Appreciation: a story in three acts
Seeing Appreciation listed in the IDG framework made me wonder, is there a best-practice way in which we can develop that? It took me back to a time when, feeling very at a loss, I wished to learn to be more appreciative. It began with noticing more. I'd heard of 'glimmers' - seeing moments in the everyday which make us feel uplifted or brighten our mood. I started documenting these frequently whimsical occurrences, then began seeking them out intentionally and ultimately creating them. Buoyed up by six months' worth of glimmers to look back on, I turned my newly-honed focus to a gratitude challenge: every day writing down three things I was grateful for. Initially the sentiments logged in ink spilled over into a real-life abundance of thankfulness. Then suddenly the more I documented, the smaller the return. It began to feel forced and performative; I started to resist my listmaking. It dawned on me that appreciation is more complex than I'd given it credit for. It links to the Sense-Making component of the IDG, where we look to find the story behind an event to truly understand it. Andrew Huberman, the neuroscientist, highlights that gratitude has to be grounded in narrative to be impactful, otherwise it lacks authenticity - another IDG skill. Immerse yourself in the feeling by evoking a memory in which you're appreciating someone else's efforts, or they're thanking you for something. The direction doesn't matter, but the emotion attached to the relived experience does. Replay the scenario a number of times to embed it in the neural pathways. I began doing this, and watched as Huberman's protocol became a meta-phenomenon. On giving a thank-you card to our local librarians, I revelled in their appreciation of a small gesture from me. They kept that card on display for months and I recalled the feeling of uplift each time I saw it, as with my original little book of glimmers.
Discussion points:
On the subject of ways to appreciate, what is a best-practice for you? Do you find gratitude lists effective?
@DemiMondaine I also find making lists a bit forced. Overall, gratitude exercises feel forced to me. And yet, sometimes they can at times coax out some real sense of gratitude inside me. It's a little paradoxical. Or maybe that's what people call "fake it till you make it".
@peacestorm1115 that was the same forced feeling I had, it began to feel as monotonous as compiling a shopping list.
@DemiMondaine Thank you for sharing this!! I resonate with the idea that appreciation is more than just listing things; it’s about connecting deeply with the story and emotion behind them. I’ve found that when I slow down to feel the gratitude, it shifts from being a task to a meaningful practice.
@SandraG33 we do indeed have to connect deeply with the story - it's one reason why people often find random acts of kindness confusing rather than wholesome - they can't see the rationale for it; givers' efforts are often met with bewilderment rather than appreciation.
