The rebels in chat rooms

sorry for the horrible english btw!! xD lol

Hi @newbiebunny! Thank you for addressing such a serious problem in such an intelligent, thoughtful post. And thank you for working to become a mod—thats actually a great way to fight against this problem in the chatrooms! At the moment our team of moderators is really hardworking and cares very much about making the group support rooms safe and supportive environments for everyone looking to use them, but it seems like the team is often a little too small to fully keep up with the demands of chatroom supervision. The more amazing listeners like you whore working to get their group mod badge, the larger the moderator team will grow and the more consistent and constant chatroom moderation will be! Perhaps actively encouraging experienced listeners to apply for their group mod badges a little more than we already do is a step we could take to work on solving this problem.

I can definitely understand where youre coming from when it comes to feeling badly about reprimanding disruptive members in a chatroom, because disruptive members are clearly dealing with serious emotional and/or personal issues in their lives and, as listeners, we want to help and support them just like wed want to help and support non-disruptive members. What I try to keep in mind is that group chats are different environments than 1-on-1s. A 1-on-1 chat is focused on a specific member and the goal of that chat is to support that single member. A group chat, on the other hand, is an environment that needs to be welcoming, safe, and supportive for multiple users, and sometimes that means that we have to be less forgiving of disruptive members in order to keep the environment supportive for everyone involved. In a group chat, the good of the group is the priority in order to make the chatroom a safe and productive place, whereas a 1-on-1 chat is all about one certain member. Thats why I like to try to pull disruptive members who I feel arent outright trolls out of group support chats whenever possible by asking them if they could PM me and then discussing their situation in the group chat or any struggles in their life within the 1-on-1 chat, where their actions wont have a negative effect on other users of the site. Any listener who feels comfortable doing this can certainly do so! By pulling 1-on-1 members out of the group chat, the group support room remains a helpful place for everyone trying to use it and the disruptive member still has the opportunity to receive support.

That being said, dealing with serious emotional or personal struggles doesnt excuse bullying, cruelty, or harassment in the group chats. I think its very important that moderators and listeners in the chatroom be familiar with both the chatroom rules and the community guidelines and stick to those rules fairly and consistently within the group chat. Making exceptions in the rules isnt helpful to the community overall—whats most helpful is making sure you have a good understanding of the rules and reminding members who might be breaking those rules of them. Our rules are all here for good reasons, and sometimes members need to be reminded that theyre always welcome at 7 Cups of Tea but need to adhere to the community rules to keep the site a helpful place. Even though non-mod listeners cant send official warnings, you can send helpful reminders of the rules!

For example, if a member says something cruel to another member in the group chat, you can send them a message like this:

Hey BLANK, please remember that all participants in the group chat need to be supportive and kind to one another at all times. If youre feeling overwhelmed by the group chat or would like more focused support, listeners are always available for a 1-on-1!

Of course, sometimes members ignore friendly reminders like that and continue with their inappropriate behavior. In that case (or in any case where the situation in a support room seems to be getting out of hand) please head into the Listener Chatroom and call for a mod to help out in the support room. Mods are always happy to help whenever theyre able to and we really appreciate listeners letting us know when were needed!

Overall, I think more constant and consistent moderator presence in the chatrooms is the best solution for this issue. Thats why Im very excited about Heathers brand new Choose a Room project for Group Mods, and to hear that wonderful listeners like you are getting their mod badges! I also think it's important that we make sure listeners who work in the group support rooms know when and how to call for a mod to help in the room--or to call for a second mod! As you mentioned in your post, sometimes the situation is a little too much for a single mod to deal with. Perhaps implementing a group mod buddy system would be helpful, so that group mods could work more often in teams in the chatrooms? I personally find that having more than one mod in a chatroom, especially when it's busy, helps things run much smoother.

Thank you so much for your hard work in the group chats, and for opening up discussion on this topic—Im really interested in hearing what others have to say about this issue!

Hi there! Thanks for your post!

As you suggested, a rebel will rebel. If their primary motivation is causing disruption then they'll do their best regardless of whether someone recites the rules or not. I really try stressing members to take a different approach if someone's demeaning behavior becomes pervasive:
Instead of arguing with him or her, report them and mute them; similarly, if others are getting upset, encourage them to the use the mute tool as well.

If everyone mutes a troll, he or she has no audience; this is huge, but people forget the power in this button!

Furthermore, if you need immediate assistance, you can check the various rooms for a moderator by clicking "Currently participating." It could be worth sending them a private message with the message "Needing moderation assistance." Typically, moderators are very busy and we can't answer private messages, but if I am directed by a member to check a room, I will prioritize it.

I always welcome members messaging me about disruptive individuals.

There's a few things we can do!

I like the adopt-a-room initiative a lot! I spend a lot of time in Relationship Support and I have a lot of regulars there now :) as a result, my babies back me up in my moderating efforts. For example, when I had to step up the enforcement on flirtatious messages, my members were understanding and not combative with me!
Rebels thrive on discord and try to turn the room against the moderators. If the room has your back it's a lot easier to enforce the rules.

I think also having an escalating warning system can also be helpful. Some people who are purposely malicious should get a 1 or 2 warning ban instead of a 3 warning ban. I wrote a post about it HERE (shameless promo :P).

Lastly I think it's helpful to aware of why some members are rebelling and why certain rules are in place. A lot of complains I see are from listeners/moderators acting rudely or without compassion, or that moderators are playing favorites with the rules.
I invite everyone to use the report links for moderators / listeners if they ever have a problem with myself or another moderator. Members / guests should know that they have the right to leave feedback such that if they feel that things are unfair they can file a report. My experience is that by giving them the link, the rebellious members are actually less likely to continue causing a scene because they know that their actions are not justified.

^-^
Happy modding everyone!

P.S.
Shoutout to @jennalovely2 and @Kallie112358 two mods I see diligently fighting the good fight. Yall are amazing