My Thoughts on the Inner Development Goals Course (Collaboration and Inclusivity; pt. 2)

For me, one of the most impactful areas of growth has been developing my own social skills. I used to think being “socially skilled” just meant being outgoing or friendly. But over time, I learned that it’s so much deeper than that. It wasn't something I thought of a lot. I wasn't good at socializing, so what did these different subtypes mean to me? But when I actually tried implementing both, I realized that a simple 'hey' or 'hi' to people was difficult, but including others and making them comfortable was even harder.

Real social skills involve knowing how to truly include others, make space for different voices, and communicate in ways that build trust. There was a time in my life when I ignored problems I had between acquaintances and awkwardly stood there when my friends were sad, and didn’t know how to interact with those I perceived as different from me. I remember specifically my friend venting to me before class one day, but I didn't know how to provide empathy or what to say. Due to social deficits, I didn't know how to build the close relationship they needed. All I could think was, "sorry for your loss." My mindset was always built on fixing things, rather than just listening.

However, it was also those same experiences that taught me that people need each other. To work together effectively, we have to build strong social skills.

In the growth path, it talks about how these social skills are key to bridging differences and making space for a wide range of voices. That really resonated with me because I had always ignored people I couldn't see myself interacting with. When I transferred to another school in middle school, I found myself categorizing people into categories I had seen at the school I attended before. I treated my classmates like I knew everything about them just because they reminded me of an archetype I built in my head.

In social situations, our ability to listen and speak honestly makes a difference. I learned that especially when I signed up to be a listener here on 7cups. 

Here’s what helped me grow in this area:

1. I learned to listen without needing to fix anything. I knew I had to fix that, but it wasn't until I signed up to be a listener that I actually learned how. Helping someone reflect by listening and asking questions can help them realize what they need to do themselves.

2. I started asking better questions. Instead of the why's, I asked the how's. When people told me their struggles before, I would always think 'well why did they let that happen in the first place?'. I came to understand that this didn't make them feel better. It made them feel worse, increasingly helpless in cases my words reflected deeper insecurities.

3. I paid attention to who was in the room. Inclusion means making space for people who aren’t always invited in. When I was younger, my cousins would always exclude the younger kids. They acted different, had different stages, and we were all just in different life stages that made them hard to relate to. I remember my cousin locking one of them out of the bedroom because he wasn't 'our style'. It was acknowledging everyone in the room, regardless of age, that made me realize how big of an effect these actions had.

Social skills like inclusivity and collaboration have helped me navigate conflict and interpersonal relationships more effectively

How do you guys deal with moments where you don't know how to collaborate or include others?