example is staying calm despite any issues that may be occurring. I like to drive this point home by considering the opposite - a frantic, manipulatable mod who doesn't seem to have control of the chatroom. This person might have the greatest of intentions, and may want to help out as much as possible. They might be getting swept away with emotion or passion. The issue with this is that by not having control, they can make other people lose control, or lose confidence in the moderators. Maintaining a calm mindset keeps you in control of the situation, and allows you to think clearly. Members can feel confident that they are in a safe space, and that they are being protected.
Sorry for getting carried away! I just couldn't resist putting in my 2 (read: 2 000) cents and sharing my thoughts on this! I'm in agreement with your points here, and I hope more people look at this post and consider everything you've laid out on the table. I'll make sure to spread this post around in the chatroom!
Thanks again for working on this post, it's great!
Thank you, Iara!
This is such an important topic and post, and its already saved in my bookmarks for retrieval whenever I need a little boost of confidence and knowledge in my role as a group mod.
I absolutely agree that using the warning system is, many times, the best way to go about doing things, even if we feel slightly uncomfortable starting a fight or whatever. When we do it like that, its clear whats going on, whats gonna happen, and it seems less personal and as if were trying to get them, which is definitely a plus.
The Lead by Example is definitely true. Sometimes it can get really difficult to keep the moderator role when the entire room is being unsupportive, and all we can do is just say like lets try to be more supportive and stuff. At a certain point, it can start to look like were kindergarten teachers, not listeners who also are group mods, and so putting ourself out there as listeners, not just moderators, at times like that is a very good idea. If only to give people an idea of how best to interact in the chatroom.
The part about identifying the needs of the room is once again a very important one. Sometimes we mods can lose ourselves and get very frustrated, instead of helping the room reach a more calm state of being. Taking a step back and assessing the situation and what it *truly* needs at the moment is a very good way to go.
I really love the part about Remind yourself why youve become a moderator. Every so often, I just get so flustered and frustrated with the situation in the rooms and in moderating, that I just feel like the bad cop, or really just the bad guy in the story, the villain, not even a cop. Sometimes, Im discouraged from trying to help people out. Then, every now and again, Id realize that Im doing this for the people who come to these rooms to seek comfort, help, and a sense of community without being triggered, harassed, and disrespected. Taking some time to remember what youre doing this for is important, nay — crucial, in maintaining your sanity and well-being.
I also really liked the Refocus Yourself part. Sometimes we get all wary and apprehensive about newcomers, especially ones who state that theyre back or something, and seem fishy. Weve been bruised by this troll before, for instance, and we dont want to let them have another go at this room full of people looking for a safe place and for compassion. We want them to say one thing, that one thing that would be enough to throw them in a jail cell or, well, simply click the Mod button :D , but we end up just watching everything this newcomers is saying with overly watchful and judgmental eyes, when that person could have just been any other person. Its not worth it, losing our place here, our mindset, over these silly trolls. We can deal with them if and when they go ahead and do something incriminating. In the meantime, we should definitely just keep going with the supportive chat weve been helping conduct. Such an important reminder, lara, thank you.
And that last one just leads me right to my response to your police less & support more paragraph: not focusing on the negative, on being over-controlling, if only for our own sake, and of course for the sake and well being of others in the rooms. The idea of keeping a folder in our notes with some positive room experiences is actually BRILLIANT. Like a mini-journal, every time weve had a really positive, good, decent experience. Thats such a good idea.
I absolutely agree with the note on accepting and dealing with limitations, and accepting fellow mods work in moderating the rooms. Thats why when I go to mod rooms, I usually get out of a room if they already have a mod there that I see is typing and is active. I dont want to step on their toes. I immediately go to another room that would probably need me more, so we could even ourselves out between the rooms, fan ourselves out, if you will.
Self care is SO important. We arent modding for work, paid by the hour (or at all!), or screamed at by our boss (or community leaders :D ) to finish our job/work/task/assignment. Were modding because we came in the rooms and decided that its a good time to mod, or because we felt it was right, or anything like that — but most importantly, because weve decided to mod. No one is forcing our hand here. We can leave if we want to, and so we must always remember to do that when were starting to feel weary of the rooms, the chats, the entire thing. Just step back, its okay, its fine! No ones blaming us for that :)
Best sentence ever:
Group modding is a difficult task and it will most likely always be a difficult task, but perhaps the solution is less about limiting people and more about empowering and guiding them.
I want to thank you guys. I know youre working VERY HARD behind the scenes to ensure that our experience is the best one possible, both for listeners and members/guests. We know youre telling this to us because even though youre working on trying to improve the technical side of the website and the chatrooms, its our duty (as with anything in life) to help ourselves when it comes to minute (mī-no͞ot′), everyday things. There are things that can be fixed in the technical realm, and there are things that need some humanity to them, you know?
Thank you for helping us find our humanity (yeah yeah we had it in us all along blah blah :> )
Awesome post, lara. Very helpful.
This post is extremely helpful at putting my job back into perspective, thank you so much for this!
After just over a week of being a mod, I really needed to hear all of that <3 *huggles or less triggering thingy * Being a mod is tough, really tough. But I have also found how tight the mod group is, we have each others backs. I have actually made a pact with a fellow mod to mod together if need be. Thanks so much Iara, this was lovely to read. You are awesome!!!
@lara ,Thank you so much for this post! I am new to the Group Mod community and this is a very resourceful post for me to keep in mind! Thanks again! "\ml/"
This is a great post! Thank you. I will surely bookmark it myself for future use and purpose. Thanks again~