Polaris 2088: open to replies
'New attitude', new journal*.
*I think I 'got a fell' for how I type and I would rather do this than close my account and do this among other things all over again b/c I felt compelled to seperate myself from my older journalling habits. A journal which I feel was 'getting crowded':
https://www.7cups.com/forum/GeneralSupport_28/DiaryEntriesConnections_1597/OpentoanyrepliesDiaryofPolaris2088_207980/1/
I'm less likely to be talking on here whence the success of moving out is achieved ^_' d ..
Sikhism, Baha'ism, Confucianism..what do such religions ave to say about divorce?.
Hoping for good Robin Sealark videos. Hoping for good 'Bananajamana' videos.
Anyone seen 'Mom and dad' with Nick Cage?.
Didnt like the trailer. Mustnt insist ppl consume *media I produce*.
@Polaris2088
Knowing how 'Nakama' means 'a person that shares your destiny for whomyou would sacrifice your life. Its meaning is too entangled to be "friend" but it is also to deep to be just "companion" ". I know now to not let myself be influenced by anime concepts of friendship* as much--though it reminds me of this earnest non-Japanese scene https://youtu.be/cH_nhvO8stg?t=74
*Digimon whenever 'Matt' is around
Ridiculous as it seems Im considering maybe making another journal b/c of a belief that how and what I express will be different.
I've done that before on another site.
"The poor and trashy are always right. There is never such a thing as wrong. There is no such thing as wrong. Nearly everyone is poor and trshy. Hence nothing gets done."--('Lesser slime', a dark inner character).
@Polaris2088 For some nothing is wrong, for some nothing is right. For some nothing is wrong and nothing is right, things are just so dark or so bright , you don't see any point where life's leading you, even explaining this can get too complex. It's like you have no connection with anything and nothing is wrong. Wonderfully put.
@IcyWinter
'Double binds' sure are a drag, eh ;I ?.
@IcyWinter
'Double binds' sure are a drag, eh ;I ?.
Not very good attempts at vegetarianism or veganism, this week.
The feeling of guilt when you visit your grandparents but part of the excitement comes from what you might eat, than your grandparents :| themselves..not like Im ‘taking food out of their mouthes..
The time a listener *didn
Something about 'white guy apathy' which always puts me on guard.
@Polaris2088
Explaining the following got me a ~'I think ppl who think about this are wasting there time! [even after explaining how this came from a counselor]..a 'you look like a mansplainer who uses big words'..I see no use in continuing this conversation..I have autism too and don't speak like that hun' from a listener once...=_= -_-...from Britain.
@Polaris2088
'Once upon a time' , I brought up the bafflement which my dad and me to an extent have as to how is it that there can be Caucasian ppl who are homeless when certain immigrant groups thrive after ~2 generations...
..he told me..
(i) classism and..
(ii) skepticism of instituitions...
and (iii)
..his personal dislike **for how 'white ppl'
..now those are things I've touched on here and there on these journals not uncommonly..
..but then he told me......how 'white ppl', one he wished that 'white ppl' would do differently is to have wear their feelings on their arms more often...expression: something, something 'silent assembly' (?)..he told me to watch 'Ordinary people' (an old early 80's drama movie w/Judd Hirsch and Robert Redford) as an example of what he meant...`_` and I kind of see it making sense...w/the extremity given in that movie of how a mom refused to grieve after the passing of her older son and the internal angst and torment the younger son felt in his arguable attempts to compensate before the devastating skepticism of Redford's character at the end stating how he's sure if he loves his wife any longer..
After the above particularly pt. (iii) on a scale of millions to a group who historically have and still have most of the decision making of the planet centred around them, multiply by how (iii) 'flavours' kyriarchies and judgmentalness in distinct flavours ((i) and (ii)) whilst endorsing individualistic group expression/culture...that this is the group who are among the few who are more liekly to have blonde or red hair well into adulthood...'-'...well everyone can comment about that through mental health can't we?..
....a pt. of me feels like 'passing the buck' to how when it comes to (*English speaking*) 'white ppl' (Canadian, Austrialian, UK , New Zealander, US ~) it historically traces back to how the British have this resistance to introspection (https://youtu.be/ZaZkvvB367I?t=55 : ~0:54-1:00 ...a pt. of me feels like saying that the tendency for understatement specifically ( '~' which the Irish and Scots apparently don't have as much of (?)) is a mannerism which is borderline passive-aggresive in it's usage..plus something about a 'shame culture' in British culture/attitude..makes me dread how common it is..)...again all this (including the yellow colored words) 'got spread around via colonialism.....
....the weary pt. of me feels that this is a key ingredient for the romanticized out of control, 'eternal rebellion' oversighting responsibility and consequences lest it detriment unrestricted self-direction/freedom that 'white ppl' are so famous for (at least in media) which most culture still feel fairly antsy about..
...a pt. of me feels like saying that this is the main ingredient for the 'white guy apathy' which puts me on guard ('boredom is rage spread thin'-Paul Tillich)
....to be fair that pt. about how entire groups have a tendency to not show their feelings/have their feelings on their shoulders?...I can see that being a component of overclass mannerisms in the classism or heirarchies of about any nation on Earth..
...goodness knows how unwittingly, insidiously a pt. of *European* classism overall it is...that stuff about central, north and a fair amount of Eastern Europeans being 'grim and depressive' ...'~'....what do you think what I just described 'looks like' when the ppl doing it are more often German, Russian and Polish speaking?..
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The purpose of this is *not to white guilt*...I've learned too much about kyriachies work to yield as easily to that as I would have say a decade ago..it is true that there comes a pt. when you continously go-on about the 'haves' and 'have-nots' that it's no longer so much about the issue (relation does eventually become more important than the content it-self), of being 'other-ized' as much as it is an issue of self-acceptance, of you struggling to accept yourself..
.. '_' risky level of self-understanding, I know...
Native or not, black or not et al, etc
@Polaris2088
Addendum to pt (iii): in some ways (https://youtu.be/rr65vnslEZ0?t=42 0:42 -0:50) is the alternative..
@Polaris2088 [how I find the previous pt. still relevant]
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MinnesotaNice
"This is Truth in Television for most people who grow up in the region: Minnesota (and neighboring communities such as the Dakotas and western Wisconsin) is a very moralistic place, a heritage which likely draws from the fact that most of the people who settled there came from places like Scandinavia, where communities more or less had to help each other out in order to live through the harsh weather and somewhat barren landscape. Additionally, the bad rep Minnesotans get for being passive-aggressive has some basis: It is good to remember that Scandinavia also gave birth to the Vikings, the people who raped and pillaged Europe so hard they became legends in their own right. In other words, Minnesotans are brought up to be polite, but Beware the Nice Ones."
.....consider how the 'raising' component of the exagerrated Minnesota and Canadian accents are similar...
...one in a 'group dynamics' class when an instructor stated about what it means when a culture is 'collectivist' or 'individualistic' he said how both Canada and US are pretty close on the spectrum...albeit Canadians lean less individualistic and more collectivist than Americans...
...considering the quote and the mentions of the cold which comes w/the physical geography of the N.American plains/prairie regions...consider how Canada makes a significant portion of the entire continent yet the Artic and sub-Artic only really stop south of ~54 degrees in latitude (think Edmonton, Alberta)..which is where (below 54 degrees of latitude) most Canadians live.. :I ...
...it makes for 'different expressions' of kyriachies which won't really catch on the same when the cold doesn't make for (even w/climate change `-`) a borderline everlasting logistical hassle---
when you have dozens of thriving major cities below 39 degrees latitude (the 'Mason-Dixon' line), heat (the deserts in the SW, the wetlands in the SE) is a logistical hassle yet I would would argue not in the way that suspending primary industry sector/*food sustaining* sectors isn't b/c of the geostragetic limitation that having half your country and ~1/3 of the continent be Artic like isn't...sans shoehorning how Canada does have the water supply benefit/privledge for now...
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What I highlighted in grey is something even the British apparently don't always have (even if you consider New Zealanders and Australians to be their closer fascimile representative...
'Canadian niceness'
~"[Canadian niceness]..oh when your on the phones your going to notice it" memorable words said by the instructor at a call centre....'~' d---n did I learn....you friggin DO NOT know what you have until it's absent/gone...
...what came in a day at the call centre while giving tech support maybe ~+12/40-60 calls in a day might be Canadian and the mild-manner-ness was not something lost on me..
factor,take into consideration,'calculate'..what I said before about individualistic and collectivistic cultures...pt (iii) by the counselor...b/c here is where I get even more specific and relevant to my experiences..'bonus' if you read my recent 'biased geography of Hamilton...
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@Polaris2088
Self-deceptive apathy...as highlighted by this motherf---r https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Ligotti here https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8524528-the-conspiracy-against-the-human-race...the audiobook I listened to was no less inflammatory..
to coalesce all this consider how often I write about 'haves' and 'have nots', classism and prejudices, the toxicity of ppl not caring and the prevalence of mental health...entire generations/ attitudes of family probably needing to be bared w/until the 'storms they make' subside...out of sociopolitics climates and then some...
...b/c the stereotype of 'Canadian niceness' doesn't always make sense..
@Polaris2088
b/c when you are in non-Caucasian group this (everything before 2:36 -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDtt8qMgkGU)
seems utterly ignorant or ignoring w/the deadly apathetic self-deception of the human experience 'as expressed by white ppl' ...of the classism...of the horrors of doing work you never wanted to do...
....as much as I have gotten to dislike him for making his video basically only about his struggles..as much as he doesn't seem to provide more supportive advice like how Kanwer Sigh/' Humble the poet' does in counterpoint to the 'inferiority complex of a the 2nd generation offspring of immigrants' which I empathize w/and like to think everyday I grew out of functionally...
...'this seems about right'..~
Warning derogatory phrases/'fighting words' used throughout
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhhcR0oShtQ
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`_` ...yep '-' ...that seems about right...the 'blue collar, working class, unemployed' white ppl/males...the speculations...the 'horror stories' from my parents of work experiences growing up.....
=_= the utter self-deception and unholy/hellish apathy you have to have to allow this stuff to exist...
.....I recieve social assistance...I'm on the autistic spectrum...etc, et al..
@Polaris2088;
'the golden despair' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5Omb_oeNQM
@Polaris2088
concerning apathy and caucasians both female and male all of it is stereotypes there is no commonality except in the mind the imaginations of people and thats what a stereotype is .... every person has an imagination but not every person has the wisdom to realize some things they believe are only their imagination or the imagination of other people who proclaim something as truth when the real truth is that is only opinion only imagination only in the mind of some people
@jennysunrise8
'u'
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I remind myself how if Canadians are apparently 'as nice as they get', I feel more sorry for everyone else for when it comes to 'white ppl'.
about me noticing 'American not so nice-ness'..barely months, maybe even weeks ago during the turn of the hurricane heavy hitting on south Florida, weeks of late September '17 to early October '17, myself, my mom, sister and a friend of her's went on a cruise trip. When things were winding down, btw the returning to port in Miami and before heading to an airport onto Toronto we went to a MacDonald's..a maybe elderly woman w/a thick more 'Southern' based accent had been panhandling in her own way outdoors. While in that MacDonald's and waiting she comes in saying ~'something,something..Cuban [rhymes w/'glut']' which sparked an unhesistantly vocal response from the crowded MacDonalds..
...there was very much that "D:< BRING IT MOTHERF---R!' that was arrived at in a fraction of the time it'd take for such a reaction to happen in Hamilton.
The significance of a definition of materialism are 'you are your body' is highlighted not by scientific naturalism per se nor even object-oriented consumerism but by the immaterial (space). I have time, free time thankfully at times but what is increasingly pressing for me is the lack of space, mere desk space needed for art supplies whilst not being distracted by say chores or the resource based priorities of others*. Only things which are material take up space**.
It's aggravating how we barely got into a townhouse for a family of five, where new objects don't really come in often but for some bizzare reason even after cleaning sprees much can apparently still be thrown out***. Makes you think about how even if most of your functional life is work, plus eat and rest at home id you try to do something new particularly a hobby in a house where there is a family aside from the rarity of ample quality solitude being available there is a fair chance that you barely find enough non-presence/space**** to place your gear away.
It's a compunding frustration. It's a diminishing frustration y =_= la tipica bobada acerca de como escasez es teniendo lo neccesario de un lugar barato, seguro y en que estas well-adjusted no pasa tanto como podria como no hay ningun falta de tontos en posiciones quasi-bueracratica y/o adminstrativa que mas pronto menos las influencas de muerte o sexo se cuedarian con ese actitud de siendo oriententado a objetos en un manera consumeristico. Ni es decir que si **importando** aumentaria si la perspectiva fuera cientifico..mi impaciencia de esperar acerca de respuestas de 'casa de gobierno' hasta Enero.
*I would count feeding pets into this as well.
**Wanna see where this counts?. Ponder about whether you can say that souls, God or the mind take up space when the common agreement is that at least 2/3 things don't 'need bodies'.
***that's not to say of my dad and the garage 
****empty but not disponsible, much?.
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I voted in advance for the Canadian federal election today.
I wonder how* useful a live chat group for math homework related discussion would be?.
*while I can imagine that typing promptly can get fairly cumbersome/unwiedly